...and Ecce January

This is my second attempt at writing this blog post... the previous one died after Google decided to log me out and my browser crashed. Grr.

Anyway... thank goodness - 2010 is all done and dusted, welcome at last to 2011.

I don't know about you... but I don't really have any major resolutions worked out yet. I don't have a road map as such.  I do know that this year will mark out a few changes for me, personally. Some of the opportunities that have given me greatest sense of joy , fellowship and sowing spiritual seeds, will not be available to me this year; those doors are closed this year it would seem.

The Bible teaches us that there is a time to sow and a time to reap... and that while one person sows, another reaps. Whilst I will continue to look for opportunities to serve, I do wonder if I am entering into a time where I will be able to reap things. As we begin the year, I am feeling an urge to once more spread my wings and broaden my horizon. I am not like Luke Skywalker gazing forlornly into a binary sunset... wondering if things will ever change. Things will change... they always do. We just have to be prepared to make and take opportunities... and most of all, trust in God.

Things will change. They always do. It just takes time, trust and action.

In the words of Bilbo Baggins "I think I'm quite ready for another adventure".

Although, I don't think I'm quite ready to be shipped out to the Undying Lands just yet though. No, there are plenty of japes, jollities, wonders, mischiefs and new discoveries yet to be experienced on this good Earth as yet.

I start this year as I mean to go on... thinking positive and looking for the opportunities and defining moments the year will bring. I've already begun looking at some options. Later in the year, I hope to go on a tour of Italy.

Last night, I found myself at a loose end and decided to lie down for 10 minutes of quiet time in my bedroom. As I did so, I felt an eerie breeze blow down on me and my mind was drawn back to an old, familiar story... the story of an eagle that was raised in the belief it was a chicken:

One day, a man stole an egg from the nest of a golden eagle... and he took the egg and left it nestled among other eggs in a chicken coop. One by one, all the eggs hatched and among them was the infant eagle. It spent every day for many years living among the chickens and scratching for food in the dirt, content with its lot... never having reason to question it's purpose or differences.

Then one day, a piercing cry was heard from above... and a silhouette... a strange yet somehow familiar shadow, swept across the farmyard. High above the farm below, an eagle circled in the bright sunlight.

The eagle asked his chicken "siblings" what this strange new bird was. "That is an eagle, he belongs to the sky... we are chickens, we belong to the Earth" they replied. Our earthbound eagle looks to the sky and ponders... he is about to dismiss all he has witnessed when he hears the eagle cry once more... and a breeze blows beneath his wings... gently ruffling his feathers. Instinctively.... the eagle scuttles across the farmyard beating it's wings. It catches the breeze, takes to the sky... and finds the thermal that takes it up to it's fellow eagle high up in the clouds and sunlight.

We need to learn from the eagle... living on the vertical as well as the lateral.

Like the eagle, our beliefs and opinions are shaped by our experiences; this is never more true than where our self-perception is concerned. We enter this world and live out our daily lives along a lateral axis... because that is what we see in the world around us. However, there comes a time for all of us sooner or later... when we are challenged by a call to live on the vertical as well as the horizontal. Taking into account what I said a few days ago at the end of last year... this is equally true for those of us who have already embraced a call to follow God. How easy is it to get entangled with the red tape in our lives... or to run with an idea given from God on the vertical... but use only the resources of the human lateral to carry it out.

We need to keep our ears to the ground and our eyes to the horizon... listening and watching for the whispers, signs and moments that empower us and transform us - that immeasurable help from above that causes us to amend what we are and shapes what we should be.

It is so easy to forget the vertical and live out life on the lateral... we need to remember there is more than just the complexities of modern life.

The obvious Bible passage to share with you here is Isaiah 40:31. However, I feel just using that one verse alone would be a little clichéd. So here it is with a few of the preceding verses (I shall explain why):

Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel, “My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God”? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint. 

Isaiah 40:26-31

I'll let you into a little secret... it's just between you and me. Part of my problem in previous years is that I have felt very much like Jacob and Israel. I have felt that my cause has been disregarded by God... that I'm out here trying to walk in his ways, while others have reaped the benefits that this life has to offer, regardless of what choices they have made.

You see, the temptation is not to stare at the horizon... or not to look to the eagle in the sky. The temptation is to become downcast and gaze at our toes... or look at the successes of the chickens around us and grow in despair. If we are different... then we are not going to find what we are looking for in the same places as others.

We have to decide what we are. We have to find our own voice deep within and sing with all our hearts. When it comes to who we are as individuals... we cannot be a half or a part of something. You either are or you are not. If our heart is calling us to be something and we repress it... it will in the long run reassert itself with a vengeance and either consume us or leave us feeling lost and wasted.

If we can but trust in the Everlasting God who loves us... he will lift us up and give us the strength to claim our true destiny... and become the people we are meant to be.

Though our feelings might suggest otherwise... they are temporary and subject to change. The Everlasting God does not faint, does not grow weary and does not forget his promises to us.

He can be trusted.

Trust him in 2011.

Worth the Wait (Some Doctor Who SPOILERS)

I'm writing this blog hot on the heels of having watched the new Doctor Who opener The Eleventh Hour.

I had faith that Stephen Moffat would look after the series, even when my initial reaction to Matt Smith's inheritance of the role first became known was a little queasy... and when the naysayers and doubters came out in force.

I didn't understand how it could work... but if you are a long time fan of the Doctor, you learn to look beyond these things and trust that things will work out.

The Eleventh Hour was brilliant. I think it was paced really wisely. The script gave breathing room for Smith to work into the role by injecting regular bouts of humour. In truth one of the things that makes Doctor Who magical anyway is its ability to offset dark plots with excellent humour and multifaceted characters... that and of course it's unique in built regeneration plot device that helps keep the show eternally evergreen.

There were plenty of memorable quotes, especially the line about having nothing to fix the universe with except a post office which was closed... and the Doctor admitting he was a mad man with a box (but that this was a truth that one day your life might depend on).

Mothers across the country may very well be terrified at the prospect that their children will even as I type, be emptying the pantry of custard powder, the freezers of fish fingers... and emulating the Doctor's new culinary invention - fish finger custard.

Who dares me to try it? ;)

Some people have been a bit critical of Karen Gillan... but I don't see why, she did pretty well. Maybe those critics are just paranoid racists and think that she's going to to turn out like Bonnie Langford just because of the hair.

Bonnie Langford was just "naturally" annoying in Doctor Who... it had nothing to do with her hair.

I liked her (No not Bonnie, I mean Karen!!!!! Phew I think I got away with that).

I found it quite appropriate that the episode fell on Easter Saturday. The Doctor promised his companion (then, companion to be), that he would return. However he then disappeared and she was left to wonder if she'd gone crazy and had an imaginary friend throughout her childhood... felt let down. Similarly, it's no secret that Jesus had told his followers on several occasions that he was going to return... but future promises are often a cold comfort in the face of disappointment (in Amy's case), or desperate grief (in the case of the apostles). As human beings we experience things emotionally and deal with things in the here and now. We are linear creatures and struggle to see the big picture.

Stephen Moffat described Amy Pond as being the kind of person who had become bitter and cynical about things like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy at an early age because of the Doctor's failure to return when she expected.

I liked the way that the Doctor returned to a cynical, hard hearted Amy Pond years down the line and convinced her to trust him. Ultimately he understood that the inner child that craved adventure and yearned to believe, still existed deep within; I think it was to this that he was appealing to. Certainly at the end when he invited her to join him, he pretty much explicitly states this.

When Jesus returned to life (and importantly he wasn't late in keeping his appointment), his disciples probably had the same issue. They had to choose between trusting their cynicism, fear and depression... or open themselves up to the possibility that the wonderful but unimaginable was true... and the latter is something our inner child is equipped to do.

This is something that interests me generally, but also particularly at the moment because I see many people I have grown up with filled with bitterness and cynicism to matters of faith. They unconsciously do this because of how God, Jesus and the whole topic of faith and spirituality was presented to them in their youth. Life and love were exorcised from faith and the truth was substituted cold religion... and that was something that they had no love for.

I wonder what would happen if they realised that the risen Jesus is not like the Tooth Fairy at all, is VERY real... and that he's there appealing past their hard heartedness and towards their inner child (not their naivety... it is possible to be childlike without being naive).

Upon his return, the Doctor asked Amy to trust him for just 20 minutes. It was only after that time was up that she finally understood that he was that person who she initially trusted and laid her hopes upon as a child.

Maybe that's where my friends need to be. Maybe that's where you need to be. Perhaps you aren't ready to trust God on a journey of a lifetime just yet. However... maybe, just maybe you need to give Jesus 20 minutes... or however long is relevant in your circumstances. Give him that chance to reaffirm with you that he is not an imaginary friend and not a tooth fairy; nor the taskmaster who demands robotic followers... but a real person, the fantastic one who can be relied upon in life.

Maybe this is your time to get reacquainted.

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me."

Revelation 3:20

Promised Land

It's been nearly a month since my return from Israel... and I'm still reflecting over many of the things I experienced while I was out there.

One thing that strikes me particularly at the moment, is the number of different names we have for the area - Israel, Palestine, Canaan, The Promised Land, The Holy Land...

Of all these, the one that resonates most powerfully with me is The Promised Land. It is a name that holds reassurance for the wanderer, the one who has eked out an existence in the desert whilst every other dog has seemingly repeatedly had his day. It is a name that holds hope for the future.

One thing that has played a lot on my mind since I've got back, are the events described in the book of Numbers, chapters 13 and 14:

After their God engineered miraculous escape from Egypt, the Israelites had been wandering the Sinai Peninsula and had reached a place called Kadesh in the desert of Paran. God commanded Moses to despatch a leader from each of the 12 tribes, to carry out a covert operation in the land.

40 days later, the band of spies return successfully, bearing the mother of all fruit baskets from their little adventure.

The good news - "We went into the land to which you sent us, and it does flow with milk and honey! Here is its fruit."

The not so good news - "But the people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large. We even saw descendants of Anak there. The Amalekites live in the Negev; the Hittites, Jebusites and Amorites live in the hill country; and the Canaanites live near the sea and along the Jordan."

All around the camp came the loud murmur of a nation grumbling at the prospect of entering such a land... they were a real "glass half empty" lot.

In response to this, Caleb then pipes up "We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it."

But the Israelites weren't having that... as quick as a flash, all the other spies with the exception of Joshua suddenly embellish the story and transform the inhabitants of Canaan into superhuman warriors (the Nephilim they refer to had such a reputation); they came up with the following cop outs...

"We can't attack those people; they are stronger than we are."

"The land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw there are of great size. We saw the Nephilim there (the descendants of Anak come from the Nephilim). We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them."

Isn't it amazing? How quick we are to forget God's promises... and how easily we forget his deeds for our own convenience?

They should have known better... not long before these events, the whole nation had witnessed God work through Moses - turning the sea to dry land and sweeping away the armies of Pharaoh as those waters returned to their rightful place.

The same God who performed such a feat... and who had led them safe through the desert thus far, was now calling them into the receipt of his divine promise. Would he really have done that if he wasn't prepared to back them up as had previously done?

Let's not be too harsh on Israel. We can be exactly the same... in fact for most of my adult life... yes even my Christian life, I have been. I have committed the sin of choosing safety over promises... and I have missed out. That's one major reason why I went to Israel. I didn't want to be subject to the naysaying of my own doubting heart. I didn't want to be ruled by fear... dread cannot be our sovereign, God must be.

Even now though,I am acutely aware that heading to Israel is actually only the first step... it is the equivalent of heading into the promised land to spy if the risk is worth it.

The challenge for me now is the same as it was for the Israelites. Now that I have seen that taking a risk with God does indeed yield rewards... am I prepared to continue along that path? Or shall I pass it off as a silly flirtation with adventure... and return back to the spiritual desert for another generation?

The thing is... and I can't recall what television programme I heard this sentiment expressed on recently - when one of your dreams comes true... you begin to take the other ones a little more seriously.

The things I hope for, I am now entrusting to God a lot less reluctantly than before. I choose to go forward... because it's new and because the land ahead is good. Yes there will be troubles, trials and struggles... but they will be new ones, not the same old tired ones that have dragged me down into despair and lethargy in the past. Furthermore, pressing on ahead... unknown as that journey may as yet be, is the path God wishes me to walk... and remaining in step with him, I can be assured of having him right there beside me.

I think the main point I want to make... the one that is as much for you as it is for me, is that we have to question the counsel we heed when we are presented with a new and potentially difficult venture on our journey in Christ.

Are we listening to the voices of suspicion, doubt an despair that say it cannot be done... or are we listening to the different spirit that God has put inside our hearts that says "do not be afraid" and "this is the way, walk in it." That different spirit is the Holy Spirit who doesn't just influence us to make the right decisions as in days of old... but instead dwells within us and changes us into the people who can walk in God's ways.

Caleb and Joshua had that different spirit... and so it was that one generation later, when all their contemporaries had passed away in the wilderness... it was they that spearheaded the campaign to claim what God had promised them.

So when the loud clamour of noise tells you that only doom and failure lies ahead, always remember that if God has promised something... it is he who will enable you to attain that promise. Have faith, keep on believing... and you will see God's wonders.

Fulfillment?

This time tomorrow I shall not be in the UK.

That's quite a daunting prospect for me... afraid as I am of the whole idea of flying.

However, as I prepare to head out into the skies above Europe, one thought occupies my mind. It is the memory of a vision I had many years ago whilst praying. I've shared it here before, but I have special reason for raising it again now.

In my vision, I saw an eagle hovering over a cliff top and stripping the nest of it's young.

I felt very strongly that God was saying to me, that this was his desire for me - that he was going to take away the things that forced me to stay on the ledge, he was calling me to fly with him. This image remained with me and was bolstered by a two friends independently telling me the same story (but crucially ending it differently).

The story concerned a man who had stolen an eagle's egg and had taken it home to his farm to hatch it among his chickens.

As the eagle grows, it pecks the dirt along with the chickens it has lived among. Then one day, as it reaches adulthood; a great eagle flies over the farm. Looking up, the eagle asks his chicken "siblings" what it is. They tell him that it is an eagle and that it belongs to the sky... but they are chickens and they belong to the ground.

Sadly in one version, the eagle takes heed of the chickens... and lives out it's days believing it was nothing more.

Crucially though, I also heard a version where the eagle listens to an unheard voice... a deeper call. It beats it's wings, takes to the sky and lets the thermals take it up to be with it's own kind.

My fears and anxieties would have me peck in the dirt till the end of my days. The people who have pegged me in a certain light, would have me remain in the mould they have cast for me. Since I booked my holiday last year, a lot of things have been happening to try and discourage me... the political unrest flaring up in Gaza... the increase in the number of planes dropping out of the sky.

This is me saying no to it all. This is me saying, I've got to trust that voice within - the one who calls me from the cliff side... trust him no matter what happens and no matter where he takes me. This is me breaking through the latex barrier that protects me and yet prevents me from exposing myself to situations where I can potentially thrive.

And as I take to the skies literally, in a very real sense my actions will be heralding a far more important flight somewhere deep within my soul.

A passage for you as I leave. Please ignore the fact that it is sometimes regarded as a
cliché, it is not. It certainly is not for me in my current context:

"Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:28-31

Jesus also said that he who wants to save his life will lose it, but he who is prepared to lose it for him, will live. We often tend to regard that saying as to the physical concept of life and death. I'm not sure that's the only way it should be seen though. Jesus also told the parable of the talents. That's a tale where a man loses everything because he's not prepared to risk what he's been given. Now I'm not advocating gambling here. I'm talking about the willingness to invest in things God tells you to invest in, even though you don't see a potential harvest. That's the kind of living sacrifice I talk about. If we aren't prepared to take those risks, then I truly believe that parts of us begin to die.

As Captain Kirk once said: "risk is part of the game if you want to sit in that chair."

In fact I'll play you out with the theme song from the much maligned Star Trek series, Enterprise... because it encapsulates a lot of what I am speaking about.

May God bless you until my return.

Secrets, Sins, Burdens and Confessions

We had a very interesting discussion at home group the other night, it was probably the most uplifting and helpful home group for myself personally, in some time.

We've been studying the epistle of James recently. Martin Luther regarded the book of James as "the straw epistle". I think that's more than a little harsh, to say the least.

It is from James where we get this little gem of a verse, that I'm sure even if you are a non Christian reading this... you wouldn't disagree with:

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

That said, I don't consider the word religion to be belief itself, I consider religion merely to be the "application of belief". That is why you can see so many people going through the motions of a belief system, without actually being passionate about it. I don't consider myself a "religious man", but rather a "man of faith". I suppose you argue that it's a similar thing to me identifying myself as British rather than English (curiously my motivation seems to share common traits).

Speaking about religion and faith actually brings me to the point of my post. One of the verses in our final study in James provoked a fair bit of discussion:

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. " James 5:16

Not being Roman Catholic, I don't believe in the sacramental necessity to confess my sins to a priest in order to obtain absolution. I believe in justification by faith, I confess my sins to Jesus and repent, he forgives me and I do my best not to sin again; reconciling myself to others if my words or actions have offended them.

Having said that, I do believe there is a time when it is good to reveal to a close friend or confidante, the things of the past that weigh heavy on your soul. A friend reminded me of this by recounting a story where I had done something wrong in the past, and had repented of it years before... but still bore the burden of it in my heart. We both remember well, the night we stopped on our bicycles... prepared to go our separate ways... and I felt motivated to confess what I had done. Ever since that day, the burden has never weighed me down... because it was shared.

Several years later, I was given the opportunity to repay the favour when, the same friend shared one of his burdens with me. This time it wasn't about sin... but about personal calling. In both cases, one of us felt motivated by God to reveal an uncomfortable or cumbersome truth to the other. In both cases the burden was shared and the load lightened. It formed the basis of personal spiritual healing.

So in a way, I do believe confession IS good for the soul... not when it is a ritual, but when it is an action motivated by the Holy Spirit... when it is an outward sign of an inward change.

All this, reminded me of another verse (this time from Paul's letter to the Galatians):

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

I wonder if you feel motivated to share something with somebody close to you? Maybe you should. It doesn't have to be anyone in a fancy frock... just someone you trust. Heck if you are really pushed, you can even try me... and you have my word I would destroy anything you emailed me, to retain confidentiality. I don't for a moment expect that anybody shall... but the offer is genuinely there.

Blessings

N

Pushing Back

I've taken another big step to stabilising my finances.

I'd been putting it off for about a week or so... I was afraid of handing that much money over, but I knew it had to be done. I'm now in the situation of having 2 old debts cleared, with just £200 to go on one more... and then my friends, then we can look at finishing off my old car loan.

I've had a couple of minor setbacks - the insurance payout on my car was significantly less than I hoped and insured the car for (they also still demand I pay my monthly installments despite no longer having the car - immoral), and my breakdown cover took a fair bit of money when I severed my transactions with them. Minor setbacks, but they are just the one step back to my two steps forward. I am finally pushing back the boundaries that penned me in for so long.

It just goes to show that dodgy ex girlfriends are very expensive things (note to self - don't go so high maintenance next time, you need looking after too!) and it's been an expensive lesson. I paid the emotional price some time ago... if I hadn't learned those lessons, I don't believe the economic burdens would be lifting now.

I've spoken to the bank and they say that I can switch to a flexi-loan that would enable me to pay off in less than a year.

Awesome!

The emphasis is shifting from the mistakes of the past, to the hopes of the future... which bare founded in God.

I just want to encourage people who think they are in some kind of pit or quagmire at the moment... be that one caused my financial conditions, sin, heartache, depression, sickness... it doesn't always end in tears. I have carried my burdens for over a decade... there were times when it seemed very dark indeed. I couldn't see a way out of a relationship that was draining the life out of me... but God himself paved the way for me to leave.

I felt forlorn because I couldn't see a way to ever get on level terms financially because of my past mistakes. God changed my attitude and circumstances... and here I am coming to the edge of the storm front... the darkness before the dawn. Yes it's been rough, but finally the light at the end of the tunnel is clearly in sight. I feel like I've been at sea for many years and at last the familiar shorelines of home are in view.

It can be done... not just for me... you can be free too You can be restored. God may take his time but he is always faithful.

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
the great locust and the young locust,
the other locusts and the locust swarm —
my great army that I sent among you.

You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
and you will praise the name of the LORD your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed." Joel 2:25-26

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

If the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed!

An Example of the Goodness of God and People Working Together

This story is a little long, but please bear with I I think it's worth it:

A few months ago somebody recommended an autobiographical book to me. It was The Heavenly Man by a persecuted Christian evangelist in China called Brother Yun. I got round to buying this book and reading the first chapter.

Sometime after that (I'm guessing it was when I crashed my car), I lost the book.

A month or so later and it's now last weekend. An Internet friend of mine sends me a package, as a little thank you for the times I've listened and advised over problems. I opened the pack and what was inside? another copy of The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun (Thanks Charlotte).

So at this point I'm already praising God for some awesome goodness! But it's not the end yet... I'm on my way to catch a lift to work on Tuesday. In my bag I am carrying the Brother Yun book and my Bible. It's getting close to the time I need to be picked up, so I break into a jog. Little did I realise that the weight of my Bible bouncing up and down, would force the rucksack open. As I ran down the road I was completely unaware that both my Bible and the other book had fallen out. I am completely surprised at lunch time to get a call from my Mum telling me that a girl had found my Bible and dropped it into the police station... and that a police lady would drop it round later (I put my name and address in the Bible now because my last Bible went walkies at Coventry Cathedral of all places).

I was overjoyed that my Bible had been recovered... but nobody had seen the other book, neither the girl who found my Bible... nor the police lady who walked home along the same route I had taken. I set out to look for the book myself, I left no stone unturned... I looked in bushes, I looked in a skip and I even went downtown to check the charity shops in case anybody had found it and not known what to do with it. It was hopeless though... there was not even a trace of my book.

I felt really bad because not only had I lost the book again... but I had let a friend down.... a friend who out of the goodness of their heart had bought me the book as a gift. Now it happened that they were online when I got home, so I resolved to fess up! When asked if I was alright, I answered "uh uh" but it was misread and they thought I said "uh huh" meaning everything was OK.

Something deep inside me told me to take the conversation as it was and not reveal what had happened. I think I knew deep down that this tale was not over.

The following morning, I was walking to my pick up point feeling a bit pants (to put it mildly). As I passed the police station I see an old lady across the road and in her hand... is the Brother Yun book. I was astounded and overjoyed. The lady didn't appear to have great eyesight and was pretty frail looking... yet somehow, she had seen the book fly out my bag and had gone out to retrieve it. She wasn't fast enough to catch me (now that would have been impressive), so she retained the book in her safekeeping.

She must have sat looking out of her window for a good half an hour looking out for me. So despite losing everything and despite myself, God gave me everything back in that situation.

God is great!

As I didn't have the opportunity to thank the girl who returned my Bible, I decided to buy a Body Shop voucher and have invited her to come to the new Alpha Course that is starting up tomorrow night. Maybe God still isn't finished... maybe he still has work to through all this. Please pray that if this girl needs to hear the Gospel, she will feel motivated to come out of her own free will and curiosity.

Heh heh... I love it when a plan comes together!

Draw Near

I've been to watch Superman Returns today and had a great time. I've mentioned before in previous blog entries how various elements of the Superman story have been useful allegories in understanding various things god has said to me.

As I have testified recently, the Christian walk can often seem to be a lonely one... but feeling lonely is very different from being alone. We will always have Jesus Christ to mediate for us:

"Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." - Matthew 28:18-20

....and we will always have the Holy Spirit to administer to us:

"If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you." John 14:15-20

"All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:25-27

There's a line at the end of Superman Returns that sums this up for me a great deal:

"You will be different, sometimes you'll feel like an outcast, but you'll never be alone. You will make my strength your own. You will see my life through your eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father and the father becomes the son."

This is how we draw strength from our God. We have to be completely absorbed in his presence. One of my favourite analogies of how Christians should be is that of a sponge. When a sponge is fully immersed in water, you cannot tell where the sponge begins and the water stops. Is the sponge in the water... or is the water in the sponge? The answer of course is both. This is at heart what Jesus means when he says that we are in Him and He is in us.

The things we read about him doing, the attitudes that shaped his actions... we need to take these on. We need to perceive the World through Christ's eyes, because as his ambassadors he certainly see's the World through ours. By seeking to become more Christlike in nature... we challenge ourselves to become vessels of His blessing. If we draw strength from God there can be healing for the sick, the blind can receive back their sight, the prisoners shall be set free and the dead can be raised. Take those statements as literally or symbolically as you wish but both are true in the power and name of Jesus Christ.

The simple truth is that God... because He is our Father, desires for us to become like his one and only begotten Son. The son becomes the father and the father becomes the son. The only way for that to happen is if we invite him into our hearts... to the very centre of our domain.

I'm going to ask you one question, leave you with one challenge:

Imagine your heart is like a big house, it has public areas, private areas, it has functional areas, recreational areas. The question is this... in this house, where is Jesus?

Is he on your doorstep, still waiting to be let in? I urge and encourage you to invite him into your heart and welcome him as Lord.

Is he in the hallway... a cautiously welcomed guest who is still wearing his coat? I encourage you to begin to trust Him through prayer and bring him to the centre of your world.

"Ok" those of you who are mature in faith may be thinking... "Jesus is in my living room... that's cool, I'm fine". So Jesus is welcome in your household... but what about your bedroom... is it a tip (like my real one) that you are ashamed to let others look upon. Are you still serving up microwave ready meals from your kitchen where the appliances are unused, but the bins overflow with microwave dinners? Lets not go to the toilet for pities sake!

What I am urging you to do is look at those areas of your life that bring you shame... that you don't use, or are uncomfortable with... and let Jesus loose. He will clean up your mess and he will serve the finest of spiritual food. Just let him do what he wants to. Call on him and see if he will not rise to action?

Do it today!

blessings

N

Surviving the Tempest

I have passed through the storm.

The latest personal struggles I have wrestled with have not overcome me and i thank God for that. I was stretched and hard pressed in the face of my old insecurities and now I understand why. I suffered because it bothered me that people... even Christians tend not to listen to me... and the enemy wanted to remind me oh so much. However as wily as evil is it always, ALWAYS makes the same mistake... it becomes overconfident and overextends its thrust.

Sure enough when I was on my knees in despair a misunderstanding flared up between me and a couple of brothers/sisters in Christ that threatened my entire relationship with the Body of Christ - that is, the Church. I could have just been hostile or shrink away dejected at what had happened... but despite my feelings, I sought the Lord in my troubles - I asked him to use the day's set scripture in Every Day With Jesus to be relevant to what was happening and speak to me about the situation. Here is the verse that stood out most:

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

I felt convicted about my emotions and my fears. While it's true that we all have them, it is not always healthy to base our actions entirely on them. You see, I conformed to my fear of being ignored. It governed my actions. If I felt depressed about not being listened to, I obsessed over it and hankered after people all the more. Deprived of contact by people around me, I wallowed in hurt and pestered people. Looking back it's been a dominant factor.

I wonder why God chose now of all times to call it to account? It feels like he had been filling me up like a jug for some time but was holding his hand across a hole in the bottom of me to stop the water falling out. It then felt like he took the hand away so that I'd notice the water falling out and call on Him to fix me.

Maybe this is something new I'm learning and if so, I offer you this same pearl of wisdom:

If God's hand wasn't there to cover each hole in the first place we'd never get filled with His blessing. That God sometimes chooses to take His hand away so we notice the sense of being blessed seemingly ebbing away, isn't an act of negligence or callousness on His part... but a way for us to understand we have a need to be healed... and the means to find that healing in Christ.

In my case I got others to pray for me and do you know what... I've not been bothered the slightest since. I need to remember this victory, lest I fall back into the same conformity that damaged me before.

It is not merely enough to strip ourselves of the ungodly armour that protects us - I had done that... but it was insufficient. we have to clothe ourselves in God's might too, there's no room for Conan the Barbarian in God's army we need to protect ourselves and one another by relying on God.

I felt God saying to me that if I place too much value on how other people, even Christians feeling about what I say... then how can he use me to say the hard things that may need to be said soon?

Could it be that God is preparing his people in this area... for something major soon?

I pray it is so

blessings

N

Cats Claws versus God's Love

Earlier today I was talking with Sue - a good friend of mine, with regard to my recent conclusions about having to face my past. Despite knowing I've got to go back and face some of my issues over the past, I am reluctant to do it and keep putting it off. While I was talking to Sue, a story from my past bubble to the surface and it proved to be a good analogy of what perhaps lies ahead:

Several years ago, when he was still alive, my mum tried to carry our Tomcat down the stairs. Nothing unusual in that at all... she'd done it countless times before, but this time was different. On that occasion, Mum somehow lost grip... and Tonic took a tumble down the wooden slope.

He was completely unhurt on the outside, but it had given him a nasty scare. From that day onwards, if anyone tried to carry him down the stairs, he would hiss and growl until he was put back down on the floor. He had lost his trust in people's ability to carry him safely.

This went on some time, until I finally resolved to do something. Tonic was sat at the top of the stairs, he wanted to go down but couldn't be bothered. He kept looking up at me wondering what I would do... but we both knew what he would do if I picked him up. Despite this, I knew what I had to do. I reached down and lifted up Tonic.

Sure enough he started hissing and spitting but I hugged him firmly but gently to my chest. I took a step down the stairs and it was then that I felt his claws go in just below my collar bones - OUCH.

I'm not one to give in easily and so I took another step, tighter went the claws. This continued as we went down the staircase... but I carried on regardless. About three quarters of the way down Tonic relaxed his claws and the pain slowly ebbed away. I went back and forth up the stairs several times. Eventually by remaining steadfast, I banished Tonic's fear to a place where it would not come back from... and restored his faith.

I believe God is saying that in my situation, I am just like that cat... and that no matter what nasty scares memory and time have lying in wait for me... they will not overcome me. He will hold me close by as surely as I did with Tonic.... even if it hurts him. As human beings we get emotional, especially when forced to confront something we find unpleasant. However, Christians know that we have a God who is steadfast, faithful and true. It doesn't matter how much our fear causes us to dig our claws in - he loves us all the same. Two thousand years ago, our sin, anger and fear... the things that separate us from God drew Christ's blood out on the cross. It is through that blood, that sacrifice we are saved.

If Christ was willing to bear with us to his very death, over our disobedience... then we can have confidence that he will still bear with us when we suffer and our sinful nature and vulnerability lash out at him because of our obedience.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen." - 1 Peter 5:6-11

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." - Matthew 28:18-20

Earlier today, I listened to the U2 track that used to be on my website. Though the whole song is enlightening and relevant - I feel I may have kept you long enough, so I'll just quote a little from it:

Take my hand

You know I'll be there,

If you can I'll cross

The sky for your love

And I understand

These winds and tides,

This change of times

Won't drag you away.

Hold on, hold on tightly,

Hold on and don't let go

Of my love.

The storms will pass

It won't be long now.

The storms will pass

But my love lasts forever.

And take my hand,

You know I'll be there,

If you can I'll cross the sky

For your love.

Give you what I hold dear,

Hold on, hold on tightly.

Hold on, hold on tightly.

Rise up, rise up with wings,

Like eagles you'll run, you'll run.

You'll run and not grow weary.

Blessings

N

Sentinels At Every Gate

If you read my blogs often, I hope you've noticed that I try to be honest about where I am, I feel it's better to do that, than to just coldly preach the Gospel. I've always wanted you to see that everything I say comes from the heart and is genuine... not just from a text book, that you may know that my faith is a living one and not counterfeit.

I've had it a bit rough lately... if you are interested in knowing the context, read up my earlier blog entry, entitled A Rough Ride. I failed to stop making myself feel downcast. Sometimes it's the little things that drag you down, not the big ones. As the saying goes it's often "the straw that breaks the camel's back."

When I was young I locked myself behind behavioral walls to keep people from getting close and hurting me. Having learned from that fatal mistake... I am now the kind of person who hungers acceptance from the people I care about. Rather pathetically I can take silly little things like a drought of Christmas cards to heart... I know, stupid huh? Sometimes if you feel a certain way, it is all too easy to misread signs.

I had a picture the other day. I saw myself in the centre of a circular room with many doors. Each door was guarded by an armed sentinel, holding out their right arm in a "do not enter" gesture". This distressed me a great deal, because I hate feeling trapped. What is quite frustrating for me is that in all areas of my life, that is exactly how I feel - whichever door I try, for whatever reason... entry is barred. It's a bit like having the Argonath from Lord of the Rings standing in front of me... intimidating me and forbidding me entrance into the world of men.

The Argonath

So I decided to look for a scripture concerning gates, and I was struck by some verses in Nehemiah 13. In that chapter, the gates of Jerusalem are shut and barred for the Sabbath... to keep it holy. It has dawned on me this morning that perhaps that is all that is going on. For God has spoken to me before and reminded me that "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength" (From Isaiah).

Maybe I've had a touch of the Martha's (Christian cliche). During his ministry, Jesus stayed at the home of Mary and Martha:

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Perhaps this is merely a time to sit and meditate. There are promises out there for me, but they are dependant on God's grace. I know they are coming... but it is by his sovereign choice that they will come... and not by my desire or effort.

I need not fret at trying to force those gates, it is for holiness they are shut and not for frustration.

A couple of scriptures a friend once told me have come into my thinking lately:

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." 

Zephaniah 3:17

and:

"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!"

Isaiah 30:18

Certainly reading on into the following verses of Isaiah 30 gives me cause for hope.

Waiting is a hard game, especially when we don't know when a resolution will come. I always remember Professor Robert Winston's programme on the human mind. Some children were involved in an experiment. They were given a small lump of chocolate and told they could either have that, or have a larger amount in a "little while". Now to you and I the choice is clearly logical, wait for 5-15 minutes and it's a choccy fest! However, at a young age children do not have a properly defined sense of the passage of time. Most who were under the age of four... opted for the here and now, what they could see before them.

But even as adults... we are no different when it comes to the things of God, are we? We do not have a proper sense of the time in the eternal or cosmic sense... we see life in terms of our lifespan on Earth. This causes us to want all our objectives to be achieved in the here and now. God knows all the things he has for us in the fullness of time, so he's not as hasty. All we need is a little patience and trust. This, I tell you as a mere apprentice, or at best a journeyman... by no means am I a master.

Finally, for the patient - for those who wait, God promises this:

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:31

So, for now; in the words of a famous Guinness commercial - "Here's to waiting!"

God Remembers

That sounds a little odd doesn't it? Does God forget people? However, when the Bible talks about God remembering someone... it's not that he forgot they were there, it just means that he returns to someone with special compassion and concern... after leaving them in a particular situation.

I am hoping that this is what God is working in me at the moment. I've struggled long and hard at the bottom of a cistern, waiting to be rescued! I talked through the Proverbs scripture I've been wrestling with, with a leader at church... and got it prayed over.

We covered the ground where Rachel was frustrated by her barrenness... and God "remembers" her later and when the time is right she is blessed with Joseph. Similarly God "remembers" Noah, just before the flood (good job really).

I realised this morning that despite forgiving the person who hurt me a while back, I had not told them... instead I had completely ignored them. I feel that God was challenging that stance I had taken this morning. A scripture was on my heart, specifically the bit in bold:

""Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
He also told them this parable: "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

I realised that just because I'm not comfortable around someone because of what they did to me, and don't wish to be close to them again; it gives me no excuse to blank them out of everything.

Lately I've been worried that somebody I have discovered feelings for, is not talking to me... and I don't know why. Yet how can I expect them to talk to me, if I myself am not prepared to talk? How dare I have the audacity to moan to God that someone is silent with regard to me.... if I myself am silent to another. Repentance comes before revival, both personally and nationally, so I knew i had to act.... whether I be blessed or not... righteousness requires me to settle my accounts peaceably.

I sent a text today, to acknowledge and thank the person who hurt me for sending back my borrowed belongings, to forgive them for the pain they caused... to apologise for my silence... and to say that I needed to remain distant, but not that I intended to be ignorant.

I don't know if God is going to help me out in my specific circumstance but I can only trust in him. It was weird that the Bible verse today was on Joseph... because that's largely where I feel I am. Having received promises and visions for the future... I find myself stuck in a cistern wondering how God will get me out of the pickle.

I'm waiting God... please answer.... remember me.

As David would say.... "Come Quickly Lord."