Well, Well, Well....

I had a very interesting experience this evening on the way home from work the other day. It wasn't the wonderful sight of the setting Sun as I passed through the rural back roads (although that said, it was truly spectacular that night - a ruby red orb serenely hanging above the horizon). No, the experience to which I am referring to relates directly to some of the issues I referred to in my previous post.

Before I go any further let me affirm here and now that I am not a man who believes in coincidences... not really.

On Thursday lunch time, I skipped the reading in my Bible notes and thought to myself that I would stop off at church on the way home and read them there instead. Come 5:40pm I was very tired and sorely tempted to head off down the easy, more direct route home along the A46; however I decided to stick with my earlier decision and travel through Wilmcote towards church.

As always at that time of day, the church was quiet... and I made my way inside with my Bible notes. I looked at the reference at the top of the page and was utterly astonished.

The reading for the day was this:

"The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.  So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.

But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."

Genesis 2:15-25

It totally blew my socks off, and if you're reading this having followed on from my previous post, I'm sure the amazing parallel won't be lost on you either.

Yes, it's exactly the same passage that triggered my angst filled February... but it didn't affect me in the same way at all. So apart from the fresh resolve I adopted towards the end of that last post... what has changed? How has a passage that has caused me so much angst in the past 30 days suddenly become something else so suddenly?

Context is everything. Same passage, different time, different place, different thought being presented to me.

You see I find that the sanctuary at Great Alne Church is a great "thin place". It's a place I feel I can go to in peace and solitude and know that I am in the uninterrupted presence of God (yes I know God is accessible in all places through Jesus, but I'm sure we all have places that we strongly associate with God's presence in our lives).

Equally importantly, I was alone and not bouncing off other people's thoughts. So there was peace outside and inside.

I feel like Elijah on Mount Horeb. February was the earthquake, wind and fire... God's attention getter. March (the beginning of it at least), has presented me with the still, small voice of calm. You'll notice that for both Elijah and myself, God addressed the situation with the same point before and afterwards (don't worry I'm not getting delusional and comparing myself to Elijah).

I have once again got to give thanks to the words of the late Selwyn Hughes, which as always when I find myself in these spots of bother, strike home at just the right point and in timely fashion.

Selwyn writes these words:

Loneliness is the feeling of being bereft of human companionship, the sadness that comes through the loss of a loved one or the failure to find a close and loving friend. Some Christians hold the view that all loneliness is a sin. One Christian writer says of loneliness: "If a Christian is lonely, then it means he or she is not walking with the living God; if they were, then we could never feel lonely. Loneliness is therefore a sin - a refusal to accept the companionship of God."

Personally I find such reasoning unacceptable. It is possible to walk with God and yet feel bereft of human companionship - thus lonely. Adam walked with God and although we do not read that he was "lonely", God clearly saw the possibility of this and, as our text today points out, provided a companion and a helper for him.

I felt acknowledged. I really felt that God was drawing alongside me and saying... "Where you are now? Where you have been? It's okay, it's not held against you and I am with you in this."

Just that simple act has shunted me in a positive manner. I was offered the opportunity to go out with an old friend the other night. Normally I'd have been my elusive self, but I had to concede to myself that if I've been so vocal about the fact people seem to be on a train running in a parallel direction to me but not noticing me banging on the window trying to get hold of them.... that when someone does start knocking back, only a fool would spurn the opportunity.

So I went and was rewarded with another dose of healing medicine. One of my great fears and concerns when around other people, is that there are so few people who "get" me. However I  was surprised to discover that I am not alone as I think (or admittedly like to think sometimes). There are people out there who have my wavelength... and as few as those people may seem to be, now if I have found one or two... then I can have confidence that there are more out there. The only catch is that as unapparent as I am on the surface, those people are equally so.

So I am now at peace once more and have had some of my initial optimism for 2010 restored to me. I also don't feel as restrained and restricted and believe in my heart that as unseen as things are, God is definitely working for me in this situation.

I feel energized once more... and don't feel like I'm wading through toffee.


It's good to be back.

Perfect Storms

OK so it seems I have gone quiet again... so what has happened?

Truth be known, February wasn't a great month for me, not at all; in fact it turned out to be something of a perfect storm.

I started out quite low on fuel (that is to say I'd been watching out for a few of my friends who had been struggling lately and had felt very little in the way of input from my peers). That in itsaelf I could contend with, until it seemed that the Almighty decided to weigh in with something of a surprise...

It was the first Sunday in February and I found myself attending a commissioning service presided over by thate new Bishop of Coventry The Right Reverend Christopher Cocksworth. In his sermon he focused in on one verse...

just one tiny, little verse...

It was however a verse that I have history with. It was Genesis 2:18, which reads:

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.

Why should that verse cause me such a problem? Well, quite simply it's the verse I used to appeal to God with when highlighting the situation in my personal life. It was quite literally as if God was holding a delayed action mirror up to me.... and all the emotion I'd been pourring out to him over those years in the past was being knocked back into my court.

I felt slightly aggrieved to say the least. You see I'd made a bit of a commitment last year not to revisit that area of my life and just get on with things. I felt very strongly that God had "broken the ceasefire" don't misunderstand me here, God is sovereign and knows what is best for every one of us... if he decides to break the ceasefire it's because he as the right to do so... and IS right to do so...

... that doesn't mean you have to like it though. It also doesn't mean that it won't hurt.

After the service, a good friend asked the question why myself and three other people seemed to have been left in the cold while so many other people were sorted.

At the time I remember stating something along the lines of in my case that maybe it was because i wasn't prepared to sell out and compromise my beliefs just to get what I wanted.

It just so happened that the next Sunday was Valentine's Day which for me at least,is normally a non-event... in fact this is something I've grown used to from childhood (except for a period of a few years when I wish it had been a non-event). Normally I just pay it no heed and get on with the day... telling myself it's just a stupid commercial thing that cashes in on people's emotions.

However as I was still feeling raw from my experience the week before, I couldn't handle it as well as I normally would. In fact... so bothered was I, that had I not been on coffee that morning I would definitely have skipped on church (I knew it was a dead cert it would come up in the sermon because I knew the style of the vicar who was preaching that day).

I sooooo wanted to do a Jonah, but it was not to be.

I then started to hear of another friend's suffering, and I started to become quite angry with people who were from my perspective "living the dream" and yet complaining about extremely minor problems while ignoring the plight of those around them.

It seems the view becomes extremely clouded when you sit atop an ivory tower.

The third element of my perfect storm came within a week of these things.... and I cannot discuss it openly because it would do more harm than good.

Suffice it to say that a sitiuation arose that left me feeling surplus to requirements and extremely underappreciated. It was made worse by the way it was handled (both in the way it was sold to me, and the logistics of how it came about). It meant that on what was meant to be a day of celebration, I was feeling extremely awkward.

And following this, I received an email that made it clear things had not just been falsely sold to me... but to others as well, and a response was required that as of this time I have not felt able to commit to.

The worst of it though has been the stonewall silence of a few people. When I was extremely low, I poured out how I felt and recieved no response at all... oh that's not true, within 6 hours I had a request for help from them which coincided with their ignorance of how I felt.

I'm not naming them... I'm not the sort to do that, but something has changed. Normally I'd suck this up and just accept it. I'm not doing that anymore. In the past I'd be worried about people concerned reading this... for fear of it affecting friendship negatively. However that isn't really the truth of things is it? The fact is that I have no reason to hide my feelings on this... for it is they who are the belligerent party.

We are now moving into March and I'm finding as I emerge from the crucible of February's inferno, a new sense of resolve deep within on many fronts.

I have realised that in terms of relationships, hen you say you'll leave something a lone... what you do isn't nearly as important as how or why you do it. I've sat out of circles where I could meet people... but by doing that I've retained the issue at centre circle, I should have actually got out there and been more social and just put the issue in a cupboard... but no I had to be a martyr. This I seek to change.

As to friendships, I'm going to be more assertive. The friends of mine who are truly in need, I'm going to rally and lift. Those who are taking advantage of my symbiotic nature and behaving in parasitical manner are going to learn that there is no holding back now. If they cross me, they will know about it. I recently came across a clip from an old western:

Ok so it isn't the greatest of flicks but the message is clear:

In all your dealings with me, you may believe that I don't think or act in a manner that you are used to in your dealings with others; that is merely because of the way I choose to act in response to you. It's not that I don't know how perhaps I should respond like others... I just chose not to before because you matter to me. However, do not forget that I also matter... and from now on you will understand that it wasn't because I didn't know how to responbd like everyone else, I just don't typically have a mindset where I have a use for those responses. Don't confuise the two different states of mind.

Or to put it another way and to quote a recent Thor graphic novel:

"There is only one difference. In this time, and this place, I am no longer holding back."
 





NB I appreciate this was a long and fairly angsty post but I wanted to get my muse, my writing mojo back... and this seemed a good way to clear the air in a manner that might achieve that.

Topsy Turvy

This week's been a strange one to say the least.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I feel like I've been lugging around a mountain full of Kryptonite based on my own decisions and commitments.

It became intolerably heavy and I was really struggling with it... but just as I came to cracking point, God enabled someone to understand my position exactly; they know who they are and they have my eternal gratitude for their perception and kindness.

So one minute I'm nosediving and the next, I'm levelling off and have strength for the road ahead once more.

Actually come to think there's a verse in "For All the Saints" (a song which we didn't sing around All Saints Day this year), I've been thinking about it over the past few days:

And when the strife is fierce, the warfare long,
steals on the ear the distant triumph song,
and hearts are brave again, and arms are strong.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

When you think that this weekend marks the Festival of Remembrance, that takes on extra meaning. How weary must our nation's soldiers feel... bearing the heavy burden of a war they did not ask for and in many ways are not thanked for. How important to them is the need to hear the songs of victory and spiritual homecoming... that we so often take for granted.

On the slim chance that any servicemen reading this, you are not alone... and when we hear the stories of sacrifice that seem to come in so frequently... please know that you are not far from our thoughts and prayers.

Though my blog post is not about that, I felt it would be crass and insensitive not to make that point.

Going back to the hymn verse, I feel that it's something we all need to experience. In my blog post "Listen...", I referenced Elijah's encounter with God at Horeb.

However before that encounter, Elijah had felt despondent and unable to carry on. It took a visit from an angel of the Lord to give him the physical and spiritual nourishment he needed in order to continue on his journey.

God knows that sometimes we let ourselves get run into the ground (even and sometimes especially in his service).

He always provides the strength we need to continue.

The next part of my week that somewhat came out of the blue, was the revelation that a student I went to college with years ago, was and is a Christian (although during our shared time at college, she was going through a rebellious phase).

I'd always been quite open about my beliefs at college and aside from my friendship with Dom (a friend who I'd known since school), I'd always assumed I'd been alone on that front.

How do you react when you learn something like that?

Well, one worldly way of looking at it, would be to turn inwardly... be selfish and feel bitter - "all those times when I was getting knocked for my faith... where were you?"

However that is not the Godly way to look at it. In truth I take no umbrage and am not in the remotest sense or slightest way upset.

I am merely overcome with deep joy, that someone I had known as a colleague for a short time is actually a fellow worker and sister in Christ.

In a topsy turvy week, you can choose how to look at things... on this occasion I think I chose wisely.

Later in the week I lost my keys... and spent a whole 24 hours moping about the fact and a further 24 hours without personal transport.

I searched everywhere around the office and retraced my steps to no avail. I visited the police station to report them missing but held little hope because last time something like this happened, nobody was honest enough to hand them in (I am assured by the people around me that the latter scenario is the norm.... a fact I truly struggle to comprehend).

I set the wheels in motion to get myself a new car key as over a day had passed and I was getting fed up of relying on the inefficiency of regional public transport. I did however have this nagging gut feeling that they keys would show up... and I should have trusted my instinct, because when I got home after the second day... there was a message on the phone advising me of the safe return of my keys.

In a topsy turvy week you can choose how to look at things... on that occasion I think I chose poorly.

All in all a very up and down week. I am just thankful to God and the friends I have, that I have been able to navigate my way through it.

A Burden of Kryptonite

Sometimes in life, you find that the weight of your decisions becomes very tangible.

This is never more true than when you make a decision that goes against the grain of everything within you. In light of recent events I've certainly been feeling this in quite a profound and very personal way.

I keep thinking of this scene from Superman Returns:

That's what it feels like to me, anyway.

Actually that sums it up pretty well... Kryptonite if you recall, is made up of the remains of Superman's homeworld, Krypton... and exposure to it is harmful to him. When Superman came to Earth, he gained powerful abilities, a destiny and a life beyond the imaginations of mortal men.

Thinking about that, isn't it exactly the same in the Christian journey?

We begin our lives, like everyone else... born into a doomed world. However we are saved... not by a rocket ship, but by the grace of God granted to us through the willing sacrifice of his Son, Jesus:

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit."

Romans 8:1-4

He took the punishment of a dying world onto his shoulders and gave us the opportunity to change our destiny. We could choose to remain on our dying world... or find new abundant life in the kind of life the Father had originally planned for us:

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. ⁸Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

Romans 8:5-8

Jesus said that he came that we might have life and have it in abundance... live it to the full... to remain in disobedience, is to remain on Krypton... and we know what that leads to...

Nevertheless, as the apostle Paul observed, even if we claim the salvation on offer to us and cross over from life to death, we are still broken people. Just as in the DC universe, fragments of Krypton made it to Earth and harm Superman when he comes near to it... when we come close to the remnants of our sinful nature, it also has a nasty effect:

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."

Romans 7:14-25

Basically if we go near the sinful nature, we come under it's influence... but it's not always as straightforward as you might think it seems. As all Superman aficionados are aware, Kryptonite does not come in a single flavour. Sure, green makes Superman sick and can kill him, but there are other forms that prove harmful in other ways. In the same way as Christians, the sinful nature tries to harm us in different ways. Sometimes a wrong choice in life might not necessarily be an "evil" one, it's just that it's not a beneficial one. In other words we can make choices that... whilst not overtly harmful, are disobedient to God's perfect will for our lives.

"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive.

1 Corinthians 10:23

Or perhaps we get ourselves into situations where the power and authority God grants in ministry to us... are neutralised by our behaviour or need to conform to the peer pressure around us.

As I said, it's not just a simple matter of being outright "naughty".

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:1-2

We need to take a good long hard look at our lives and start yanking the Kryptonite out of it... and that's what my current struggle surrounds. I may not be outright rebellious, but I'm certainly prone to my fair share of disobedience... and my struggle concerns me putting God first in an area of my life in which I too often have got carried away.

Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?

Luke 9:23-25

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews 12:7-11

So I find myself lofting a huge chunk of my own Kryptonite out of my life and deep into space, it is a heavy burden... but it must be done. Someone might say that, if it's so heavy... why isn't God helping?

Ahhh but there it is, God is helping... without his strength it would be impossible to even lift that burden.

Remember that Jesus Christ himself suffered when he was tempted... we see a glimpse of this in the Gospels... but the most crucial temptation he went through, was that of being in the Garden of Gethsemane... and wanting the cup (the burden of having to suffer for our sins), to pass.

There are times when we all want the cup to pass but the book of Hebrews again offers us this advice:

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:2-3

Why should we do this? Well earlier in the book, we are told just why the temptations that Jesus suffered, matter so much to us today:

Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

Hebrews 2:18

The difference between the weight we carry as Christians and the weight we bore before coming to salvation is as fundamentally different as the difference a diver would notice between a life giving aqualung on his back as opposed to the millstone tied around his ankle.

That is what Jesus meant when he told us:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

The weight that Christ gives us to bear brings life... if we choose to struggle on alone with the weight the world gives us, we sink to the ocean floor and die.

Finally we can be sure that our struggle is not futile. The battle is long and fierce... but in the end if we trust in God, we will triumph. This goes for everything... whether we are talking the major conflicts that shape our final destiny, or the daily battles that shape who we are and discipline us in order that we can claim what God has promised us in our temporal lives for:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:28-31

May God grant you victory in whatever struggles you face today.

Blessings

N

In Search of Ithaca

I recently took part in a personality quiz on Facebook entitled "Which Work of Literature are You?"

The result did not come as any surprise to me at all. My answers most closely associated my personality with The Odyssey by Homer:

Life is an epic journey. It exists only to challenge you, so that you might prove through overcoming incredible obstacles your worthiness to yourself, your loved ones, and your God(s). Trial and Tribulation is the name of the game, and you won't ever stop until you reach the promised land.

As I said, it didn't surprise me. It sums up how I often feel about things. It's the same reason why I've always (even since childhood) been drawn to stuff like Battlestar Galactica (both versions) and even why I'm more tolerant of Voyager than most Trek fans.

I really relate to tales where a major character is alienated or isolated from the people and dreams they hold dear... and is forced to fight insurmountable odds to achieve nothing more glorious than the right to get home.

Whether they wine and dine, fight their own personal battles against oppressive forces, or count their wealth and blessings in their vast treasure stores... the other kings and queens of Greece do so from the relative luxury of home and have plenty of contact with the other kings and queens...

I have fought their Trojans on many occasions... but when my trials come, many of them either cannot tell when I'm all at sea, are unable to do anything to assist... or simply do not care about my fate (except when it is intertwined with their own).

I'm still searching for Ithaca. Sometimes I make good progress, other days I end up in a right pickle... onwards I go nonetheless.

In my mind I have of late pictured myself as a tall ship sat on a windless ocean. I am sat waiting for a sudden gust or a gentle to send me off somewhere... anywhere but I have neither direction or power... I seem quite depleted of personal resolve.

Periodically I go through times when I tend to struggle with the reality of my circumstances... or should I say the reality of my lack of circumstances. At these times I look around me and reason that I am all alone... save for the company of God.

I truly believe these times are an attack against me... the enemy seems to disrupt me the most by isolating me from other Christians. He uses the perceived injustice of my position... and the emotional mistreatment/neglect of people I have known to cripple me and lay me low.

I once heard a man preach that our relationship with God is like a table on four legs - prayer, studying the word, worship and fellowship. Take one of those legs away and the table wobbles a bit... take two away and it gets ropey. The argument is that as the elements that make up a healthy relationship with Christ disappear from your life, the more unstable and rocky your faith becomes.

The first leg that always gets clobbered in my case is that of Fellowship.

I felt really despondent the other day, but there was a glimmer of light at the end of it.

I finished work feeling entirely fed up and exhausted....and wanted to o straight home and veg out. However I was very conscious of wanting to spend time with God and I knew if I headed home I'd either plonk myself in front of the computer or hit the sofa and shut myself off.

So I made a concerted effort to go to church.

As I drew near, I noticed that the door was open (unusual given it's rural location), yet nobody was there. Even though the truth is that it was probably merely left that way by the previous visitor, it nonetheless lifted my spirits and made me feel welcome. After a short time of prayer and bible study I headed home feeling somewhat better than I had that day.

As I made my way back down the path, thought back to the open door and I heard the reassuring words:

"My door is always open for you Nick."

So I'm still out there looking for my Ithaca... but I have the best ally in the universe to aid me in my voyage... and something tells me that the wind isn't that far away. The symbolism of the door being open,and the words put on my heart reminded me of a certain passage:

"To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write:These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name."

Revelation 3:7-8

Promised Land

It's been nearly a month since my return from Israel... and I'm still reflecting over many of the things I experienced while I was out there.

One thing that strikes me particularly at the moment, is the number of different names we have for the area - Israel, Palestine, Canaan, The Promised Land, The Holy Land...

Of all these, the one that resonates most powerfully with me is The Promised Land. It is a name that holds reassurance for the wanderer, the one who has eked out an existence in the desert whilst every other dog has seemingly repeatedly had his day. It is a name that holds hope for the future.

One thing that has played a lot on my mind since I've got back, are the events described in the book of Numbers, chapters 13 and 14:

After their God engineered miraculous escape from Egypt, the Israelites had been wandering the Sinai Peninsula and had reached a place called Kadesh in the desert of Paran. God commanded Moses to despatch a leader from each of the 12 tribes, to carry out a covert operation in the land.

40 days later, the band of spies return successfully, bearing the mother of all fruit baskets from their little adventure.

The good news - "We went into the land to which you sent us, and it does flow with milk and honey! Here is its fruit."

The not so good news - "But the people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large. We even saw descendants of Anak there. The Amalekites live in the Negev; the Hittites, Jebusites and Amorites live in the hill country; and the Canaanites live near the sea and along the Jordan."

All around the camp came the loud murmur of a nation grumbling at the prospect of entering such a land... they were a real "glass half empty" lot.

In response to this, Caleb then pipes up "We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it."

But the Israelites weren't having that... as quick as a flash, all the other spies with the exception of Joshua suddenly embellish the story and transform the inhabitants of Canaan into superhuman warriors (the Nephilim they refer to had such a reputation); they came up with the following cop outs...

"We can't attack those people; they are stronger than we are."

"The land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw there are of great size. We saw the Nephilim there (the descendants of Anak come from the Nephilim). We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them."

Isn't it amazing? How quick we are to forget God's promises... and how easily we forget his deeds for our own convenience?

They should have known better... not long before these events, the whole nation had witnessed God work through Moses - turning the sea to dry land and sweeping away the armies of Pharaoh as those waters returned to their rightful place.

The same God who performed such a feat... and who had led them safe through the desert thus far, was now calling them into the receipt of his divine promise. Would he really have done that if he wasn't prepared to back them up as had previously done?

Let's not be too harsh on Israel. We can be exactly the same... in fact for most of my adult life... yes even my Christian life, I have been. I have committed the sin of choosing safety over promises... and I have missed out. That's one major reason why I went to Israel. I didn't want to be subject to the naysaying of my own doubting heart. I didn't want to be ruled by fear... dread cannot be our sovereign, God must be.

Even now though,I am acutely aware that heading to Israel is actually only the first step... it is the equivalent of heading into the promised land to spy if the risk is worth it.

The challenge for me now is the same as it was for the Israelites. Now that I have seen that taking a risk with God does indeed yield rewards... am I prepared to continue along that path? Or shall I pass it off as a silly flirtation with adventure... and return back to the spiritual desert for another generation?

The thing is... and I can't recall what television programme I heard this sentiment expressed on recently - when one of your dreams comes true... you begin to take the other ones a little more seriously.

The things I hope for, I am now entrusting to God a lot less reluctantly than before. I choose to go forward... because it's new and because the land ahead is good. Yes there will be troubles, trials and struggles... but they will be new ones, not the same old tired ones that have dragged me down into despair and lethargy in the past. Furthermore, pressing on ahead... unknown as that journey may as yet be, is the path God wishes me to walk... and remaining in step with him, I can be assured of having him right there beside me.

I think the main point I want to make... the one that is as much for you as it is for me, is that we have to question the counsel we heed when we are presented with a new and potentially difficult venture on our journey in Christ.

Are we listening to the voices of suspicion, doubt an despair that say it cannot be done... or are we listening to the different spirit that God has put inside our hearts that says "do not be afraid" and "this is the way, walk in it." That different spirit is the Holy Spirit who doesn't just influence us to make the right decisions as in days of old... but instead dwells within us and changes us into the people who can walk in God's ways.

Caleb and Joshua had that different spirit... and so it was that one generation later, when all their contemporaries had passed away in the wilderness... it was they that spearheaded the campaign to claim what God had promised them.

So when the loud clamour of noise tells you that only doom and failure lies ahead, always remember that if God has promised something... it is he who will enable you to attain that promise. Have faith, keep on believing... and you will see God's wonders.

Different

Well I made it back.

But before I post anything about my experiences in the Promised Land, I thought I'd like to share with you the effect my miniature odyssey has had on me.

I feel like my procrastination levels have dropped significantly. Yes I think about things, but in several key circumstances recently I have found myself acting on my thoughts within a relatively short space of time. I don't seem to be afraid of my choices any more. I accept that some of those choices are not always going to pay off how I might like... but I'm not as scared of making those decisions as once I might have been.

What is more I seem more resilient to things that normally would have bothered me no end. Someone said something to me recently which normally would have speared me clean through and left me moping for ages... but I found that while I was initially hurt by the words, in hours they bounced off. I was bruised but not broken by it. I was kind of thinking... "Huh? This isn't supposed to happen!"

I think too much good has happened for me to risk casting it all aside over any one thing.

I set out for Israel in the hope of achieving three personal objectives. All three of those were met by the grace of God.

I flew, there and back again.

I swam in En Gedi and the Dead Sea (if you are a casual reader you are thinking "so what". However, if you know me, you know the reasons why I had hang ups on that front).

I met several Palestinian Christians.

How those things played out are tales in themselves... but the first two were utterly crucial steps in claiming back ground in my heart of hearts... and I simply could not have done it without the grace of God. However, in doing those very things I find myself changed and changed for the better.

The rules of the game have been favourably altered.

Remember an old passage I quoted in a time of sadness?

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

Proverbs 13:12

Well...in the past couple of days I've found myself coming back to a passage that was mentioned quite early on in our studies in Israel:

"But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever. I will praise you forever for what you have done; in your name I will hope, for your name is good. I will praise you in the presence of your saints."

Psalm 52:8-9

Perhaps some very important longings (longings I may not have been entirely aware of), have been fulfilled. And with that fulfilment there is perhaps the promise of a new period of personal growth.

I remember very clearly the day I dived into the waters of En Gedi. I remember it especially because earlier that day I had nearly collapsed with heat stroke on the barren slopes of Masada. I somehow made it to the bottom and kept myself going... but it was not until En Gedi that I was restored to a better condition.

That event was a microcosm for so much in my life. Trying to climb down from a desolate fortress in the beating rays of the midday sun, and then discovering that in order to be restored, I needed to commit myself to do doing something I feared and let God have me in a situation I did not wish to consciously go. Plunging into those icy waters was not just restoring to my body but restoring to my soul... something I feel the whole holiday experience has been about. I am determined to see that the lessons and experiences I have taken from my trip, are not lost from memory or time.

But I have a question to ask of you.

Are you on Masada or in the springs of En Gedi? Are you stranded on a mountain and failing fast, or have you learned that there is an answer to your weariness and burdens... albeit a difficult answer that requires you to face something you fear or are uncomfortable with? Sometimes you have to face your Masada's before you can finally be in a place to find the refreshing spring.

But please take it from someone who knows. As awkward, troubling and challenging as that journey may seem to you... you should take it, because restoration is at hand for the one who is willing to surrender to God instead of striving through their sorrows.

May God bless you, grant you courage and above all... restore your soul.

Moving Swiftly On

As you may have gathered, yesterday was pretty intense and my post was verging on primal.

Since that time, I've had opportunity to reflect on the things that have hurt me and think I have found a way of coming to terms with the things that irritate me and as a result, I'm more philosophical about going forwards.

I was sitting in my car and praying about my feelings, my attitude and the events and actions that led up to them. I suddenly became aware that there is a lesson to be learned here... I've learned it before in another area of my life.

It's the lesson of letting go.

In surgery there comes a time when those operating have to agree that the battle is lost and continuing is a waste of resources. Similarly, while saving the past is a noble pursuit... it must not be done at the expense of the present or future. God knows I have a stubborn streak running right through me. Is it just stubbornness though... or is it actually arrogance? When everyone else walks away, I remain... because some part of me thinks I can hold the centre.

But is it actually my place to hold the centre?

No it isn't. This is riding a dead horse. If I keep devoting my energies to people who have disappeared over the horizon, I'm not going to be able to be there for the people who are to come... and I'm going to burn myself out.

I learned this many years ago in respect of relationships... and now I realise it's equally applicable here.

Let the dead bury the dead.

That's not to say I will slam the door on people who have come and gone... it just means I have no need of their approval... and I'm not being held back any more.

You see it's occurred to me, this is just another step on the road I'm travelling... a necessary one. When I go to Israel next year, who knows what I'm going to discover? One thing I do know though... if I go out there still looking back, I'm going to miss the moments.

In fact, that is just as true now... isn't it?

So onwards I travel... and no longer shall I let my gaze linger on the road behind me.

Now is it just synchronicity that "The Times They Are A-Changin" is playing on my Last.fm radio.

Doldrums

I've had a pretty uncomfortable couple of days.

Forgive me for what is going to be a little history lesson but thinking back, I believe it all started while I was meeting a couple of friends, who during the course of conversation were putting forward the idea of a reunion of sorts. This reminded me of a time when I was let down bitterly by many good friends. We used to meet and have a reunion once a year in the pub... but this started to become impractical and I organised a meet up at my own home. Despite people's promises and the effort I put in, almost no-one showed up... most painfully of all, it was some of the people who I am (maybe I should say was) closest to, who let me down... and I haven't forgotten.

You know it is remarkable how self-absorbed people can be... it really is and it is getting to be ridiculous. People always come to me with problems they want to share, or prayer requests... and yet on the rare occasions I go to them with even the slightest concern, they start rubbing their chin like a dodgy plumber and coming over all "tricky, could be tricky... not sure I can fit it in really".

The truth is that people when they get their slice of pie on this Earth, can be very neglectful of the friends they leave behind. Yes I know people have other commitments... but to completely shut out those people who have helped contribute to who you are today? Disgusting. I mean take for example when people return to town after a long time away... do they ever bother to ring or text for a night out? No.

They have forgotten.

I think what really hurts though, is to see people enjoying the things you can only dream of... and then on the odd occasion when they stuff things up or need help, they come to the one person whose plate is practically empty to ask for bread.

It's been rough... I had a bad Monday at work, and I'm being faced with an overload of people celebrating their own blessings... whilst I'm feeling somewhat of an outcast/exile. I think this is all being exacerbated by a change in the seasons... and I'm sure these feelings will pass. However even if they do.... will the reasons for them also disappear?

Unrequited love is a terrible thing... but how much worse is unrequited friendship?

A Time To Be Meek And A Time To Be Bold

I read a very interesting story about Alexander the Great in my Bible notes the other day.

Apparently Alexander prided himself on allowing his subjects to visit him and make requests. On one such occasion, a pauper came to him to make a request... nothing unusual in that. However this man didn't just hold his hand out for alms, he stepped forward with a shopping list that included farmland, a dowry for his daughter and a scholarly education for is son. The court waited nervously... surely this man would be executed... or at the very least, thrown in jail for showing such impertinence.

However, that is not what happened. According to the tale, Alexander acceded to every wish. After the beggar jubilantly left the palace, Alexander's servants began to express their shock at what had transpired. When asked why he had acted as he did, Alexander shrugged it off by saying "I get weary of these people who come to see me in their shoals asking for a gold piece. That man treated me like a king. He asked big!"

We can come to God in much the same way... but hold on... didn't Jesus say something quite different? He once told a parable:

"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

Luke 8:10-14

I don't think these stories are contradictory... even though one is biblical and the other is not.

You see... Alexander's beggar wasn't exalting himself; he was recognising the exalted nature of his king.

The crucial thing to remember whenever we pray, is that we should be centring our thoughts and petitions on God... and not ourselves. When we approach God knowing our need of forgiveness, we must not become obsessed with our failings to the point that we refuse to receive God's mercy. The tax collector knew how bad he was... but he also knew the only person who could change that situation was God... so that is who his prayer focused on.

You see in his own way, the tax collector was very bold. He knew his failings, he knew the penalty of his failings.... yet he went before God anyway. He didn't wallow in self pity (for this in the end just leads to a never ending cycle of repeating the same mistakes - take that from someone writing, who has had experience in such things).

Unlike Alexander's beggar, the tax collector didn't seem to expect anything... he just hoped God would hear him and grant mercy.

Maybe you are reading this and you feel you are in the same position. How can God forgive you for what you have done? Do you prefer to hide it all away and just take it for granted that you are doomed?

There is hope.

God sees the genuine nature within our hearts. If we sincerely regret what we have done, we can have confidence that he will forgive us.

We must be meek enough to realise what we have done is wrong... and bold enough not to withhold ourselves from God... we must have the courage to come forward and ask forgiveness. It needn't be in front of an altar...you can do it just as well in the privacy of your bedroom.

And when we come to God with petitions... if he is at the centre of our requests, we can have confidence in his power to provide. We forget too easily that God is the ultimate resource. We prefer instead to struggle on in our own vain strength.

Yet as Paul prayed when writing to the Church at Ephesus... God is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or even imagine.

Jesus himself told his disciples that God responds to shameless audacity (as long as it is not selfish), that he longs to give us good things, and yet like the prodigal son we squirm around in the mud looking for pig slop.... when if we only lifted our eyes... there lies a banquet for us.

God did not put a Spirit of timidity within us. I am utterly convinced that big things are coming in this generation... but we need to wise up, we need to wake up. We need to be prepared to ask for God's empowerment if we we truly want to be a part of hi wondrous plan.

We need to get real. We need to stop being selfish and doing things in our own strength... we need to remember who we work for and that we can ask boldly for his power to be at work in us.

Lets conclude with the words of John Wesley, from his hymn And Can It Be That I Should Gain? In the final verse:

No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him, is mine;
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach the eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
Bold I approach the eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.

Fall Back... Spring Forward!

The clocks have gone forward and not a moment to soon.

I'm not a winter person by any means... I get weary of the dark nights and mornings and I get lethargic and bogged down in many ways. Long live the Spring!

Similarly I've recently been through a mini-winter spell of the spiritual kind. OK, call it an overnight blizzard. Whatever it was,I had been feeling out of gas and was wide open to spiritual attack... and as sure as the winter follows the autumn, the attack came.

This is why, in matters of belief you shouldn't merely trust your feelings; instead you should check them against your faith and the facts.

Sometimes it's the small things that remind you of your greatest hopes. It is the single flower that pokes it's head above the snow; the glimpse of a distant ray of sunlight in the midst of the maelstrom; the sound of songbirds returning from a wintry exile; or the scent of blossom on the gentle breeze following a bitterly cold gale...

... the tenderness of a brief kiss, following a long exile.

Likewise it wasn't something massive that shifted my feelings/perspective. It was an answer to the briefest of prayerful thoughts. I had on the advice of friends, turned down the offer of one car (I wasn't sure about it either), but I find that I study my Bible and pray best when I'm alone at lunch times. All well and good in the summer, not so good in the winter or when it is raining down. I also am acutely aware that I need to to see a friend who needs my help and I knew that in order to do that I needed my own transport.

So I prayed.

It had been a good few weeks since I rejected the previous car and I thought I had been forgotten. However, the very morning after I prayed that prayer... my phone rang and
I was told of another car. I pursued it ardently, recognising it as an opportunity not to be missed.
Come Wednesday, I should be the owner of a silver Peugeot 206 51 plate with a mere 34,000 miles on the clock. No, it doesn't look like the one in this old advert:

As a brief humorous aside... have you ever noticed how big budget adverts make cars that were top of the line in year's gone past, look even older and more naff now that time has moved on? Here's a good example. Takes my breath away? Yeah with laughter. Please feel free to post me any of your own examples

Anyway, back on topic and as I said... the answer was nothing major, but it was a small blessing... like that first flower through the snow. It was the timing that was crucial and not the magnitude.

More importantly it reminds me of a blog post I wrote quite some time ago... which carries a far stronger message that is both relevant and demonstrates that God does not forget us:

God Remembers?

So I like to think that God has wound the clock on for me personally. I'm back up on two feet again.

Thank you to those of you who have been concerned for me. It was appreciated.

Not In Vain...

I've not been my usual chipper self lately.

No, I haven't.

Scratch a little below the surface and you'll find a man who has somehow managed to get a little swallowed in weariness. You see, when things get a little bit quiet... it is very easy to become disheartened and think that maybe you've been cast aside... even spiritually speaking.

Sometimes... and I say this as much for the benefit of anyone reading this as myself, you have to weigh your feelings up against faith and fact... and what you already know of God through your relationship with him up to this point.

I'm not a super apostle. Every now and then my knees buckle like anyone else, however... I don't believe in holding this all inside. I feel it is important to record things like this... in order to help lift other people when they themselves become encumbered. I'm by no means the first person to think of this... the apostle Paul made a point of doing the same thing in his second letter to the Corinthians:

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

There is no shame in sharing your weaknesses if it in turn encourages others. It's not about airing your dirty laundry, it's about loving one another and building each other up so that each one can get just that little bit nearer to God when they feel that their face is down in the mud.

I need to make a record here of Sunday's preaching. I believe there was something in there designed to strengthen my bones. Naturally, being Easter Sunday, the passage was connected to the Resurrection... we found ourselves jumping around 1 Corinthians 15 a fair bit. However, it was this verse that personally pricked my ears up:

"Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labour in the Lord is not in vain."

1 Corinthians 15:58

And there my friends, we have it in a nutshell... I have been letting things move me... and downing tools because I feel I'm not up to the task ahead and why should God want me for it? He's probably written me off.

Self pitying fool.

I'm doing no better than the remnant who laid the foundations of the temple in Jerusalem and who at the first sign of things taking a turn for the worst,dropped the tools and went off to decorate their own homes first. God's calling me back to work on his temple, but shall I remain in the rubble of my own home?

While I write these words, iTunes has decided to play "The Healing" by James Newton Howard. Do you remember me talking about that a while back? It is from the film Lady in the Water. It is the point where one of the central characters - Cleveland Heap, is forced to confront the things that made him check out of his true calling in life. I can't help but think there's a deliberate irony there.

I'm plodding on though... I know what is right, I know the truth... I know God is good... but I've hit the valley floor here, as most of us do. Weary as I am, I endeavour to carry on bearing witness to my God... because it is true - our labour for the Lord is not in vain!

But I want to taste that Emmaus Spirit again... the precious moments of when God sets your heart on fire with the things he is saying. It is my hope and prayer that perhaps something written here will ignite you own spirits is some way.

Something else that was drawn out of the sermon on Sunday was that the second letter to the Corinthians was written sometime around 56-57 AD. It's a convincing blow to revisionists who claim that it was only later in the Church's history that the resurrection of Christ was held as a central belief and added to the Gospel theology. Yet here we have a passage of scripture written to an established church only a generation (20 odd years) away from the actual events recorded in the gospels:

"For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, and then to the Twelve. After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers and sisters at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep. Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles, and last of all he appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born."

1 Corinthians 14:3-8

Paul is underlining the resurrection of Christ as being of primary importance... but he didn't begin there. About five years prior to this he wrote these words to a church in Thessalonica:

"You became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you welcomed the message in the midst of severe suffering with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. And so you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia. The Lord's message rang out from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia—your faith in God has become known everywhere. Therefore we do not need to say anything about it, for they themselves report what happened when we visited you. They tell how you turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God, and to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead—Jesus, who rescues us from the coming wrath."

1 Thessalonians 1:6-10

Around the same time or possibly even as early as 48AD, he also wrote these words to struggling churches in the region of Galatia:

"Paul, an apostle—sent not with a human commission nor by human authority, but by Jesus Christ and God the Father, who raised him from the dead— and all the brothers and sisters with me, To the churches in Galatia: Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen."

Galatians 1:1-5

Now of course, there is so much more in both those books... but I merely highlighted those verses to underline the fact that as little as around 15 years from the events of the first Holy Week, there were people as far away as Asia Minor, who were adamant in their belief that Jesus Christ was raised from the dead.

In this age, it is easy to remain unmoved by that statement. We live in an age where news travels ridiculously fast...an event being recorded on one side of the globe can be simultaneously broadcast to the rest of us, thanks to the technology of geosynchronous orbiting satellites.

The apostles had no such technology to hand. They had their voices, their bodies... pen and parchment... but most importantly they had the Spirit of God. Empire wide there were an estimated 1 million Christians by the time the century was complete. True, that was only 0.6 of the population of the then known world... but considering the means at their disposal and the distance from events, I think 1 million is a remarkable number... and now as we move the ever further from 1st century Christianity, we find that around 2.1 billion people lay claim to the same belief in the risen Lord(though whether they truly believe is a matter for themselves and God).

It is all the more amazing when you think that so many people were willing to lay their life down for this idea. I don't think was a case of blind religious fervour or frenzied false martyrdom brought on by a hypnotised bunch of cultists. I believe this response came from genuine conviction. You see it's not just about the fact that Jesus rose from the dead... it is more importantly about what his death and resurrection meant.

I quoted Galatians earlier and Paul goes on to say in a later chapter that:

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

Galatians 5:1

Freedom has always been among the highest ideals to die for. Whether it is freedom from slavery, freedom of speech, freedom of religious expression, or freedom to live out a life as seen fit by the individual... people have always seen the concept of freedom as the most precious commodity.

But for Christians, it isn't just about freedom in this life. It is about freedom in eternity. Freedom to live in the fullness of God's love... forever. That's what Christ's death is about - the defeat of death and the demise of sin's power over us.

And to that end the early Church did not labour in vain...

... and neither do we.

If you want to taste freedom call on Christ tonight.

Just Like Us

I promised I'd talk about the BBC's new version of The Passion. If you haven't managed to catch episodes 1 and 2 yet, you should still be able to watch them on BBC's iPlayer if you are quick:

Episode 1

Episode 2

I really do like the way they've portrayed Jesus in this latest adaptation. They haven't kept strictly to the chronology of Christ's ministry (moving earlier teachings into Holy Week), but this is both understandable - filling in the gaps between the "big" events... and also not unbelievable - you can well imagine Jesus would reiterate major parables/messages to new audiences; modern speakers do much the same when they tour. Highlights for me are the way Jesus has interacted with people. I do believe - especially scenes such as the one where Jesus speaks to a prostitute, that they have stayed true to the essence of Jesus' character.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, the writers opted to focus on the humanity of Jesus.

I think this was the right choice.

The predominant image of Jesus in western culture, is that of the man with long wavy hair, doe eyes and a serene look on his face. Religious art has often made the mistake of focusing on Christ's divinity at the expense of his humanity. We see in our minds eye this airy fairy image of a man walking on clouds with a halo behind his head... and if we are not careful, it can lend more credence to fantasy than faith.

We have to remember that the strength of the Gospel message lies not just in the truth that Jesus is God... but in the fact that he is also human. One of the names attributed to Christ is Immanuel - God with us. The whole theology of our salvation is founded upon the basis that God was so determined not to be separated from us any more- and knowing that we could not in ourselves do anything to change this, he decided to become one of us. He experienced the joys, the pains, the sorrows, the anger... all those emotions that can be summed up as the human experience. He lost friends and relatives to sickness, death and disagreement... just like us. He loved being around his friends... just like us. He got excited when people understood something that was important to him... just like us. He knew what it was like to be popular, he knew what it was like to be lonely... just like us.

Personally, I don't believe any man comes as close to Jesus in fulfilling the ideals of what makes a man, in Rudyard Kipling's poem, If.

In his ministry, Jesus often referred himself as "the Son of Man". It's a title that occurs frequently in Biblical prophecy. However it also seems to me that whenever Jesus uses the term in respect of himself, he is trying to reaffirm his link to us as humans. The Bible teaches us that Jesus (knowing he was already God), didn't make a big deal about pushing his divinity:

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:5-11

Jesus lived as a man not only to sacrifice himself for our sins... but also to teach us how to aspire to live a life that pleases God. We need to remember that Jesus died that we may have life and have it in all it's abundance. We need to remember that abundant life actually comes from obeying the God who loves us. I know for many of you reading this, that a life of obedience may seem slavish... but in truth a life outside of God only carries a deceptive freedom -it still compels us to slavishly obey something or other less worthy than what we were designed for. The book of Galatians teaches us that it is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Jesus died so that we would have the freedom to reject sin's control of us.

The deal doesn't end there either. We might say that a life like that is too hard... we are bound to fail. But you see that is exactly another reason why Jesus emphasised his humanity:

"For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."

Hebrews 2:17-18

You see, in sharing our humanity... Jesus isn't just sympathetic to our struggles, he is empathetic. He understands our trials and tribulations... and he is prepared to support and stand by us right through them.

The question is... are we prepared to do the same for him?

Selwyn to the Rescue! (again)

I've always been astounded at how well my bible notes seem to fit in with where I am on my walk with Christ... particularly when I hit a rough patch. I've been using Every Day With Jesus as a study aid for the past 10 years or so and I am constantly finding myself challenged, encouraged or simply met where I am... through reading the set passage and the accompanying text. The words often seem directly targeted specifically to me, which I find extraordinary... skeptics would say it's just coincidence but I do not believe so - frequency alone disputes that. What is all the more amazing is that the author - Selwyn Hughes, is no longer with us. He passed away two years ago - a faithful servant who is finally receiving his reward in the company of God.

I want to share the latest way in which God has used this man's writing to positively shape me as a person:

In my last post I was feeling quite isolated, I was being painfully reminded that frequently my relationships with other Christians seem pretty one sided. Some friends who I felt should be checking up on me weren't and others had distanced themselves when I sought their company/comfort/advice. As a consequence of this I was tempted... I had a picture in my minds eye of "crossing the road". I almost felt ready to walk in my faith towards God on the other side, away from others - same direction... but without having to put up with people who just want me around for their own benefit. This I realise would have been the wrong course of action... but not being in a rational mindset, it didn't stop me feeling the way I did. I also felt like I'd been blindsided and taken a lot of flak.

Then I caught up with my bible notes and they had this to say:

The spiritual journey is not one that we are meant to walk alone. God intends us to travel in the company of other people. For some this is a wonderful arrangement; for others it is not so wonderful. People can be helpful or they can be hurtful; they can bless us or they can blister us. Over the years I have met many people who have been hurt by other Christians. Sadly, in recent years we have frequently heard the term "friendly fire". Have you ever been hit by a form of "friendly fire"? It is the flak we take from our own side. It is the misguided missile that lands right in our own hearts. People have admitted to me that they have been hurt more by the church than they ever have been by the world. As we have seen from the psalm we have read today (Psalm 41:1-13), King David knew this pain, and Jesus quoted this verse when he said, "He who shares my bread has lifted his heel against me" (John 13:18). The question we must start to think about is how do we deal with relationships, because the way we deal with difficult relationships will determine whether we advance or retreat on the journey of life. Some people live by the words of Ernest Hemingway, who said, "We have to distrust each other; it is our only defence against betrayal." God does not call us to live in distrust, but to live by faith in Jesus Christ. we are disciples of the One who knows what it is to be betrayed. And through his grace we can be victors not victims.

That my friends... was a timely word.

It reminded me of a story I once heard about a man who had stopped going to church. His concerned vicar visited him a few weeks later and asked if everything was OK. The man responded that he was fine, he had a relationship with Jesus... but he didn't feel he needed the Church. The vicar said nothing. Now it was a cold winter's night and they were sat in front of a roaring open coal fire. The vicar reached for the tongs and plucked a burning coal from the fire... placing it on the hearth. Very soon, the coal grew dim and went out. A week later the man was back in church.

Now I wasn't planning on going AWOL from Church, but I was considering distancing myself from some people whose friendship had felt unbalanced and pretty unrequited. I soon took the hint though. Especially when in yesterday's notes, Selwyn made reference to the writings of D. Broughton Knox who believed that the members of the Trinity focus on one another and the Church rather than their own identity within the Trinity... and that as Christians this is how we too should operate.

It made me realise that while I can't do anything about how other Christians choose to behave towards me, I shouldn't be giving myself reasons to "shut up shop" around them. I'm needed even if I'm not always wanted.

It's strange... but since reading that and having a couple of conversations, since rejecting the current temptation of isolationism, things have begun to calm down. It is not the first time I have been tempted in this way and I am convinced it certainly won't be the last. It seems very important to the Enemy to keep me at arms length from God's people... these things happen so intensely it makes me wonder if it is important to God in terms of my calling... perhaps a conversation for another time.

I have to say how grateful I am to the ministry of Selwyn Hughes. I never met him in this life... but I'll be sure to thank him for his service to God in the next!

Bad Questions

I've been pondering.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you knew if you asked a question, you would get an answer that would irritate/upset you... and stick in your craw? In fact you would know the very answer that would come back to you. Going on from that have you found yourself being inexorably drawn into asking that very question regardless anyway?

I've done this very thing recently. Why do you suppose we do it? I can't believe I'm the only person who would do it... or is it just me after all?

I think it's a combination of things that leads us to act in this manner. Firstly I think we want to be proven wrong... we ask the question knowing full well what we expect the answer to be and we want to be surprised and not disappointed. Perversely our flawed human nature also wants us to be proven right and provokes us to ask the question just so our subconscious can say:

"Well? What did you expect?!"

I think the worst thing is that I don't necessarily disagree with the answer given... I just find it extremely hard to believe that same answer is something that is applicable to myself - no matter how hard I wish it were so... in fact given the way I am as a person... I think I actually need it to be so.

You see I kind of feel back in that place where every other Christian on planet Earth seems to get everything given to them on a silver platter... and I'm just the neglected butler in an "Upstairs Downstairs" Christian world.

I know that isn't what is going on... it just seems that way - I do appreciate that everybody gets their fair share of trouble.

Part of what reinforces that false idea I have, is the attitude of many who seem to see me as subordinate to them and only talk to me when they want something... very rarely do they contact me as a person. I think this is why the Martin Luther King quote I spoke of yesterday has remained in my mind so solidly. I'm not so much bothered by the things in life that beset me... I am far more bothered by some friends apparent indifference. They perceive me purely as an asset.

I'm not.

I'm a living human being with a heart that beats just as firmly as theirs... sometimes more so.

I'm also an equal partner in the kingdom and I'm not a "newbie". I don't appreciate it when people talk down to me or lecture me. I am fed up with "one upmanship". We are supposed to be building one another up as a body... not competing and jostling for position like the pharisees did when they tried to trap Jesus with "superior" theology.

This is the first time in a good while I've felt able to get this off my chest. Until now I'd kept a lot of this fairly private... but I want to wrestle with this openly now. Sometimes you just have to come about and tack into the wind and face down what is coming at you...

... and I'm through running.

Where are you?

In my last post, whilst reviewing Lady in the Water, I spoke of what I considered to be the saddest question in the Bible:

"Where are you"?

It comes from Genesis 3, picture the scene if you will:

Mankind has just fallen... but doesn't know it yet. Adam and Eve have gained the knowledge of good and evil... but have done so at a terrible price - they have severed the relationship between themselves and God through disobedience. God enters the Garden and calls out to his beloved friend - his precious ones... and they are nowhere to be found. Eventually he finds them cowering in a hedge and they are cast out of Eden.

Now God is omniscient and he knows exactly where Adam and Eve are hiding (I bet he isn't much fun at hide and seek, Ackey 123, or sardines), therefore the question is not a geographical one.

So why does he ask it?

I believe he asked it because he was challenging Adam and Eve to be honest about what they had done. However, I believe the question carries a deeper significance and meaning that resonates down through the ages even to us today. Lean in real close and you might here a whisper in the wind or a murmur in the darkness...

"Where are you?"

God still calls out to every one of us... desiring to know where we are.

So... where are you?

Maybe you came here on a random Google search looking for an answer to some other question... and if so, I hope you found it... but I hold a deeper hope that whilst here you take/took the time to try and answer to where you were?

Are you hiding in the brambles? (ouch!)

You may believe that your life is wonderful and you have no need for God... and if that is you, then good luck to you - though I do hope you will reconsider that position.

However, you may believe that your life is a mess... that you have little to offer people or God and that the walls are closing in on your life... and all hope is lost. If that is you, I'd like you to consider inviting Jesus into your life. On the other hand you might actually be a Christian but find yourself stricken by adversity, struggles or the storms of life around you. If either of those are you... I want to reassure you of God's love for you through a few passages. Jesus applied these words to himself with regards to his mission:

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour."

Luke 4:18-19

Jesus' mission... is YOU.

"Then Jesus told them this parable: "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn't he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbours together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."

Luke 15:3-7

"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost."

Luke 19:10

I put it to you therefore, that Jesus Christ... is God's response to his own question. Not content with asking where we are spiritually... he sent his Son to find us and save us... even at the cost of his life. What then, shall we do in response to this?

Finally I want leave you with a song that has touched my heart recently. I do not believe it is a "Christian" song... but it certainly speaks to me of God's love and I hope that it speaks something to you of the insurmountable love God has for every one of us... especially you:

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with them, and they with me."

Revelation 3:20