The Cathedral & The Crucible

Due to my inability to book holiday without procrastination I've been able to benefit from a fair bit of time off in recent days and as luck would have it, it transpired that events had unfolded to provide me with a unique opportunity.

 

Justin Welby - The new Archbishop of Canterbury, has been progressing through the country on a prayer pilgrimage ahead of his enthronement on the 21st March 2013. The second sojourn of his journey led him back to Coventry - the diocese where he had spent roughly 15 years of ministry, culminating in his tenure as Sub Dean and Canon for Reconciliation Ministry.

 

Having the day off on Friday, I decided to take part in the event - both the church I worship at and the church I grew up in  are part of the Diocese of Coventry and its cathedral is therefore in "old money" terms, my mother church. I decided that I was going to make as much of a day of it as I could and found myself strolling into Broadgate at the early hour of 8:30am. As I was early I wandered back and forth, to and fro as the market was being set up and the PA system was being rigged for the welcome address. I approached some local dignitaries... who promptly backed off, apparently intimidated- maybe it was a bad idea for a 6'4" leviathan to wear a hoodie, or maybe they were just picking up on some kind of Alcestrian aura emanating from me.

 

Drummers Leading Archbishop Justin to the Cathedral.

Eventually the Archbishop arrived and after a meet and greet with the local media followed by a welcome by Coventry's mayor and a brief prayer of blessing, those of us who had gathered made our way to the ruins of the old cathedral... led by some drummers. As we arrived, it became apparent that larger throng had gathered outside the cathedral and together we prayed through the Litany of Reconciliation.  Following this we all made our way into the cathedral, which had been divided up into a series of 9 prayer areas with different formats for different people to use.

 

I love Coventry Cathedral; for those of you who don't know, it is a relatively new building that is nestled among the ruins of its predecessor... which was devastated during the destruction of Coventry by the Luftwaffe. I like the distribution of stained glass windows... on the inside it looks very much like something that you might expect to find on the Minbari homeworld in Babylon 5.  I'm also extremely fond of the star and circular shaped chapels at each end. When you look back from the nave, the entrance window is filled with frosted figures of angels and saints that seem to hover above the ruins... keeping watch over the cathedral and the city.

 

Praying Amidst the Ruins of the Old Cathedral

As previously mentioned, I was there for the whole event and decided to work my way around the various stations as best I could... and aside from praying for the Archbishop made the day something of a prayer retreat... something I haven't done for a good while. Being fond of Celtic expressions of prayer, I made my way to the round Chapel of Christ the Servant. and sat there working through a few prayers.  I must have looked a little odd because I'd taken my shoes off... it's a biblical practice that I've adopted when seeking a deeper focus in prayer... and I guess I've picked it up off my old vicar, Steve Burch. Straight away I felt my thoughts being tugged towards issues that periodically cycle from latency to active burden in my heart. I felt very much hemmed in and awestruck.

 

Following this period, I made my way to a Powerpoint station which split the Lord's Prayer up in segments with a particular focus for each line... designed to take 15 minutes to work through. I then made my way down the nave and bumped into some folk from my hometown. I chatted with them briefly and tried not to draw too much attention to my shoeless condition (no luck there), I then made my way to a Labyrinth that had been laid out in the centre of the nave. Funnily enough, this actually required me to be shoeless and having read through the gist of the prayer format, I started out. It was not to be however, as I was yanked out by one of the people from Alcester because the hourly prayer led by Archbishop Justin was starting. I know he thought he was doing the right thing... but I was seriously getting in the zone and it disrupted me - he should have left me to it really... but never mind. A bit like not being able to get back to sleep having been woken by something, I joined the other people in the nave and prayed the hourly prayer.

 

Once this was finished, I made my way back to the Labyrinth... and what followed was by far and away the most profound experience in my day. The idea is that you make your way along a winding path towards the centre and eventually out along another path. There are stations along the route and there are no dead ends. After a period of focused reflection I made my way inward - the first part of which invited me to invoke God's mercy. Gradually I made my way along until I came to the Ignatian Examen... which had some techniques based on a paraphrase of Isaiah 48:

 

Come near and listen to this:
from the beginning I have never spoken to you obscurely,
and all the time these things have been happening, I have been present
Thus says Yahweh, your redeemer, the Holy One:
I, your God, teach you what is good for you,
I lead you in the way that you must go.
If only you had been alert...

 

The meditation required me to examine which part of the text jumped out most vividly to me (I've highlighted what I experienced for you). I felt extremely challenged by this... I'm very guilty of being the kind of Christian who looks for signs and desires wisdom before committing to a path... and I felt that I was being advised that I already know what I need to know... the silence that I have assumed to be in place... has not been real at all.  When you reach the centre of the Labyrinth, you are supposed to just get comfortable and allow God to have you... and not do it at "drive-through" pace... but to be still and wait for God.

 

The final station I came to as I was working my way out, was a biblical meditative vision quest; I'm very fond of these... and I think people should be aware they exist, because they are a powerful area of spirituality that largely remain untapped in the Western church while people flock to similar such things that are available from the more questionable sources in Eastern mysticism.

 

The passage used was the account of Jesus appearing to disciples on the Road to Emmaus. It invited me to breathe the air, to hear the dusty road beneath my feet, to see the hooded stranger and to communicate with him and talk about the kind of feelings that were associated with the people in the passage. I remember very strongly at the end of this meditation seeing Jesus give a wry smile and a wink before vanishing. I felt his reassurance and that he was filling me with hope for the road ahead.

 

As I drew to the end of the Labyrinth, a period of contemplative worship was being performed by a man called Jimmy Lawrence. I felt deeply moved and sang along solemnly. This drew  the next hour to a close and we prayed again with Archbishop Justin.

 

For the next hour I kept drifting towards the accompanied prayer area... but there never seemed to be anyone to pray with. I felt like I could have done with that at that time.  so for the next hour I sat and gazed at the baptistery window in silent contemplation.

 

Eventually hunger got the better of me and I made my way down to the refectory to grab some sustenance. As there were no empty tables, I found myself talking to one of the cathedral chaplains and a visiting couple. Halfway into our chat, the old lady asked me if I was a vicar. I said that no, I wasn't... and I had a familiar strange feeling in the pit of my stomach.

 

Just before 2.00pm I returned for the final hour of prayer and after Archbishop Justin had prayed with us... I decided with a small group of others to go forward and meet him.  Upon greeting him, I took the opportunity to pray over him for his ministry and he in turn prayed for me.  Following this I tied a prayer to the prayer tree and submitted some prayers to the prayer text service that was scrolling on a screen on the right of the cathedral.

 

It was an amazing experience. I truly feel God took a cacophony of emotions and experiences and forged them into something immensely powerful and awe inspiring.

 

I also think I know what that feeling I get when people ask me *that* question, is about.

 

It's embarrassment. I feel it may be akin to the feelings that Peter must have felt when people asked him if he was one of Christ's disciples in the early hours of Good Friday.

 

I think that gives me something really challenging to look at.... and requires me to act perhaps more swiftly than I might appreciate.

 

All in all, my time at the cathedral felt very much akin to being in a crucible.

 

#Vigil2012

A few nights ago, I had an odd moment of inspiration.

I decided to pull into church on my way back from work. This is not something unusual or extraordinary in itself, I often drop in on the way home, to find a moment of respite and quiet to gather my thoughts... and pray for the church's development for a few minutes.

However while I was there on this occasion, my mind drifted towards what different people do in Lent. I'm not a great person for giving things up, for which I have my reasons (I think if you are going to give something sinful up, you should do your best to give it up as permanently as possible... and not just for 40 days; I also believe fasting is something that should be enacted out of personal conviction as and when needed and not enforced primarily by the liturgical calendar).

However, there's one thing I do that if the weathers holds out, I cherish doing every year. On the night of Maundy Thursday, I travel to the edge of town and I sit and meditate for a while... usually about an hour. My method has evolved over time but my reasoning and purpose have always remained the same.

You see I'm very mindful of the moment in the Gospels where Jesus found himself emotionally isolated from his friends, due in no small part to their weariness:

"They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.”  He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled.  “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.”

 Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. “Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Simon,” he said to Peter, “are you asleep? Couldn’t you keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” 

Once more he went away and prayed the same thing. When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. They did not know what to say to him.

Returning the third time, he said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Enough! The hour has come. Look, the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners."

Mark 14:32-42

Jesus prayed alone in Gethsemane

Knowing that God is not bound by time, I like to try and do my part... to keep watch for one hour. To think, pray and meditate about Jesus... in support of Jesus while in the past he is wrestling with his emotions in the garden. The very first year I did this, I went inside the local church to do it. However as I walked back home at about 3am (I was far more hardcore about it then), I decided to pause for a final moment of reflection in the park. It was then that one of those unique moments of magic that we so often miss if we are not alert to them, occurred. The church clock struck three times and over on the hills bordering the town, I heard a single lamb bleating.

That one moment defined the whole experience for me and gave me cause to try whenever I could to repeat the exercise al fresco. Following my time on the geographical Gethsemane, I went a step further and took to meditating on a hillside overlooking my town. Doing this has given me added insight because there is no light except that which you bring with you. Every noise you hear could be an animal or suspicious farmer wondering what on Earth you are doing. Every time the occasional car headlight sweeps past you from afar, you feel very exposed. These emotions have added to the experience for me... the psychological discomfort and insecurity they breed, help me to feel in a very small way, that I am sharing a minute glimpse... a microscopic  deposit of the kind of emotions that may have been with Jesus that night, many years ago.

The reason I'm bringing this up now and not merely at the time I do it, is because this year, I feel I'd like to encourage others to do something similar. This is why I've given my post a Twitter hashtag for a title. I am hoping to drum up a little support for the idea by using the hashtag #Vigil2012.

I don't imagine in a million years this is going to go viral or global... but it's something special and meaningful that I have appreciated over the years, that I want to be able to help others to discover and share in themselves.

I do appreciate that people have family commitments and in some cases a trip out into the wilderness might be inadvisable and dangerous. Do what you must to make it work for you in your personal circumstances... go in a group, or use a small room or open church, but spend the time however brief... and you won't be disappointed.

So spread the word with #Vigil2012 and if you do get involved, please let me know how you get on... I would be genuinely interested to know and share in your experience.

Blessings

Nick

All Alone in the Night?

Haven't blogged for a while, so I'd catch up by bringing you up to speed with my most recent actions.

If you are a regular reader, you may recall that back in 2009 I decided to change my meditation for Maundy Thursday. I did it as a response to having been to the Mount of Olives and concluding that perhaps the best place to get a feel for what happened back in the Garden of Gethsemane (if such a thing as at all possible - I believe we can only get a glimpse at best), I took my time of meditation into the wild... and sat on a hill overlooking the town.

Alas, last year I was unable to repeat the experience due to torrential rain. So this year - armed with the promise of a good weather (and what glorious weather it is), I resolved to return. I was especially nervous this year because the last time I went to the hill (last Autumn), there was a ridiculously oversized aggressive looking bull grazing there. As I reached the bridleway that led to the hill, my torch failed... so aside from the limited light afforded by the torch utility on my iPhone Sonic Screwdriver App... I was walking by faith, not by sight.

So many emotions ran through my head as I sat at the foot of the daffodil cross in the dead of night. There was the fear of being discovered by a surly farmer wondering what I was doing... or shish kebabed by an even surlier bull. I even had thoughts of bandits or rogues jumping out from the treeline. Or worse... LARPers.

That's the thing about the dark... isn't it? It amplifies everything... especially the negative. every sound you hear could be something coming to eat you... or worse. It gives you a great sense of being surrounded by threats and being devoid of support... alone.

That gives you some idea of some of the thoughts going through Jesus' head as his disciples lay sleeping in the background... as the wind blew, the tree branches clacked together ominously... and as the faint glow of torches and conspiratorial voices in the distance drew ominously nearer.

For him the threats were very real... as events on Good Friday proved.

Emotions are often one of the most stalwart and trustworthy allies in our human arsenal... they give us an impression of how we should respond to the world around us... and yet at times, they can quite easily be at odds with the facts.

Jesus above all people, knew that he was not alone in the garden. He prayed to his Father... who he shared a unique relationship with.... and yet from his words to his disciples, it's clear that he felt very much alone.

I find that very reassuring.

There are times when all of us feel alone... even if we know God... it can seem very much like we are fighting our battles alone. If the Son of God struggled with emotions like that, then we can be sure that the Father does not frown on us too hard when we find ourselves feeling that way.

The only thing he asks of us is that we are honest and give our emotions and struggles over to him.  If you look at the Gospel... that's exactly what Jesus did. How often though, do we cling tightly to our struggles? We become so obsessed with our battles and so proud about acknowledging they way we feel, that we neglect our greatest ally. Sometimes will not remove our circumstances... just as he did not remove "the cup" for Jesus (in the case of the former it's because we are not the centre of the universe, in the case of the latter it was because God esteemed humanity to be so precious to Him... that he deemed the suffering of his son as mandatory). Even if our circumstances are not changed though... we have the promise of God's presence and support in our lives and I don't think that is something we should dismiss as a consolation prize.

Another thing I've been doing of late, is rewatching Babylon 5. About a week or so ago I was in the latter end of Season 1. It was then that I hit upon the idea of trying to get to the season 3 episode "Passing Through Gethsemane" by Maundy Thursday... as the importance placed on events in the garden... are a central theme to the episode.

At one point the character of Brother Edward (played by Brad Dourif), is asked what is at the core of his beliefs. This is his answer:

"On the night before our Lord was crucified, he spent the night alone in the garden of Gethsemane and he knew that they were going to come for him and in a moment of weakness he asked if this cup could pass from him if he could be spared the pain and death that would come with morning; and of course the cup would not pass and the soldiers would come to Gethsemane; but he did not have to be there when they arrived. He could have chosen to leave... to postpone the inevitable for a few hours or even days. He knew what would happen but he chose to stay, to sacrifice himself and thus atone for the sins of others. A very fragile, human moment... and I've often thought about that night and I honestly don't know if I would have had the courage to have stayed."

Again it reinforces the loneliness and anguish experienced by Christ in Gethsemane... it also underlines his absolute resolve in completing his mission... the redemption of humanity. At the same time it challenges us about the level of our own convictions. When everything is called into question, when the cost is high and spiritual, emotional or even physical adversity loom over us... are we prepared to stand by our beliefs?

Brother Edward later discovers that he has a hidden past... he was once a serial killer who had been mind wiped for his crimes.... years later as an utterly benign and humble monk, he is forced to discover this truth when the relatives of his victims seek him out for revenge. Edward finds himself in a similar scenario to Christ... and following his example. He too, chooses to remain:

I find this scene extremely moving... especially the sincerity and compassion offered to Edward from Brother Theo (played by Louis Turenne), such is its impact on me that I actually well up with tears.

In his dying moments, Edward is filled with fear. Is there enough forgiveness for him... given what he has done? Theo reassures him that there is and administers the last rites.

If you ever find yourself asking yourself if there is enough forgiveness available to what you have done... then be assured the same is true for you. God's forgiveness is not based on a numeric accumulation of the wrongs you have done offset against Christ's sacrifice. It is dependent on only two things: Christ's sacrifice once for all, itself... and your genuine desire to repent of what you have done.

It doesn't matter what you have done. As long as you are willing to turn away from it with contrition, salvation and forgiveness are yours.

The final words Jesus chose to utter as he died on the cross are all about completion. Jesus effectively says it's done, over; the debt is paid, the law is satisfied.  From the minutest misdemeanor to the most grievous violation... everything is covered.

So my message to you today is simply this. If you genuinely seek forgiveness... it's there for you. Grab it with both hands and embrace it with all your heart.

A Different Vigil

As you may or may not know, on Maundy Thursday, I have in recent years had a tradition of visiting the church in my home town and sitting there in prayer for about an hour or so.

I do this in gratitude for what I believe Jesus did for me, because I like to try and give a little bit back. Knowing that he had nobody with him 2,000 years ago as he knelt and prayed with the weight of destiny and the knowledge of what he must suffer on his shoulders; I can't help but feel a sadness that his best friends couldn't keep their eyes open just for a while. So with this very much in mind and knowing that God is eternal, I go... to pray for Jesus in Gethsemane in the time leading up to his arrest, even though I know what happened. It's not that I think I'm anything fantastic, I do it completely as a response to what he first did for me.

However, having been to Israel and sat upon the Mount of Olives... I am now acutely aware that churches are perhaps not the best place to do this. Jesus did not go to the temple. Jesus went to the hill that looked across to his city, and watched over it as he prayed.I wanted to connect to that notion a little better. So last night, I changed old habits. I very nearly didn't, if the weather had been inclement... I would have abandoned the notion.

At about midnight, I took a torch and backpack and headed out to Primrose Hill. As you may know from previous Easter entries, this is the hill that every year blooms with a 30ft daffodil cross.... and this year is no exception (although the daffodils have bloomed even earlier and are know dying... and their number was somewhat diminished due to people sledging in winter).

I gingerly hopped across the A46 dual carriageway as Royal Mail lorries thundered past me deep into the night. Making my way along a bridle path, I eventually found the field that led to the hill. As I was now pretty much off the beaten track, I was quite anxious. Despite the presence of the moon, it was quite hard to make out entirely where I was going. I didn't know what critters were out there and my deepest concern was being discovered by some shotgun wielding angry farmer demanding to know my business at midnight... there was the loud sound of a gate rattling, it sounded as if someone had discovered me... but nothing came of it.

So it was that I found myself sitting above the crossbeam of the daffodil cross, illuminated only by the moon's pale light... and looking down upon the streetlights of the sleeping town of Alcester.

It was a moving experience. I really didn't feel alone. I had a great sense of God's presence as I prayed over the town... and for the historical event I was commemorating. I think it was more poignant and relevant for me to be able to do it this way. I eventually left the hill at 1am and made my way back into town. I did stop off and spend some time in the church, but being out there on the hill, really gave me a deeper appreciation and sense of "being there".

Having said that, being on a hill in the middle of nowhere is a little intimidating... especially when you aren't sure you should be there.

I am of a mind to do this again next year... but I'm seriously thinking of gathering a few brave souls to join me.... simply because I feel more could be done with a few more people.

Sorry I've been absent, had a few things on my mind lately... and for those of you who have access to the Inner Sanctum part of my blog, I may expand more a little on said things.

I have had a blog brewing for some time and I hope to post it very soon, however until that time... have an incredibly blessed Easter. Whatever you do with your time, I pray the peace of Christ that was won for us at great cost on that first Good Friday will fill your hearts and minds.

I Am Out There.... Somewhere.

Sorry I haven't posted for a while.

There are several reasons for my absence - I've been faffing about a fair bit, I'm also trying to keep my head clear for two projects I'm working on. I'm charged with organizing the teaching for one of the days at this year's Maze... and I'm also preaching next weekend at Oldberrow.

I'm a person who tends to have lots of ideas so I'm trying not to crowd my brain with too much, so as to stick to the message I feel needs to be conveyed.

That said, I feel that when I'm ready I'm going to either do a singular blog, or miniseries on what I feel I've been charged with. Part of the reason I feel that way is because in all the things I'm being asked to look at, it seems to be that God has laid the same message on my heart. Indeed I'm also finding the same points being raised in daily life... perhaps God is fashioning me for a less generalised, more specific purpose.

I'm also doing my best to discipline myself in meditation.

A lady with a gift of prophecy once told me that she had been given a picture for me, it was an image of a hand above a spinning top. She said that the spinning top had images on it and that the hand was God's... that he was going to slow me down to show me what those things were. Truth be known my mind always races. Part of the reason I find the Coldplay song "The Scientist" so moving, is that it's a song that enables me to express that desire, that sentiment - the earnest desire to stop running around and remind myself that God must be set apart and loved above and beyond all other things; that there is a time to stop probing, analysing, interrogating, investigating and cease the pursuit of intellectualism... and a time to just step back and be blow away with sheer wonder and awe.

So, knowing my mind races I've tried to discipline myself (whilst accepting my natural weaknesses). If I sit still for long enough, I'll doze off... but what I try to do is just lie down for about half an hour and just let the Spirit just soak in. I see it as a work in progress. Stillness does not come naturally to me... but I feel if I don't get the hang of it, I will most definitely miss out. I know that in moments when I have been still I've had some amazing encounters with God. I need to harness the ability to remain focused. So for half an hour I just lay down and wait... if I doze off, I doze off... but I am confident that as time wears on and I become acclimatised to this practice, I will grant God the space he needs to generate that sense of self discipline... and I will be more in tune with him in those quiet moments I tend to struggle in.

It feels really great to have had the opportunity to write this down. When I typed the first sentence,this was going to be little more than a footnote... a simple reassurance that I would be coming back... but I feel that I've actually shared something beneficial and close to the spirit in which I always intended to write from the very first day I began blogging... content that isn't just preaching from the pulpit... but sharing the lesson on the road as a fellow traveller. When I teach people the things I know, or am passionate about... I prefer to do it from the side and not from above.

I like to teach with a hint of empathy.

So I am out there... somewhere.

I am also here. If you are a regular or casual passer by and you want to share something or ask a question, go ahead... I won't bite your head off. Similarly if you see posts on other peoples blogs, you think I might like to comment on... call my name. I'm ready to heed your call.

Till next time, be my post be serious or fun...

May God bless you.

Personal Reflection

Several recent events in my life have caused me stop and think.

I've recently learned of parallels between my life and that of somebody else, that I was not previously aware of. It has caused me for the first time in a long stretch... to seriously ask whether or not I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. The last time I really felt this way, was back in 2005 when I attended a confirmation service at Coventry Cathedral. I saw something that has remained with me to this day.

A young, bald vicar who sported a goatee was standing beside one of the candidates he had brought with him from his church, to be confirmed. At one point this vicar stretched his arm out slightly above the candidate and turned his head to face them... in a pose very reminiscent of the Argonath from The Lord of the Rings. I remember feeling particularly inspired by this.

I'm not a fan of the clergy as an institution... but I have respected and been deeply fond of many of them as individuals. In fact I can say that I wouldn't be the person I am today without the inspiration and advice that God blessed me with through a few of them.

During my childhood, a lot of people assumed I would grow up to be a vicar myself... because faith is so important to me. In a way I struggled with that because I always felt that acting out your faith should be the status quo. Just because somebody is zealous about their spirituality, it shouldn't mean that they have to become a minister, pastor, priest, vicar, monk or whatever... faith and spirituality to me, are the natural state. We should all be passionate about what we believe. I've always remained apart from the idea of joining an official ministry in an attempt to illustrate this truth to other members of any congregation I'm with. I agree with Alastair that there is a latent, subconscious conspiracy between congregations and clergy that results in too much emphasis being put on ministers. Sometimes congregations don't want to get involved in the spiritual life of their church and expect their leaders to do it all for them... which is an unfair burden to ask of anyone. Sometimes, ministers accept to readily social privileges that come their way because of their position and standing. Either side can be at fault. The Bible says that we are one body, with many parts and that Christians are together after all a royal priesthood. We should all be doing our bit... As Paul* taught:

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load." Galatians 6:2-5

We - each of us, should do the work asks of us... for it is our personal load. However when we see someone struggling because they have taken too much on and are burdened... however important or trivial that person may seem to either our own perception, or that of the church... we should be prepared to step in and offer our support - because that is the way of Christ. We ALL need to do this.... not just leave it to clergy. The only thing that should determine whether or not you become involved in the official ministry of any denomination... is the calling that God places on your heart... that's it.

However, at times like these I do wonder whether or not I am doing the right thing... I ask myself, should I become a part of the system? Am I serving God best where I am... or should I sign up? Certainly at this time, Richard's passing has been a catalyst for these thoughts. I am genuinely uncertain as to which way I should go.

I've also been reflecting on other areas of my life. Things have happened to me recently that beg me to question, whether my past attitudes when I have been keen on a girl... have somehow come back to haunt me? Is the boot on the other foot?

You see I was never good at taking gentle, subtle hints from a girl if I was keen on one. I was a romantic... I used to believe that it would all turn out right in the end. I wore rose-tinted spectacles... and I used to emotionally hang on long after the time was right to move on. That could be if I just fancied someone... or worse if I was actually in a relationship.

Hopefully I've learned my lesson.

Even so, I do fear that I may be reaping what I have sown... that I may in fact be on the receiving end of the behaviour I used to exhibit. One thing I know about myself... I may be stubborn, I may take a lot of convincing, but once I have made my decision... I stand by it. I move on and I never go back over old ground. If the ship has sailed, it will not return. I do not become enamoured by the same girl twice.

All in all a lot to think about.

Prayers and thoughts would be appreciated.

Blessings

N

*I know Jenni has a different interpretation of the context of this passage, but both are acceptable and theologically correct... and this way round is appropriate to the message I am bringing on this occasion.

The Vigil

I have a little personal tradition that I carry out each year, one that I'd like to share with you... but first, to get things in context, let me refer you to a familiar story:

Gethsemane

They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch."

Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him."Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Simon," he said to Peter, "are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

Once more he went away and prayed the same thing. When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. They did not know what to say to him.

Returning the third time, he said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Enough! The hour has come. Look, the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!"

Just as he was speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, appeared. With him was a crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests, the teachers of the law, and the elders.

Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: "The one I kiss is the man; arrest him and lead him away under guard." Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, "Rabbi!" and kissed him. The men seized Jesus and arrested him. Then one of those standing near drew his sword and struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his ear.

"Am I leading a rebellion," said Jesus, "that you have come out with swords and clubs to capture me? Every day I was with you, teaching in the temple courts, and you did not arrest me. But the Scriptures must be fulfilled." Then everyone deserted him and fled.

Gethsemane is by far one of the most moving moments in history. Jesus Christ - knowing what fate is about to befall him, went to the Mount of Olives to pray. He took his closest friends with him, but they fell asleep. Another close friend comes along and betrays him... then when the crunch came... everyone abandoned him to his fate.

Yet despite all this... and despite the fact that he could have easily escaped (even from the Mount of Olives which is pretty big), he chose to stay.

He chose to stay.

For you and for me and for his Father... he chose to stay.

Something personal I like to do on Maundy Thursday (the day the Church calendar remembers the events just described), is to take a walk after midnight, through Moorfields Park:

I like to do this because when I was a child, I used to imagine it happening there... it was so real to me, I could point out different parts of the park and tell you where everything took place.

After this I travel through Bull's Head Yard, on my way to the local church:

It is along this alley that as a child, I used to picture the soldiers and guards dragging Jesus off down after his arrest. Curiously... it's the same run down set of buildings that I used to imagine the nativity might have taken place in.

Eventually I come to the church... by which time, it is about 12:30am. Nobody is usually around.... just me and God. What I try to do while I'm there, is to try and "be" with Jesus... albeit some 2,000 years too late. I just feel that he did so much for me... that the least I can do, is try to pray for him and "keep watch" with him in those few precious moments between the Last Supper and his arrest... the moments of despair and loneliness that he must have felt. Yes, I know it's silly. I know that in the human way of thinking... asking for something that has already happened is pointless. However, there are just two things that I would say to counter those arguments:

• I believe God is not bound by time... a prayer after the event, in good faith... is better than none at all.
  
• My love for God... forged on the basis of his love for me, requires me to treat him with a closeness that only the sincerest of friends and family deserve. If you saw your mother or father suffering, you'd want to help them... so why should it be any different with Jesus?

Eventually (sometimes it's 30 minutes later, sometimes an hour or so), I come out of church and return home via the route I came. I usually sit in the park for a few minutes and try to picture it all over again. Then I get as much sleep as I possibly can, before joining the March of Witness in the morning... where I usually look a little like a zombie, after having stayed up so late. In fact, having stayed up so late... just to share this with you... bed is where I should be going. So that is my little tradition. My hope is that it might get you thinking about what thoughts went through Jesus' head and heart that night... and to encourage you to appreciate them a little bit more.

God bless

N

What's In A Name?

I've been thinking lately about our attachment to identity. We attach a lot of importance to how we are addressed, both in terms our personal names and our nationality.

Two things have brought this up for me recently, the unionist/separatist debate over the future of the United Kingdom... and one of the elements observed in the bullying of Shilpa Shetty. In the former case, I explained in an earlier post how I would feel if the UK split up (I don't consider myself English but British), obviously other people feel differently about that and it doesn't make either them or I, right or wrong. There is no state, no law that can define how we identify ourselves according to international heritage... although they can of course refuse to recognise the nation to which we claim to belong's existence. In the latter case, Ms Shetty was labelled as "Princess" or "The Indian" or had a "surname" attributed to her out of ignorance. It seemed to me that what deeply hurt her initially, was the simple refusal of some of her peers to acknowledge her by name.

I met an old schoolfriend a few years ago, his name is Andrew Cutting. At school most of the lads were nicknamed after their surnames... he was, I wasn't - guess I was lucky. When I bumped into him I slipped into the old routine and it clearly hurt him. "It's Andy, Nick... you wouldn't like it if I called you Payne". I apologised and we chatted for a brief while. I've made a mental note not to refer to anyone from my past using past contexts, unless they are OK with this.

Similarly in my hometown, you can tell the people who I know and am known by... and those who know me primarily by association with my parents. Those who know my name call me Nicholas... those who know me, call me Nick.

The key thing about names is that they define how we identify with one another, ourselves and ultimately... God. In the Bible, God gave mankind the authority to name the animals. If I point to a horse, and say there is a horse... it gives no impression of personal value. If I point to him and say "There's Binky" and he responds, you know that there is some form of basic relationship. It's the same with human beings. In the West, we find it acceptable to walk into a room and give a generic greeting. Apparently (so I've been told), in Ecuador it is extremely rude to do this, it is customary to greet everyone in the room as an individual. I think they have the right idea.

We call one another by terms of endearment, nicknames I myself have been known as "Lunar", "Lunarboy", "Pyjama-Man" and "Natrel Man". We can choose to change our name by law, if we are unhappy with it... or if our known identity becomes a danger to our existence. Women can choose to surrender their surname, in order to become associated more closely with a man in marriage. We choose names that has special meaning, significance or affection for our children. Well... OK in my case I didn't have a name for two weeks because Mum and Dad couldn't decide and in the end I was named after the local church (an embarrassing tale for another time I think).

God also changes names... at times when people have a moment in their life that changes the way they relate to him. Abram was changed to Abraham, Sarai became Sarah and as I mentioned in another previous blog, Jacob became Israel.

God himself reveals different names attributed to himself, through the Bible. In fact a key theme in the Bible is how the same God is known by a different name when he reveals a new aspect of his character to his people that marks a new point in his relationship with them.

I'm going to leave you with a meditative challenge and a selection of the Biblical names of God that I found at Lambert Dolphin's website, which also has a more in depth examination of those names.

For the meditative challenge, I want to go back to the horse/Binky scenario. I want you to imagine you are in a sunlit field, looking up to the top of a gentle hill with a friend. I'd like you to try and picture "God" (or if you are an atheist, the person with whom you most closely associate that word) appearing over the hill. When you point to God, how will you describe him to your friend? Is he just the term "God", or is he something more personal than that? If you struggle, maybe the name you seek is in the following list. Whichever name stands out the most for you at this time in your life, I'd like you to go and meditate/think about it. Perhaps if you feel brave enough you could share the name that came to you, or maybe even what came as you meditated on that name. Here is the list:

• El - God
• Elohim - God, pluralised noun(as in the Trinity).
• El Shaddai - God Almighty
• Adonai - Lord
• Jehovah - LORD
• YHWH - I AM WHO I AM" or I WILL BE WHO I WILL BE
• Jehovah-Jireh - The Lord Will Provide
• Jehovah-Rophe - The Lord Who Heals
• Jehovah-M'Kaddesh - The Lord Who Sanctifies
• Jehovah-Shalom - The Lord Our Peace
• Jehovah-Tsidkenu - The Lord Our Righteousness
• Jehovah-Rohi The Lord Our Shepherd
• Jehoivah-Shammah - The Lord Is There
• El Elyon - God Most High
• Tsemach - The Branch
• El Roi - God of Seeing
• Palet - Deliverer
• Gaol - Redeemer
• Magen - Shield
• El-Olam - Everlasting One
• Zur - God Our Rock
• Melekh - King
• Father
• Son
• Holy Spirit
• The Trinity
• The Word
• Alpha and Omega - The First and the Last
• Y'Shua
• Jesus
• Christ
• Messiah
• The Lamb of God
• Saviour
• The Innermost Friend
• Comforter
• My All In All

I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts.

Grappling with God

I genuinely feel positive about the coming year, a lot of the obstacles in my life will fall away next year. It's been kind of like a race where I've started several hundred yards behind everyone else... and 2007 will see me cross the start line!

However, there is one thing that genuinely scares me. I have this feeling that at some point early in 2007, God is going to "call me out".

Over the past few days I have been very worried about a couple of things, which were leading me to feeling trapped and made me fear I was being sent down a road I did not wish to travel. I worried that I might have no choice or as a dear friend of mine once put it, that my only choice might be "eat the poo or don't eat the poo." Basically take what you don't want or go hungry. In the end it was just paranoia and nothing came of it... but I had been so depressed by the concept that I had sat up in prayer for an hour in the middle of the night, voicing my anger and my distress.

I've lately been thinking about the passage in Genesis where Jacob physically wrestles God... actually thinking doesn't nearly describe it, I've been obsessing over it. I've read it a couple of times and I've printed off three different sermons from the Internet concerning it, in the hope of discovering what the personal relevance is for me at this time.

Jacob seemed to be trapped between a rock and a hard place. He was uncomfortable with going forward and he couldn't turn back. He was in such a state, he divided his family, servants and belongings into two groups and sat alone on the banks of the river Jabbok, meditating and praying. God knew what was required and instead of patting him on the back and saying "don't worry Jacob it'll be OK", he materialises in physical form, not far from where Jacob was praying. With no distractions, it's just Jacob and God... so what does Jacob do? He decides to lay the smack down on God.

Not a good plan!

One thing I have in common with Jacob is my tenacity and stubborn nature... I don't give in easily. Jacob was never going to win, but he sure wasn't going to quit. God throws Jacob's leg out of whack to shorten the conflict... and that was the moment of epiphany. Jacob was fighting God for a blessing... but all of a sudden, he was no longer trying to beat it out of God... he was holding onto God in desperation. If he let go, God could have left and not blessed him.

God did bless Jacob in the end, actually he had always blessed him, but from now on Jacob realised that he was dependent on God's blessing and embraced him.

People fear God's sovereignty because they foolishly try to understand it in human terms. If a mortal man were to get absolute power, it would corrupt him absolutely. God is not bound to the same curse as us. You could argue that God was being selfish and unfair by doing what he did to Jacob... but ultimately that encounter benefited Jacob and the whole of humanity. What is good for God in the long run is good for us. Or as the writer of Hebrews put it so eloquently:

"Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

I have the feeling I'm going to have my nuts busted by God at some point early in the new year... but on the whole I think that'll probably be a good thing. Something I think I really need to learn, is that God's plan for me isn't just a yoke. He isn't just going to lead me into relationships that i have to tolerate... he's going to lead me into green pasture, people and things I can delight in... because ultimately I'm going to need those blessings to help sustain me later on.

To close with, I've embedded the video tribute to Johnny Cash's "God's Gonna Cut You Down", something for us all to think about there I think...

Things to Come

I sadly have not yet had the honour of becoming a parent, knowing the agony and ecstasy of watching something that is a part of you grow up and realising their own personal destiny.

However, I am knowledgeable enough to realise that when a child is born, nobody really knows quite what to expect along the rocky path of pilgrimage that is life on Earth.

Though this is true of every child, it was especially the case with Jesus Christ - not just for his parents, but for all those around him.

When you look at a child it easy to project your own ideas and aspirations about who or what he shall be... because to our eyes a child is an open book.

Even if you take the slightly unsubtle angelic gesture proclaiming the birth of Christ, then just a week into his natural life... Jesus was causing a lot of commotion.

Simeon spoke of him:

"This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too."

I wonder what Mary made of that? As far as we know, it is the first time she had any hint that the life of Jesus would be marked with controversy and suffering.

A short while later and Mary, Joseph and Jesus get a visit from some foreign wise men. They bring gifts "gold for a king", no surprise there... that's in line with what the angel said... Son of David, reigning over his kingdom - no problem. "Frankincense for a priest" - hmm interesting - whatever could that be referring to? After all Jesus was of the tribe of Judah - not Levi. What could it mean? Finally, "Myrrh" for the grave. Now everybody dies... but these gifts were to signify that kingship, priestly virtue and death were to play a major role in Jesus destiny. What could it all possibly mean?

As Jesus grew into a healthy teenager, favoured by God and men... he began to openly recognise the unique nature of his relationship with God in heaven. Hew began to say and do things that made his earthly family uncomfortable.

Eventually as a man, he struck out on his own... pursuing his Father's business, THE Father's business - namely making known the good news of the Gospel message: healing the sick, giving sight to the blind, feeding the hungry, raising the dead, proclaiming the forgiveness of sins and the coming of the Kingdom of God.

Just three and a half years later, his body hung limp on a cross - bruised, battered, cut to ribbons, drained of blood and life.

Just three days after that he was ALIVE. Not just revived, he had gone beyond death and become something so magnificent and wonderful... we can barely grasp the concept.

No one could have seen that coming as he lay gurgling away in the straw of Bethlehem. Who could have seen it?

My Christmas message to you is simply this:

What is Jesus to you? What do you expect from him? Is he merely forever frozen in time and space as an infant fairy tale on a stained glass window? Is he a wise teacher? Or is he the magnificent and wonderful risen Lord who comes to change the destiny of mankind? My challenge to you, whatever you see Jesus as this Christmas... is to let him grow in your heart.

"Don't be afraid!" That is what the angels said to the shepherds... and that is what I say to you. Don't worry about what Jesus will become in your heart, or fret over who or what that will lead you to become. Unleash God in your heart and just wait and see what happens.

God bless and Merry Christmas!

Nick

Madvent!

Today marks the first Sunday in the Church Calendar.... it is the start of a new year - Advent Sunday.

Needless to say everybody at church ended up running around like headless chickens because various things went missing. The prayer for the lighting of the advent ring couldn't be found. Rather than see this as a difficulty, I chose to see it as an opportunity. So I grabbed the service sheet, a pen and pad and then decided to invent my own advent prayer:

Jesus - Light of the World, you stepped down into the darkness of our lives and came to transform us with your love. As we light this candle, help us to remember with thanks that you came to save us by your death and resurrection; and looking forward , prepare our hearts for your glorious return. Increase our love and strengthen our hearts that we may be blameless in your sight. In your name we ask this. Amen.

Despite the fact the "official" prayer was found, we still used mine as well. It sounds like it may well be used again in the coming weeks. The ironic thing here is that I'm normally opposed to liturgy, and yet a simple prayer I created as a one off, now looks like it may well become a form of "unofficial" liturgy.

I should add that it's not liturgy itself I resent, some of the words are quite inspirational. What I'm resentful of is the habit in traditional churches of following the same pattern of service and using the same prayers over and over again. Prayers should not be recited parrot fashion, they should be from the heart. In services dominated by liturgy, it becomes so easy to flick an unconscious switch and drift off into autopilot mode. This is saddening because if you listen to people do this, they sound like something from popular culture... a race of automatons without feeling, emotion or individuality...

That's right, when I hear people praying without passion it sounds like the Borg. If you say a creed, don't murmur it... it is supposed to be the core of what you believe... not just fancy writing on a page. As for the Lord's Prayer... I wouldn't dare pray that without considering the awesome nature of the words. Just go away and think about what each line actually means and you will see what I mean. It CANNOT be prayed lightly.

I want to challenge people over how they worship. The things you are passionate about as a person, define you? What are you passionate about? Where do your passions lie? Do you reach down into the very depths of your soul and... no matter what you find there, pour it out in the way you express things? Though a stroke of the brush does not guarantee fine art, I firmly believe that everyone is an artist. We each have the capacity to be passion ate about things... and to convey that passion through speech, song, paintings, poetry and praise and worship.

Dare we be anything less? I'd like to encourage people to make a new resolution... to pour everything out from the core of their being... the pain, the elation, the joys the sorrows, the agony and the ecstasy.

It is our passion that reveals what we care about. Lets show it.

Revelations from a Quiet Place

It's taken me some time, but I'm now ready to share the profound experience I had on my birthday with you. It's taken on new significance since I saw the latest episode of Lost, where Locke enters a sweat lodge to communicate with the island.

I woke up on Tuesday and opened my cards. One of them was handmade by Jenni and contained a verse from Psalm 37. Another card from Rob, Susan, Benji and Katy was based on one of Rob's paintings and was called shine, it has a man standing with arms outstretched on a sunny hilltop beside a tree.

"Shine" by Rob Barley

I am certain that Rob had remembered a conversation we had had earlier about my desire for a late November birthday where the sun was shining and leaves were still on the trees.

Rob telephoned me later and suggested that I might like to visit one of my "thinking places". I looked out the window and saw that I had been blessed with a sunny day after all... and there were indeed leaves on the trees. So I packed my Bible into my bag and headed off up to Cold Comfort Lane. Now most of my old thinking places are long overgrown from my childhood days, but as time has gone on I've been fortunate to find new ones opening up. Thinking places for me are small and subtle. They normally follow a simple format... a strong tree next to a gentle brook that is slightly off the beaten track. Such places are a good place for me to hammer out things that are on my heart, mind and soul. If you don't have one... I strongly recommend you find yourself one. They have proved invaluable to me in the past.

Anyway, after about 15-20 minutes, I reached my destination and sat myself down on a large knotted root of an oak tree. I entered a short period of prayer and allowed myself to be immersed in the Holy Spirit before reading out Psalm 37, it's a long one so I'll pull out the most relevant points:

"Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause
like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when
men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. "

and...

"Consider the blameless, observe the upright; there is a future for the man of
peace. "

Both these scriptures are very relevant to me at the moment. I have seen people receive earthly blessings that they have not lived up to a standard of having been worthy to receive... and yet I remain untested... still a sapling while their trees blossom. However, I feel God is acknowledging my feelings but saying that I should not let the success of such people become a distraction. God has a plan for me and he has clearly already begun it. I should spend what time there is enjoying my relationship with him. When the time comes, when everything starts to kick off... all those needs will be provided for.

I just need to remain at peace with God and myself and the circumstances I find myself in... until the time is right.

It just goes to show, that you only have to allow yourself to be available to God ina quiet moment... and he can reveal so much to you.... though don't expect it to be what you want - that is arrogance. Instead, expect it to be what you need - that is obedience

For those of you who found all that a little heavy going, here is a picture of me as drawn by my godson Benji...

"Uncle Nick" by Benji Barley

Draw Near

I've been to watch Superman Returns today and had a great time. I've mentioned before in previous blog entries how various elements of the Superman story have been useful allegories in understanding various things god has said to me.

As I have testified recently, the Christian walk can often seem to be a lonely one... but feeling lonely is very different from being alone. We will always have Jesus Christ to mediate for us:

"Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." - Matthew 28:18-20

....and we will always have the Holy Spirit to administer to us:

"If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you." John 14:15-20

"All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:25-27

There's a line at the end of Superman Returns that sums this up for me a great deal:

"You will be different, sometimes you'll feel like an outcast, but you'll never be alone. You will make my strength your own. You will see my life through your eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father and the father becomes the son."

This is how we draw strength from our God. We have to be completely absorbed in his presence. One of my favourite analogies of how Christians should be is that of a sponge. When a sponge is fully immersed in water, you cannot tell where the sponge begins and the water stops. Is the sponge in the water... or is the water in the sponge? The answer of course is both. This is at heart what Jesus means when he says that we are in Him and He is in us.

The things we read about him doing, the attitudes that shaped his actions... we need to take these on. We need to perceive the World through Christ's eyes, because as his ambassadors he certainly see's the World through ours. By seeking to become more Christlike in nature... we challenge ourselves to become vessels of His blessing. If we draw strength from God there can be healing for the sick, the blind can receive back their sight, the prisoners shall be set free and the dead can be raised. Take those statements as literally or symbolically as you wish but both are true in the power and name of Jesus Christ.

The simple truth is that God... because He is our Father, desires for us to become like his one and only begotten Son. The son becomes the father and the father becomes the son. The only way for that to happen is if we invite him into our hearts... to the very centre of our domain.

I'm going to ask you one question, leave you with one challenge:

Imagine your heart is like a big house, it has public areas, private areas, it has functional areas, recreational areas. The question is this... in this house, where is Jesus?

Is he on your doorstep, still waiting to be let in? I urge and encourage you to invite him into your heart and welcome him as Lord.

Is he in the hallway... a cautiously welcomed guest who is still wearing his coat? I encourage you to begin to trust Him through prayer and bring him to the centre of your world.

"Ok" those of you who are mature in faith may be thinking... "Jesus is in my living room... that's cool, I'm fine". So Jesus is welcome in your household... but what about your bedroom... is it a tip (like my real one) that you are ashamed to let others look upon. Are you still serving up microwave ready meals from your kitchen where the appliances are unused, but the bins overflow with microwave dinners? Lets not go to the toilet for pities sake!

What I am urging you to do is look at those areas of your life that bring you shame... that you don't use, or are uncomfortable with... and let Jesus loose. He will clean up your mess and he will serve the finest of spiritual food. Just let him do what he wants to. Call on him and see if he will not rise to action?

Do it today!

blessings

N

Get Out of My Country!

Sounds racist doesn't it?

Depends on who you address it to though... doesn't it?

I myself to choose to yell this in the face of institutions such as the British National Party and the White Wolves. Those who would drive people into the seas on the basis of skin colour. I warn them here and now that the measure they use... will be used on them.

Would that I could silence them permanently. They use clever soundbites to capitalise on the political disaffection felt by the electorate... who feel let down over immigration issues by the major parties. They stir up dissension and hatred and to a greater extent then the major parties - play off the stupidity and ignorance of sycophantic or apathetic voters.

I'm writing all this because some moronic idiot has posted a racist slur on a newspaper delivered to one of the local shops. Oh I'm sure they are just some badly educated fool trying to have a laugh... and they don't believe what they have written (the grammar and spelling were awful), but I'm using the opportunity to spell out just how intolerant I feel towards the very existence of racist institutions.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.... I'm a pacifist... but if these sons of Satan ever got in power I'd strongly consider taking up arms against them. You can't just stand by and watch entire communities be fenced in or annihilated on the basis of their skin colour or creed.

The only people who deserve to be driven into the sea are the hatemongers who desire to do it to others.

This isn't their country - no country really belongs to any nation state, tribe or individual. In truth, there are no borders. We are merely stewards of the lands we occupy, when we die, it's someone elses turn. The only true owner of this land is Almighty God, whose signature is found in every crack in every stone... in the DNA of every living being and in the splendour and majesty of the heavenly bodies.

We are tenants and we have an obligation to God to be kind to our fellow man and tender to the planet he created... broken as it is through our own disobedience.

The way see it there are three ways of looking at the resources at our disposal:

Mine:
A selfish perspective whereby we consume everything for our own desires and pleasures, not mindful of the needs of others... making gain for gain's sake... like the rich fool who tore down his barns to make larger ones.

Ours:
A better attitude whereby we share our profits with those around us, recognising that people around us are valuable and worth looking after. It's still flawed though... who do you define as ours? Is it everyone... or is it just people around us who we care about? Even the BNP can lay claim to wanting to look after "our own". so clearly even this way of looking at things has it's drawbacks.

His:
The ultimate attitude of selflessness. By declaring everything as belonging to God, you set yourself free from the burden of your own perceptions. Who you care for is no longer determined by social class, colour, creed or mutual affection... it is determined by God's wisdom instead. The great thing is that God is gracious, he already promises and gives us more than we could hope for... and he longs to bless us. When we achieve the true state of selflessness as exemplified in Jesus, we live under the provision of the Lord of all. I ain't fully there yet... but I long to be.

Finally

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,

did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

but made himself nothing,

taking the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,

he humbled himself

and became obedient to death—

even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

and gave him the name that is above every name,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father."

What's it to be then?

Blessings

N

Conformity

Yesterday's Doctor Who was highly enjoyable. Not only did we have the return of the drone like Cybermen (with a new twist to their name as well), but at last we have a plausible explanation as to why the Doctor is limited to travelling only along our own timeline and not that of parallel dimensions. It had been niggling me... the idea that the idea that the Timelords were all but extinct, when surely there must be Timelords in alternate universes that have not been destroyed. now we know why the Doctor feels so alone - he can't get to the other universes to visit their versions of Gallifrey.

Anyway there were a couple of interesting points in yesterday's episode that could easily be used as allegory for Christian theology.

Firstly you have the "Preachers" led by Ricky (the parallel universe's Mickey), so called because they believe in the Gospel Truth (they don't believe in receiving information and data from bluetooth headsets invented by Cybus Industries, and with good reason for the owner of the company John Lumic is using the technology to further his own agenda of upgrading humanity with his technology and turning them into emotionless automatons trapped in steel bodies - the Cybermen.

Then you have the whole attitude of the Cyberman "race" to the rest of the populous. You must conform or be deleted. This is obviously setting them up with a showdown with the preachers who are the very antithesis of this. True to form the Preachers show up and try to gun down the Cybers with normal ammo - which fails to have any effect (long term Doctor Who aficionados will know that you need gold plated weaponry or ammunition as it messes up the run of the mill cyberman's respiratory equipment).

However the cliffhanger leaves the Doctor, Rose, Mickey and the Preachers surrounded by cybermen who are ready to "delete" them for not being compatable.

That is the world's attitude to Christianity. If you don't conform, you are incompatible and risk deletion. If you do conform, you lose your identity in Christ and become just another face in the crowd. OK, so you might not be trapped in a steel body deprived of all emotion, but you become something less than what you were designed to be, cut off from all the promises and potential that god had set aside just for you.

I'm going to leave you with a few scriptures to ponder and a challenge:

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

"For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory." Romans 8:13-17

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

and:

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26

So what are you going to be? A Cyberman or a Preacher. are you going to be a conforming tin man or a spiritually liberated child of God.

The decision is yours...

N

Dragonslaying

Happy St. George's Day everyone... today is England's national day! An occasion suppressed by political correctness, but never forgotten. Nor should it be, lest fascist bully boys claim it as their own.

Most people in Britain know some part of St. George's story. Much of it is steeped in myth and knightly fantasies concerning the rescue of helpless maidens from the jaws of dragons. He was born in Palestine and served as a tribune under the anti-Christian emperor Diocletian. It was the time that was known as "The Great Persecution". A time when some statistics suggest an average of 17,000 Christians were killed a month. The reason George was initially canonised was because of his opposition to Diocletian's policy. He openly protested against the murder of Christians in Libya and was numbered among them in martyrdom. Slain by the Empire he had spent a lifetime serving... and yet welcomed into a Kingdom that would continue beyond the span of Rome's life... stretching into eternity.

Anyway, that's enough of a voyage into Jackanory territory!

At Church today, we looked at Thomas and his moment of doubt. Poor old Thomas... he gets such a bad press. Everyone forgets he was one of the hardcore of Jesus' followers... the one disciple who suggested the others should go up to Jerusalem to die for Jesus. It must have been hard for him. All of his close friends had seen the risen Christ... Thomas was the first person to be asked to accept the facts without having seen them firsthand. It's possible Thomas had seen Jesus die, because he had knowledge of the spearing of Christ's side (although that could have been related to him with the others by John or Mary). Either way he was pretty upset... and then to cap it all off, his mates start acting off their heads or play some cruel joke by pretending his best friend was alive and risen. If I were Thomas I would be pretty angry. I'd probably want to swing for the others over their apparent disrespect.

Of course, with nearly 2,000 years of hindsight we know better. We know that Jesus had risen.

Thomas made his famous remark about not believing unless he could place his hands in the wounds of Christ. Christ them appeared on the scene in Beadle like fashion and Thomas fell on the floor, astounded by his confrontation with the awesome truth and proclaiming "My Lord and my God!"

I know that moment. I experienced it a couple of weeks ago when I was blessed with my job. Jesus blew apart my perceptions. I prayed before interview and gave it my best shot. i did well... but was beaten. Events like that were par for the course in my previous walk as a Christian. Always giving it my all but just coming up short. However as you may know if you read my earlier blog, the job fell back into my lap again... not by my effort but by God's grace. That was the "My Lord and my God!" moment. God displaying his sovereignty in my life.

So what has this to do with dragonslaying? Well, during my life of toiling against the tide of events... I had naturally grown a negative self image of myself. Fed over time by negativity and misfortune, that tiny creature grew and grew into a behemoth, a leviathan.... a dragon. We all have our inner dragons to slay... and you find them in the strangest of places. some are ever present and oppressive, some only come out at certain times to wreak havoc... other's still are like chamaeleons and blend in with the environment that they invisibly damage. They are like parasites. There is a parasite that when it enters a fish, alters it's nervous system... when all the other fish run away at the sign of danger, the altered fish sits there and waits to be eaten... because that's what the parasite wants. it wants to find it's way into a heron. that is exaclty what our inner dragons do to us. they change our way of thinking and make us act in a way thast is detrimental to our own wellbeing.

Ignore them and they will run amok in your life. Engage them in single combat and they will drain your strength and take away your focus from beneficial things.

Turn them over to God and great things happen.

The recent turn of events in my life has reshaped my attitude to myself and others. I'm not nearly so paranoid or defensive as I was. I'm not afraid of taking a few more risks... and when I do slip up I don't think the sky is falling.

I let God down the other night, because of this I turned up to Church today expecting to not get much out of the service. Instead I was reminded that:

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

God is on the prowl in my life. He is riding into battle and taking out my personal demons... one by one. in their place he sows a crop of good things, that even as I speak blossom and shape my attitudes more positively.

If you have dragons... seek the Lord. He will fight for you and you will overcome. do not rely on your own might for:

"I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all." Ecclesiastes 9:11

If you live only by using the tools and weapons that are found under the sun... you are left to time and chance. You might get lucky, but you might come badly unstuck.

Live life above the sun... under the authority and power of God... and those dragons have no power over you.

Want to slay your dragons? Let the Lord unleash his power on them!

blessings

N