The Hammer on the Horizon

No your eyes do not deceive you, yes I really am writing a post after so long. Where have I been for so long? A question for another time I think.

The reason I am writing this latest post is with regard to the coming election. When I consider all the probabilities and potential outcomes, and the current fractious and fragmented state of the electorate... I have deep concerns. Who do I think will win? Well, in some ways I don't think it will matter.

"What?" You cry. "How can you say something as important as this won't matter?"

Let me try and put some flesh on the bones I am dangling in front of you with that odd statement.  There are two instances in the Old Testament that have been on my heart of late.  The first is from the prophet Jeremiah.  Jeremiah's calling was a hard one.  He was born into a time when the people of Judah were spiritually and morally going astray... and yet, the same people buoyed by recent blessings received under a prior godly king, believed they were on the cusp of a revival. Those appointed as prophets engaged in backslapping and proclaimed how in the dreams that they had experienced, everything was going to be rosy.

But God - the only person who mattered, saw things *very* differently. And into the midst of this mutual appreciation society, he sent Jeremiah... to stand against them and say that far from a revival, a hammer was coming to the nation of Judah...a hammer that when it fell, would bring ruin and exile.

In the final analysis, it was Jeremiah who was proved right and his opponents who were revealed for who and what they are.

The second instance in the Bible that came to mind, was an incident in the reign of King David. David - the man after God's own heart, had an uncustomary blip in his confidence and decided to tot up the number of fighting men in the land -he took his trust away from God and placed it in mortal strength.  Pretty soon after this, his conscience nagged at him and he sought to make amends... in doing so, he received God's discipline:

Before David got up the next morning, the word of the Lord had come to Gad the prophet, David’s seer. ‘Go and tell David, “This is what the Lord says: I am giving you three options. Choose one of them for me to carry out against you.”’
So Gad went to David and said to him, ‘Shall there come on you three years of famine in your land? Or three months of fleeing from your enemies while they pursue you? Or three days of plague in your land? Now then, think it over and decide how I should answer the one who sent me.’

2 Samuel 24:11-13 (NIVUK)

The reason these two moments resonate so deeply with me at the moment is because I feel that Britain is in a similar position. We have false prophets on the hard left and hard right, who promise great things if we but follow and endorse them... and yet they remain wilfully oblivious to the great harm their respective trajectories hold in store for us. Yet we have vast swathes of the country who are ready to sign up wholesale to them... just because of vague unrealistic empty promises and falsehoods.

And this is why I feel it "doesn't matter". Of course what happens to the country matters... but if something is rotten at the core of our society, then that has to be dealt with first. We became proud and arrogant as a whole... but a hammer came and broke the whole... yet the arrogance and pride remain - in opposing factions. They still need dealing with... and that requires humility.



Fortunately for David, he was equipped with that quality. His response was as follows:

David said to Gad, ‘I am in deep distress. Let us fall into the hands of the Lord, for his mercy is great; but do not let me fall into human hands.’

2 Samuel 24:14 (NIVUK)

Though he feared for his own well-being, he decided to let God determine his fate. God subjects David to the briefest of the punishments, but many people die. God even relents when plague reaches the borders of Jerusalem. Shortly after this, David finally accepts the need to make amends falls solely with him, because the burden of his mistake is his alone.

And are we not in a similar situation. The three outcomes - Tory majority, hung Parliament and Labour majority. Each have a heavy price to pay if they come to pass.

Yet we as a nation don't have the humility to prostrate ourselves before God and admit how our pride has harmed us internally, and now that we are at loggerheads... cuts us openly too.

There is a crumb of comfort in this though.  Should we accept what we have done to ourselves, our nation and one another and seek God's help... the seeds of true renewal and revival can be sown.

God instructed David to buy some land in Jerusalem, build an altar there and make a sacrifice of repentance. It ended the crisis... but more than this, that altar became a deposit for something greater.

It was on that very spot that the great Temple that represented God's presence among his people, was eventually built.

My hope and prayer is that if we turn our eyes away from our own arrogant ambitions for the country, and acknowledge our collective need for God again, that when the mess that is coming our way subsides, something unimaginably far greater will grow and stand in its place.

Whichever way you vote on Thursday, do keep in mind the need to tend this nation's deeper wounds... the ones that can only be healed by God.

The Inconvenience of Truth

I've been giving a lot of thought lately to the subject of truth, hard truth and nothing but the potent driving force of truth.

A few of my friends are going through personal struggles at the moment, struggles which I am acutely aware revolve around them needing to face something about themselves that they are uncomfortable with.

Much as we may admire the validity of truth, even it's necessity... equally we find we are uncomfortable with the concept.

Truth by it's very nature leaves us naked and cold, beneath the gaze of the watching world. In the book of Genesis, it's the realisation of literal nakedness, that drives man to first hide from God...

... and he's been running like a madman ever since.

I have some friends I used to know at church. They went to university and never came back. However, when I or other people from our shared background try to add them as friends to something as trivial as Facebook, they universally ignore us. I truly believe they are so afraid that we will hit them with the belief mallet, that they run a mile.

I find that sad.

I've always tried to accept people where they in their lives... even if their path leads them somewhere I am not comfortable with. It's their choice, their life... and they must do as they see fit.

I truly believe that such people are afraid... not so much of the people they used to know, but more about the fact that in revisiting the past, they have to ask hard questions about where they are now.Faced with that decision, it's sometimes easy to see why people prefer to hide in the dark... underneath the duvet.

And on a much more serious note...

For those of you who are not aware, today is Holocaust Memorial Day... it is a day when the need for truth is great. We live in an age where evil men, men who in an attempt to justify their vile politics and beliefs, seek to deny or cover up the deeds of their political ancestors. "The Holocaust didn't happen!" is their battle cry... or often they are more subtle and merely try to play down the figures...

... but how can you play down astronomical figures that reach well into the millions?

Think about that for a second and don't look at it as if it's merely another number... millions!

That's all your family... gone.

All your friends... gone.

All your neighbours... gone.

The simple truth is that too many people were cruelly snatched away from this life for it to be so casually dismissed as it is by some. Heck - even if it were just one person, that would be one person too much... nobody deserves to live and eventually die like that... nobody.

People who committed such atrocities and those who seek to deny them, adopt such a position because deep down they know how so very wrong their dark ideologies are. They have to harden their hearts and blind themselves to it... because that is the only way they can justify themselves.

Jesus once commented on the human habit of hiding from the truth:

"This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

John 3:19-21

Some of that is a bit heavy... and some of it seems nonsensical. Are all men wilfully evil, are we to be lumped in with those who approve of genocide? Well no, Jesus isn't saying we all go round looking for innocent children to butcher, he's saying that we are all corrupted by our human nature, broken by it... and under it's and influence. It's our sinfulness that wants to hide... you've all heard of the mythical "11th" commandment- don't get caught out. Make no mistake. though.. whether our sins are as despicable as genocide or typically menial (as most people's probably are by comparison); the final fate of a life spent outside of the grace of God, is the same... death.

We must all face the truth... we must all face up to what we have done. However... there is hope.

Facing the truth is not so much about facing up to what you have done. Truth is about facing him.

Real truth is a person:

Jesus said "I am the way and the truth and the life".

He also said that if we followed him (in his strength), that we would know the truth and the truth would set us free.

Knowing Jesus is freedom.

But what of truly evil men who repent? You know... the ones who turn to God after a life of despicable acts? What does Jesus mean when he says that it may be plainly seen that what these people have done has been done through God? Does he mean that all the evil that men do, is fuelled by God?

No.

What he means, is that when these people turn around from their wickedness and turn away from their vile acts, it is God who enabled them to do it.

All that is required on our part, is that we turn to Jesus and look at him. If we constantly look at what we have done, we get dragged down into the miry clay. If we fix our gaze on him, his love compels us to rise out of the pit. We have to let him look at the depths of our heart... and understand that no matter what we have done, we are not beyond salvation. The only thing that will not be forgiven is our unwillingness to be forgiven... our stubborn refusal to accept his grace.

In the Babylon 5 episode, The Very Long Night of Londo Mollari, the titular character has a near fatal heart attack and whilst unconscious goes through an arduous epiphany. He stubbornly refuses to face what he's done to the character of G'Kar, only two words are required of him. Two genuine, heartfelt words that will set him free from his perilous condition...

"I'm sorry"

That is merely a picture... but it is the same. All we need to do in order to be saved, is take the courage to look at Jesus - let him know how genuinely sorry we are for our broken ways, and he will transform us with his love.

There's an old worship song that comes to mind... and I think I'll part with it's words for now, leaving it as a meditation for you to contemplate.... whoever you are and whatever you've done:

God of grace, I turn my face
To You, I cannot hide
My nakedness, my shame, my guilt
Are all before Your eyes

Strivings and all anguished dreams
In rags lie at my feet
And only grace provides the way
For me to stand complete

And Your grace clothes me in righteousness
And Your mercy covers me in love
Your life adorns and beautifies
I stand complete in You

© 1990 Sovereign Lifestyle Music

A Time To Be Meek And A Time To Be Bold

I read a very interesting story about Alexander the Great in my Bible notes the other day.

Apparently Alexander prided himself on allowing his subjects to visit him and make requests. On one such occasion, a pauper came to him to make a request... nothing unusual in that. However this man didn't just hold his hand out for alms, he stepped forward with a shopping list that included farmland, a dowry for his daughter and a scholarly education for is son. The court waited nervously... surely this man would be executed... or at the very least, thrown in jail for showing such impertinence.

However, that is not what happened. According to the tale, Alexander acceded to every wish. After the beggar jubilantly left the palace, Alexander's servants began to express their shock at what had transpired. When asked why he had acted as he did, Alexander shrugged it off by saying "I get weary of these people who come to see me in their shoals asking for a gold piece. That man treated me like a king. He asked big!"

We can come to God in much the same way... but hold on... didn't Jesus say something quite different? He once told a parable:

"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

Luke 8:10-14

I don't think these stories are contradictory... even though one is biblical and the other is not.

You see... Alexander's beggar wasn't exalting himself; he was recognising the exalted nature of his king.

The crucial thing to remember whenever we pray, is that we should be centring our thoughts and petitions on God... and not ourselves. When we approach God knowing our need of forgiveness, we must not become obsessed with our failings to the point that we refuse to receive God's mercy. The tax collector knew how bad he was... but he also knew the only person who could change that situation was God... so that is who his prayer focused on.

You see in his own way, the tax collector was very bold. He knew his failings, he knew the penalty of his failings.... yet he went before God anyway. He didn't wallow in self pity (for this in the end just leads to a never ending cycle of repeating the same mistakes - take that from someone writing, who has had experience in such things).

Unlike Alexander's beggar, the tax collector didn't seem to expect anything... he just hoped God would hear him and grant mercy.

Maybe you are reading this and you feel you are in the same position. How can God forgive you for what you have done? Do you prefer to hide it all away and just take it for granted that you are doomed?

There is hope.

God sees the genuine nature within our hearts. If we sincerely regret what we have done, we can have confidence that he will forgive us.

We must be meek enough to realise what we have done is wrong... and bold enough not to withhold ourselves from God... we must have the courage to come forward and ask forgiveness. It needn't be in front of an altar...you can do it just as well in the privacy of your bedroom.

And when we come to God with petitions... if he is at the centre of our requests, we can have confidence in his power to provide. We forget too easily that God is the ultimate resource. We prefer instead to struggle on in our own vain strength.

Yet as Paul prayed when writing to the Church at Ephesus... God is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or even imagine.

Jesus himself told his disciples that God responds to shameless audacity (as long as it is not selfish), that he longs to give us good things, and yet like the prodigal son we squirm around in the mud looking for pig slop.... when if we only lifted our eyes... there lies a banquet for us.

God did not put a Spirit of timidity within us. I am utterly convinced that big things are coming in this generation... but we need to wise up, we need to wake up. We need to be prepared to ask for God's empowerment if we we truly want to be a part of hi wondrous plan.

We need to get real. We need to stop being selfish and doing things in our own strength... we need to remember who we work for and that we can ask boldly for his power to be at work in us.

Lets conclude with the words of John Wesley, from his hymn And Can It Be That I Should Gain? In the final verse:

No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him, is mine;
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach the eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
Bold I approach the eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.

Thoughts on LOST: The Constant

I haven't written about LOST for a very long time... come to think of it, for that matter it's been a fair few days since I wrote anything at all. Well, I'm back now.

I appreciate I'm a few days late, but I'm a mere mortal and don't have Sky... so I have to wait until a work colleague loans me a tape - thanks Becky!

I think "The Constant" has to rank among one of my favourite LOST episodes... yes it features some cerebrally heavy plot twists involving the consciousness of a character travelling through time, but it was a strong character episode. Specifically it was a strong Desmond episode... and Desmond is among my favourite characters. In fact I'd say that for me, he's taken the number 1 spot from Locke.

In the episode, Desmond leaves the island to try and get some answers about his long lost love Penny Widmore. He's been trapped on the island for three years and they parted on harsh terms. When a woman named Naomi arrived bearing a photo of him and Penny in each others arms... it aroused his curiosity... and he finally gets the chance to visit the boat that Naomi came from.

Unfortunately Desmond starts suffering from strange side effects as the helicopter he is travelling on, leaves the island. Desmond had already gained precognitive ability following exposure to a strong electromagnetic pulse (his consciousness is able to travel along his personal timeline). However as he leaves the island it becomes violently unstable and his consciousness from 1996 becomes trapped in his present day body... resulting in much confusion for everyone present. It becomes apparent that he has become unstuck in time. The 1996 Desmond will keep appearing in his present body and the episodes will become more violent... leading eventually to death... unless he can find some way to stabilize the effects.

He arrives at the answer through talking to another man named Daniel Faraday... who is present in both the present and the past. He advises Desmond that he needs a "constant"; something or someone who is present in his past and his present, who can anchor him into his proper place in time before he suffers from a fatal embolism.

Desmond realises that for him, this constant is Penny.... and whilst travelling back into the past, he engineers a plan to contact her before he dies in the present day. Despite her feeling quite hurt towards him in 1996, he manages to obtain her telephone number and promises to call her on the exact day in the future that is contemporary with the Desmond we know. In doing this, he hopes that he can be restored to his respective place in time.

Here is what happens next:

Confession time:

I very nearly wept at the end of that. There was so much emotion in there I was very nearly overwhelmed...the acting was excellent and the fast inter-cutting between Des and Penny really enhanced the moment.

Wow. It really grabbed me by the heart strings and touched me where I'm vulnerable...

... did I really just say that? I'm turning into a Jessie!

It also got me thinking on a much deeper level. It is so easy for us to get lost in the world. Lost and consumed by the things around us.... people, events and concerns. What happens when we wake up and realise we don't know who or where we are anymore?

How will we get home? How do we reconnect with who we truly are?

Just like Desmond, we need a constant.

We need someone who can stand beside us, someone who has always been there for us in the past... is with us right now and will always be with us in the future.

For me there is no greater example than Jesus Christ. He is the very paragon of this notion. Who else knows us as deeply as God? King David famously wrote in Psalm 139:

"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD."

Psalm 139:1-4

and

"your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:16

We may think we are lost and forlorn... but God has not forgotten us. He is but a word away... not even the cost of a phone call. He longs to hear from us. He sent his Son to pay for all our wrongs... and he is deeply desperate for us to return into his loving arms. You may recall from Sunday School, the tale of the Prodigal Son. In that story, the son who is lost comes to his senses and decides to return home. Now the way God is often misrepresented in the modern world,you might expect the Father (the character who represents him), to be standing there with a big stick ready to punish his wayward son.

Is that the response we find?

No. The Bible says this:

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him."

God was already on the lookout for his son; he embraced him despite his filth covered appearance. He accepted him and he restored him.

Similarly in Lost, Desmond could have quite easily been expecting the cold shoulder from Penny when he called her.... but er love had remained constant... despite how much he had hurt her.

The wonderful thing about unconditional love, is that it encourages a loving response. I love it in the clip how as soon as Penny has spoken affectionately,Desmond genuinely apologises for his past misdemeanours.

My challenge to you today is this. God is reaching out to you in love. He has already expressed his deep passion for you:

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 5:6-8

My challenge to you today is simple. Imagine you are like Desmond... holding the phone waiting to talk to Penny... but on the other end of the line is God. If you know somewhere deep in your heart that God is speaking to you of his love (in fact he has already acted upon his love, through Jesus), what is your response going to be as he hangs on the line waiting for you?

The Focus of Repentance

"Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge."

Psalm 51:4

The above words are taken from a famous biblical psalm that was written by King David after he was convicted by God with regard to his sin. Whilst I was at home group on Wednesday studying Ephesians 4, we were discussing repentance... and I was reminded of a truth about it, which I feel I should share.

Too often we focus on the things we have done wrong... we wallow in them and make it all about us. In a perverse way... is it possible that sometimes our "repentance" can be self centred?

Think about when you have let one of your friends and family down, or hurt or disappointed someone who is very important to you. At such times, which was more important to you? Making up for your actions... or restoring your relationship with the affected person?

I want to take you back to my blog of September 9th. During that time, I experienced a strong convicting sensation that I had let God down. It was knowing how much I had hurt God that enabled me to change a few things round for the better. I believe this is because neither myself, nor my previous actions were the focus in my repentance. I believe that God was.

This is therefore my encouragement to you. When you have been convicted of doing wrong, be mindful of your actions and repent of them... but do not concentrate on them. Concentrate your thoughts instead on the One you love... on God himself.

Being a Christian is not a matter of worshipping a distant, vague being... it's about engaging passionately in a relationship with God, through the saving power of Jesus. King David - who I quoted at the beginning, was described as a man after God's own heart. He didn't just follow a set of rules and regulations, or offer sacrifices and rituals to ease his conscience. He pursued a genuine relationship with God - whose thoughts and feelings really mattered to him... even when he could not understand them... or when they conflicted with his own actions and desires. When you read David's compositions in the Psalms, you see a man who is being brutally honest about himself and open with God. We need to be the same.

If you genuinely want to turn away from your sins, then you should invest in developing your relationship with God... because it his strength that enables us to walk in the paths of righteousness.

Maybe that sounds a little heavy... so here is a clip from The Empire Strikes Back, that I'll use to illustrate my point :

In the above clip, Luke fails to use the force to lift his spacecraft out of a swamp... he sees it in terms of it's size and his own ability. Yoda instead, simply focuses on the true source of strength inside and summons the ship out of the murky waters and onto dry land. Now I'm not suggesting for a minute that God is merely a "force". He is a real person. What I'm trying to illustrate, is that as Christians, if we look to ourselves too much... we aren't going to be tapping into God's infinite riches. It is God who takes away our sin and it is God who equips us with power from on high, to be able to perform mighty deeds in his service. Like Luke we need to stop trying and start believing.... and be God centred, not self centred... even and especially when know we have done wrong. If we continually look at how we have failed, instead of looking to Jesus Christ who gives us the victory over our sins... then we will continue to stumble.

My prayer is that God will enable every one of you to walk upright in his grace.

Regrets... I've had a few.

I was reading Alistair's blog on being a time travelling vicar last night, and it prompted me to think of my own past... and a few of the things I might have done differently. Lets just think for a minute or two:

If only I had my own TARDIS, I could travel back 70 1975 and warn my mother to keep her 1 year old son away from boiling teapots. If that had happened I might not have been scalded. I could materialize in 1986 and tell an insecure teen aged Nick on his first day at secondary school, not to worry about getting too close with people, that it is OK to let people love you... and not to manipulate them into merely liking you as a eccentric fool.

I could appear back in 1994 and tell myself not to worry about college fees or loneliness and go off to university to study journalism or film editing. I could even have travelled back to 1996 and make it absolutely crystal clear to myself that not all that glitters is gold and that I should be a little more astute in choosing my romantic liaisons.

If you look at these historical hiccups, you can see that they are all interconnected... each one stems from it's chronological predecessor. If I could alter the past they'd never happen and it'd all be different.

The simple truth is though that the past happened and I can't change it. Even if I could... I might end up in a much darker world than I could possibly imagine. I'd be a different person. It is an idea that has been explored many times in popular science fiction: Star Trek, Babylon 5, The Final countdown, Transformers, The Butterfly Effect, Donnie Darko, Frequency and of course Doctor Who... to name but a few.

You often hear an expression in saccharine dramas and soap operas when a person is on their death bed - "I have no regrets". Is that really the case though? I know I certainly regret a couple of things I have done wrong, some of the opportunities I have let slip out of my grasp. I do regret them.. is that so bad?

I don't believe it is.

You see if we didn't regret the things we have done wrong, how could we repent of them? How could we pick ourselves up out of the dirt and pledge to redouble our efforts never to make the same mistake again? If we didn't regret missing past opportunities... where would we get the determination not to feel the same way the next time an opportunity arises?

The worst part of a crime is not when we fall off our horse, it is when we decide to stay sat in the puddle afterwards. I believe it is OK to have a few regrets in life... just so long as your regrets do not have you. When your past overshadows you, it rules your future.

As a Christian I believe that my God is Lord of the past, present and future:

"I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more."

- Isaiah 43:25

"There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off."

- Proverbs 23:18

""For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.""

- Jeremiah 29:11

"Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under his wings. Day and night they never stop saying: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.""

- Revelation 4:8

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

- Hebrews 13:8

So whilst I have a past... a past with its own fair share of mistakes, successes and the mundane, I have a greater belief that there is one who sets me free from any chains that may be found in my yesterdays... and the hope and faith that he is able to inspire me to a better tomorrow.

I don't wish to be hypocritical and so I'll be up front and honest with you. I struggle with stepping forwards, if I'm candid I have to say that I'm very timid when it comes to bold hopes. I am my own worst enemy. Take women for example.... I am as much terrified by the prospect of being accepted by a woman who genuinely loves me... as i am of being alone. So I make the mistake of embracing the familiar.

That is an attitude that I urge you not to emulate in any area of your life.

If you have a past that you feel you need to come to terms with, maybe you might considering seeking God on this. Be reconciled with your history.

Maybe while you are doing it, you could remember me... and ask God to plant a firm kick on my backside whilst you are at it.

Debtwatch 7: Tetelestai!

Yes, I know... a bit of a random subtitle.

I wanted to put something similar to the last post's title... but I didn't want to confuse two completely separate issues.

Fortunately in my bible notes the other day, I came across the word the Greeks use to describe that same phrase Jesus spoke... Tetelestai.

In ancient times this phrase was used to declare that an account had been paid in full. It was customary after a debt had been paid, for the debtor to present their bill to the creditor who would then write across it "Tetelestai."

Paid in full.

Apparently the tense used in the Gospel would render it something like "it has been and will for ever remain finished."

So in a small way, my worldly debts have now joined my eternal debts in being forever paid off by Christ.

Its been an interesting and surprisingly brief journey. I have worked hard and by God's grace alone have been faithful in seeing this through. To think that it all started with the destruction of a Vauxhall Astra back in July... when up until that point I had been dragging my feet and staring at the ground in a spirit of defeatism, astounds me.

I don't just consider the financial aspect of this debt removed... everything that caused me to be in that position in the first place is gone... forever. Anything I do now does not carry with it the millstone of consequence.

It is a new dawn, a new day... maybe even a new age.

The past is nothing more than prologue and no longer casts shadows on my path. I walk free. Once more I have freedom of choice. What I do with that choice is now an open book. Having made stupid mistakes in the past, I don't intend to walk again down the path of self destruction again. In a sense this should also be our attitude to God's saving grace. Having known the damage our sin caused us... and having known the price Christ paid for it... we should not casually stroll down the path of our mistakes ever again. We may stray onto the path from time to time... but if our faith means anything at all... we shouldn't deliberately mistreat Christ's total repayment of our crippling and destructive eternal debt.

Balance left on debt: £0.00
Cash in short term savings reserves: £100.00
Cash left in current account that I hope to spare for debt repayment: N/A
Estimated balance for next Debtwatch report: N/A
Original Finish Date for completion of Payments - October 2007
Estimated Completion of Payments - "TETELESTAI!"

I just want to conclude these meditations on my finances by reaffirming my absolute conviction that, just as God helped me to clear my physical debt; he also has the ability to wipe out the debt of your sin... forever... permanently.

In fact he has already done it, by paying for it all in full on the cross. All you need to do is accept and believe it.... and a new day, a new life shall begin.

Are you ready to do that?

The Inner Dark

Amongst the films I am most looking forward to this year, one of the firm favourites has got to be Spider-Man 3.

I'm looking forward to it because it is going to cover the "black suit/Venom" storyline. Essentially the story of Venom has always been to me, a tale about recognising and fighting your own dark side. We all have a dark side, something deep within that urges us to do selfish things that hurt or neglect others. I don't know what you choose to call it, but I call it sin. I wonder if anyone reading these words, is concerned over attitudes they see in themselves that they know are wrong... but feel helpless to deal with?

This particular Spider-Man storyline serves as an excellent parable of how the sinful nature infects us and affects our lives and the lives of others. In the story, Spider-Man comes into contact with an alien symbiont that bonds with him and boosts his powers. However, what Peter Parker does not realise is that this being that he has made a Faustian bargain with, eats away at his soul... making him more aggressive and dangerous and isolating him emotionally from those he loves most of all.

As a Christian, I believe that sin entered the world... and our lives in much the same way:

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. - Genesis 3:6-7

Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate." - Genesis 3:13

and:

But each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created - James 1:14-18

The Bible also teaches us that sin crouches at our door and desires to have us... but we must master it. Peter Parker, upon realising what this alien creature is transforming him into, is also faced with this daunting challenge. Either to reject the darkness, or be consumed by it.

In the comics and film, the symbiont is vulnerable to intense sound. Our sinful "symbiont" is vulnerable to one sound... the voice of the God who calls out to us in love.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:16-17

We have to choose to accept that voice, to accept the offer of grace and forgiveness that comes through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, if we wish to remove our inner demon's from the throne of our hearts.

The central theme of Spider-Man is that "with great power, must come great responsibility". We have been given the most precious power of all... free will. You can choose to embrace your inner darkness, explore the apparent freedoms it gives you... or you can choose to recognise that darkness for what it is, repent of it and ask God to get rid of it.

Of course Spider-Man's choice to reject the symbiont isn't the end of the story... and it isn't for us either. You see, once you cast out the darkness from your heart... it doesn't like being rejected... and will always try to get back in through any chink in our armour - any upset, any character flaw.

We have to learn to grow closer to Jesus and take on his character if we are to effectively combat sin, for the Bible says of Jesus:

For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted. - Hebrews 2:17-18

Go and watch Spider-Man 3, it will probably be a cracking film... but if anything I have said here has made you recognise something about yourself that needs sorting out, I implore you to address it. If you know you need to get right with God, pray with somebody you trust. If that door doesn't appear open to you.... then I am always here and what is said to me, will remain confidential and sacrosanct.

Laying Down an Old Burden

"It is the old wound king, my king. It has never healed" - Lancelot ("Excalibur", 1981)

I have carried something inside me for a long time, and recently I've been having dreams that have taken me back into my past... back to the very heart of the matter. I feel this is a prompt to talk about the subject and get it off my chest.

In all of Creation, there is one type of man that I cannot abide:

"They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires." 2 Timothy 3:6

I have never openly admitted why this such a bugbear with me... now I shall. I've held this in for some time because despite the wrong done to me, I value honour above many things... and I won't drag someone through the dirt on account of what they have said or done to me. That is why no names will be named... and only the people who really know me will understand.

I once dated someone - they were no good for me... I know that now. I tarried longer than I should because I felt I could be a force for good... they had seemingly lost faith in God, after a while into our relationship... as it was on "my watch" I felt a degree of responsibility - fool that I was. Every so often, the wiser part of me... the part that wanted out, would get fed up and a row would ensue. I'd go away and cool off and I'd eventually come round full circle.

There was this bus driver...

He befriended her. I was a little suspicious, but I told myself that I was allowing petty jealousy to get the better of me, so I put it to the back of my mind. That was until one day when we had a really big row. I disappeared for about a week. It was during that week that it happened (several times). He saw his opportunity and took it in both hands. I think you know what I'm talking about... it doesn't need saying.

The biggest mistake I ever made, was not seeing that one moment for what it was. So bewitched was I (like the Prince Rilian in C.S. Lewis' "The Silver Chair"), that I even did my best to forgive that. I reasoned that if I could demonstrate forgiveness to that level, maybe she'd understand how much God loved her (when I talk of forgiveness in this context, I wish to make it clear that I am talking in terms of continuing a relationship... not with regard to sin itself). All she cared about was getting her crutch back though. I carried my burden for some time after that... and when I think of how heavy that could of been in terms of consequences, I shudder... and thank God for the grace he showed me in helping me to awaken from my living nightmare.

While I have been healed of the experience, the memory of that time has always coloured my perception of male/female friendships. I do believe that platonic relationships between men and women are possible... in fact, I thrive on them... a couple of my best friends are women (easier to talk to). However, when somebody I am close to who is in a relationship, is approached by another man, I will always regard that man with suspicion. This is especially the case when a man lurks on the fringes of their social circle and when he "has their ear" too readily. I don't like players and seducers.

This has a lot to do with the road I have walked and I have two things to say to men:

1) I am sorry if I have regarded you unfairly because of my pain.

2) Please do not prove me correct in this matter... ever.

Me and this issue? We're done now.

A Hard Lesson Relearned

Sometimes you know things on a subconscious level, but you need to be reminded of them in very real ways.

On Sunday I visited a dear friend at a church service she was attending; it was an opportunity to talk about various things and pour out what has been in or on my heart. She was asking me if I'd heard some good news she had come across, which I had... but in truth, that "good" news had been like bitter waters to me.

A friend has been blessed greatly this year... in a way that I have waited patiently for myself for quite some time. It was a bitter pill to swallow because his morality in such matters has from my perspective been rather dubious. Personally I find "all's fair in love and war" to be a principle that is greatly at odds with "love your neighbour as yourself", but without going into the details, lets just say he never saw a problem in living by both attitudes... at least not around me.

Some times we have a right to be angry... but just because anger is righteous under certain circumstances, it doesn't mean we should always embrace it. We would be justifiably angry if we were smacked in the face and yet Jesus taught us to turn the other cheek. If Jesus had reacted to righteous anger all the time he felt it, he would never have died for us. Is there anything under the sun that is more worthy of righteous anger than the torture and murder of the innocent? If Jesus could turn aside his anger at being unfairly punished at human hands... should we not do the same for the comparatively much smaller things that irk us?

God convicted me on the way back home on Sunday, whilst riding the bike in the pouring rain. While I mulled over the anger I felt, he put a scripture in my heart it was from the parable of the Prodigal Son:

"The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'" Luke 15:28-30

I was acting just like that older brother. "Ah! but", I protested "The prodigal son was repentant when he was blessed, I don't feel that has happened". Then God laid on my heart one of my heroes from the Old Testament - Josiah. Josiah's father and grandfather were deeply dodgy men... godless men in fact. Yet God in his wisdom blessed these men with a line of succession. Why not cut off evil men where they stand? Well, if God had done that... Josiah would never have been born and the reforms that held back judgement from Judah for a generation, would never have taken place.

I have repented of my anger and there has been a marked difference in my attitude to the person who wounded me. I have been much more civil... it may not be deserved, but God requires it of me nonetheless.

When Jesus commanded us to love our enemies he said that God makes the sun and rain fall on good and evil men alike. As you live your daily life, you will discover that both good and ball, wonderful and terrible things happen to both the righteous and unjust. Instead of trying to consider whether we or other people are getting our just desserts... we should remember that the big story is not about us. As Shakespeare said:

"All the world's a stage,And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts"

Here is the conclusion of the matter. God is sovereign and his love is unconditional. He has mercy on whom he has mercy and he has compassion on whom he has compassion. By his sovereign choice he blesses who he will, whether they be unrepentant or righteous. In his wisdom he knows the good that will come eventually. Nothing is wasted.

For those of us who still wait for the sweet gentle rain of blessing to kiss our lands; we should remember what the Father said in the story to the older son who felt grieved by waiting, while his disobedient brother was blessed:

"My son, you are always with me, and everything I have is yours."

The Cost of Correction

Many years ago Arun Gandhi (grandson of the political and spiritual leader Mahatma Gandhi), moved back to South Africa with his father to continue the struggle against apartheid. One day Arun was asked by his elderly father to drive him to a meeting in Johannesburg, then drop off the car at a garage for it's service before picking him up from the meeting at 5pm.

Now Arun realised it would take some time to wait for the car, so he decided to bide the time by going to watch a film at the nearest cinema... which just happened to be showing a double feature that day. He emerged from the cinema and checked his watch. Horrified, he realised that it was already past 5 o'clock. He rushed to the place where his father was waiting, on the corner in the pouring rain... rapidly thinking of plausable excuses for his lateness. Then he said "Father, you must forgive me. It is taking them longer to repair the automobile than I thought it would take, but if you wait here I will go and get the car. It should be ready by now."

His father silently bowed his head and looked downward, then after what seemed like a long time he finally said "When you were not here at our meeting time I called the garage to see why you were late. They told me that the automobile was ready at 3 o'clock! Now I have to give some thought as to how I have failed, so as to have a son who would lie to his own father. I will have to think about this. So I am going to walk home and use the time during my walk to meditate on this question."

Arun could not bring himself to just drive off without his father. Instead, he followed the elderly man home watching him stagger along the muddy road as the rain fell down upon him. Arun continually flashed the car headlights to try and gain his father's attention... but it was to no avail. His father relentlessly stumbled all the way on the long journey towards home. Overcome with remorse for his actions, Arun repeatedly beat the steering wheel and said over and over to himself "I will never lie again! I will never lie again!"

It is a true story - Arun himself recounted it to Tony Campolo when the two of them met.

It is also true that this is exactly how God corrects us. God has a plan for us right from the very beginning in fact even before we are born. However, being selfish and broken by our sinful nature. We rebel against that plan... either by not doing what is right, or actively doing what is wrong. We are disobedient.

The Bible teaches us that the punishment of our disobedience - for being slaves to the sinful nature is death. So what does God do about this? Does he beat us with a big stick or throw lightning bolts at us?

No.

Like Arun's father, God took the punishment of our actions upon himself, by sending Jesus to suffer and die in our place. In the same way that Arun watched his father trudge home in the rain, we look upon Christ crucified... a righteous man willingly taking the punishment for the mistakes of God's children. The price is paid.

However if we look at Arun's response to his father, I believe it gives us opportunity to examine our own attitude towards God. Arun knowing what suffering his disobedience had caused his father... repented and resolved to change his attitude. Imagine you are in that car... that it is you behind the wheel and Jesus is walking down the road ahead of you carrying his cross to Calvary.

The way I see it, there are two responses. You can callously drive off home and face the consequences yourself... or you can follow Jesus... continually reminding yourself of the cost of what you have done and resolving daily not to do it again.

Arun's father did not despise him... he wanted Arun to be a good son. Likewise God does not despise you or I (even though we deserve it), he merely wishes us to be restored to be the people he called us to be. Now let me tell you another story... one that Jesus told:

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 28:9-14

Maybe you think you are OK and don't need Jesus, in which case I urge you to think on why God considered the situation so grave that he sent his Son to make payment by dying for our sins. Then think what the implications of that are for you personally.

Or maybe you are a Christian and have found Jesus and have a relaxed attitude to your behaviour because you know that the blood of Jesus covers our sins. In which case I urge you to think again what those sins did to Jesus, for:

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."
1 Corinthians 1:19,20

Discover who you are and what you were called to be in Christ, and if you have forgotten... remember.

Jesus did not just die to destroy our sin, he was raised to enable us to rise above it. He promised us his Spirit would be with us until the end of the age. If you want to know what that's about I encourage you to pray these words:

Dear God, I come to You in the name of Jesus.

I now realize that I have a choice to make concerning my life. I believe that Jesus died and shed his blood for my sins and rose from the dead giving me the way to fellowship with You and to live eternally with You.

Knowing this I choose to renounce my past and I accept the price Jesus paid for me to be total and complete, because You said it is. I choose Jesus to be Lord of my life and to live within me, and I choose to live for You from this moment on.

I believe right now that I am indeed born again. My spirit is a brand new creation and I stand before You heavenly Father worthy not because of my actions, but because Jesus justifies me.

Thank You for loving me and accepting me into your family.

Amen

God Remembers

That sounds a little odd doesn't it? Does God forget people? However, when the Bible talks about God remembering someone... it's not that he forgot they were there, it just means that he returns to someone with special compassion and concern... after leaving them in a particular situation.

I am hoping that this is what God is working in me at the moment. I've struggled long and hard at the bottom of a cistern, waiting to be rescued! I talked through the Proverbs scripture I've been wrestling with, with a leader at church... and got it prayed over.

We covered the ground where Rachel was frustrated by her barrenness... and God "remembers" her later and when the time is right she is blessed with Joseph. Similarly God "remembers" Noah, just before the flood (good job really).

I realised this morning that despite forgiving the person who hurt me a while back, I had not told them... instead I had completely ignored them. I feel that God was challenging that stance I had taken this morning. A scripture was on my heart, specifically the bit in bold:

""Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
He also told them this parable: "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

I realised that just because I'm not comfortable around someone because of what they did to me, and don't wish to be close to them again; it gives me no excuse to blank them out of everything.

Lately I've been worried that somebody I have discovered feelings for, is not talking to me... and I don't know why. Yet how can I expect them to talk to me, if I myself am not prepared to talk? How dare I have the audacity to moan to God that someone is silent with regard to me.... if I myself am silent to another. Repentance comes before revival, both personally and nationally, so I knew i had to act.... whether I be blessed or not... righteousness requires me to settle my accounts peaceably.

I sent a text today, to acknowledge and thank the person who hurt me for sending back my borrowed belongings, to forgive them for the pain they caused... to apologise for my silence... and to say that I needed to remain distant, but not that I intended to be ignorant.

I don't know if God is going to help me out in my specific circumstance but I can only trust in him. It was weird that the Bible verse today was on Joseph... because that's largely where I feel I am. Having received promises and visions for the future... I find myself stuck in a cistern wondering how God will get me out of the pickle.

I'm waiting God... please answer.... remember me.

As David would say.... "Come Quickly Lord."