Unmercifully Blessed

In recent days I've found myself thinking about and re-exploring  the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant. It's a story of Jesus that only appears in one gospel (Matthew), it features a man who having a great debt faces terrible punishment. at the last minute his master has a change of heart and mercifully forgives the debt. Shortly after this, the servant tracks sown another man who owes the master a debt and threatens him with the same punishment he narrowly avoided, when the master hears about this... he reverses his decision and comes down on the unmerciful servant like a tonne of bricks.

In hindsight, the point of the story post Jesus death, resurrection and ascension is quite clear to us because those of us who are Christians recognise that in Christ, God forgave each and every one of us an unpayable debt, and therefore we accept the importance of forgiving others their own sins, however manifold.

However, I believe that the parable has applications beyond the obvious.

Why do we always assume that this attitude only applies to God's grace in respect of the bad things he has forgiven us? I put it to you that in fact, this applies equally to God's providence - the good things he gives us. When God blesses us, should we not equally acknowledge that we also don't deserve the good things he gives us. When we see people who have not been so fortunate or have yet to experience blessing in a particular way, should we not be merciful to them? Should we not remember what it was like to manage day by day before God blessed us? Should we not recognise in others, the difficulties and trials we may once have walked with and escaped, or may have completely avoided simply because God chose to bless us in a particular way?

The most obvious, stand-out example for me is the concept of marriage and the family. Time and time again I see people move into family life (with or without children), and they go through a personality change. I'm not talking about the increase of responsibilities and the change in priorities - these are natural. What I'm talking about is a personality swap that seems to occur. Where once you could joke around with your friends, the humour is lost and actually becomes offensive to the point they feel feel they have to defend one another. These are just the first few subtle cracks of an invisible chasm that begins to widen as time goes by, one that begins to create two tiers within the church... haves and have nots; one that has led to the idolatrous worship of the family unit within the Church... where those who do not meet the criteria are seen as eccentric lepers who we find discomfort in being around, whose presence embarrasses us and who we don't like to talk about because they have become so foreign to us.

In some ways, attitudes like this remind me of the final scene in Invasion of the Bodysnatchers:

It may sound ridiculous, but sometimes it really does seem sometimes like you can strike up a conversation with someone you once knew following a positive change of circumstances... and they just react as if you are some kind of aberration, foreigner or alien. The idea that your friends have become replaced by pod people is laughable... but the feelings associated with it are also not very nice.

There's another parable that Jesus told (this time in Luke's gospel), it's the Parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus. In this tale, a man who has been abundantly blessed with the things of this world remains blissfully unaware of a poor man named Lazarus who can only hope that leftovers might come his way.  However when both men die, the situation is reversed and Lazarus enjoys the company of Abraham in heaven, whilst the rich man longs for drops of water to cool his tongue from the heat of Hades. Isn't it telling that Jesus doesn't even bother to give the rich man a name? Because of their attitudes, the rich man is temporal and Lazarus is eternal. It is a tale of two chasms - the lateral and eventually... the vertical.

This then is another take on the temptation to be unmerciful. Had the rich man remembered where his blessings came from, had he been mindful of Lazarus... he could have a voided his fate.

So in conclusion then, what am I saying? Am I suggesting that if you are married with kids, you've had your lot in life and if you forget your single friends you are in danger of hellfire? No, of course not. I was merely using the paradigm between the married and the single as an example as it is the one that is most prevalent and relevant to me (and I should add that it isn't even universally true... I am blessed with several groups of married friends who treat me well).

No this isn't my point at all. My point is simply this... that each and every one of us has an obligation to recognise the manifold ways that God has blessed us... and not hoard it from or lord it over the people around us. there must be no ivory towers in God's kingdom.

Let it not be said of us that we are "unmercifully blessed". Instead, let us seek ways of  using our blessings to raise others up. Let us use what God has given us to bless others.

I'd like to finish with a quote from Ridley Scott's take on Robin Hood. I think it sums up in many ways the kind of attitude we should have with regard to the undeserved providence we may find ourselves the beneficiary of:

"We can't repay our good luck with bad grace, it invites darkness."

The Dragon Around the Corner

I had an interesting experience when visiting a church on Sunday. Whilst in prayer, I felt I had been given a word... a phrase to be precise.

I heard the words "courage in the quiet places"... and to be honest they've stuck in my head because on the face of it, they form a fairly random sentence and it's hard to discern what it actually means.

So I've been praying about it over the course of the past couple of days.

Eventually out of curiosity I resorted to Googling the phrase. I was taken (courtesy of the top result... and there weren't many), to a link to a 1995 sermon which intrigued me as it referenced a quote from The Hobbit:

Wisps of vapour floated up and past him, and he began to sweat.  A sound, too, began to throb in his ears, a sort of bubbling like the noise of a large pot galloping on the fire, mixed with a rumble as of a gigantic tom-cat purring.  This grew to the unmistakable gurgling noise of some vast animal snoring in its sleep down there in the red glow in front of him.

It was at this point that Bilbo stopped.  Going on from there was the bravest thing he ever did.  The tremendous things that happened afterward were as nothing compared to it.  He fought the real battle in the tunnel alone, before he ever saw the vast danger that lay in wait.

The dragon Smaug from Tolkien's The Hobbit

The quoting of the passage really resonated with me... and perhaps to a lesser extent the rest of the sermon did too. For whatever reason, I certainly felt invigorated in facing some of my contemporary personal struggles... as the bible quite rightly says:

"A person finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word!"

Proverbs 15:23

How good a timely word is indeed.

The reason The Hobbit quote ties in so well with me, is that I am often very much like a little hobbit stuck in a tunnel... hearing the faint rumbles of dragon breath  and watching the walls shimmering with eerie, ethereal glows from as yet unperceived creatures in the adjoining caverns that surround me.  I could choose to face any one of those dragons but have a reluctance to do so be it out of fear or uncertainty about whether it is the right battle to fight.

I felt quite inspired by my experience. I get the sense that I am being told there is a dragon around the corner; that it's one that I'm going to have to fight... and that I'm being invisibly prepared for it before I even  come to face it. Perhaps it is rather portentous that the chapter the quote is taken from is ominously called "Inside Information". Although this interpretation is by no means certain and I'm thinking and praying it through whilst open to suggestion; I am quite reluctant to share this directly with some of the people I'm closest to... because I have concerns that they will put their own spin on it... based on what they think is best for me. Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt they have the best of intentions... but sometimes the apparent best of intentions are not God's intention... and as I type these words, I am recalling a certain scene from the film, Kingdom of Heaven:

A king may move a man. A father may claim a son. That man may also move himself. And only then does that man truly begin his own game. Remember howsoever you are played... or by whom, your soul is in your keeping alone. Even though those who presume to play you be kings or men of power, when you stand before God you cannot say "But I was told by others to do thus" or that "virtue was not convenient at the time", this will not suffice. Remember that.

I intend to remember that.

Lately I have been feeling more and more forthright and confident in my opinions. While sounding out some of my friends and colleagues over the issues tied to my previous post, I found that one of my closest friends disagreed with me. At the time I got quite flustered about the gulf of difference between our opinions; then I recalled my words about the film Cool Runnings in a previous post... and I reminded myself that his walk is not my walk and his perception of my journey comes from his position on the road which he is standing, on his.

If I look Nick Payne, walk Nick Payne, talk Nick Payne and AM Nick Payne... I sure as heck better live Nick Payne.

The same applies to all of us. How can we be true to God if we can't even be true to ourselves (and vice versa).

So as we hesitate in our own subterranean labyrinth, steeling ourselves for what lies ahead... we find this one truth at work: 

Dragons may come, treasure may await... but whatever we face - be it adversity or ecstasy.,we must do so in our own inimitable God given fashion... with the weapons and gifts he has blessed us with and in the manner he has prepared us.

Finding Heavenly Treasure on Earth

It's funny that I referenced Indiana Jones the other day in my blog, because it seems that I have discovered a cache of hidden treasure myself.

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field."

Matthew 13:44

Make no mistake, that passage is principally about discovering salvation and understanding it's true value... being prepared to lay everything required down, in order to embrace it.

However, what of those of us who are already saved? Can it be taken further?

I believe so.

What of God's promises in this life? And what of the things that are spiritually good for us?

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Phillippians 4:8

If it is good for us, if it is beneficial to our walk with God... then we should seek it out. When our heart is set on Godly things we can have confidence, for:

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

Luke 11:9-13

I have recently blundered into a field like the man described in the parable I opened with. Just scratching the surface reveals God's goodness. Richer than rubies, finer than gold. By God's grace I have stumbled upon it.

Now there is no doubt what I have discovered is exceedingly good (to borrow an expression from Mr. Kipling... whose cakes are insignificant in comparison to the blessings of God), but is it right for me?

One things for certain I'm going to be taking it up with God - the owner of the field, because I have seen that which he put out there and if in any way by his grace and in his sovereignty, he sees fit to let me attain it. Then I shall consider myself among all men truly blessed.

In fact whatever the outcome, I already feel richly blessed.

God is good. God is indeed good and his love endures forever.

Is it right? I don't know... I see the obstacles and the difficulties... but I also see the Lord.

I just want to make sure I keep in step with God and take hold of his promises at the time he chooses.

I'd like to wrap up by posting this song by Mike and the Mechanics... I think it sums up my recent journeys quite accurately:

God bless

N

Grappling with God

I genuinely feel positive about the coming year, a lot of the obstacles in my life will fall away next year. It's been kind of like a race where I've started several hundred yards behind everyone else... and 2007 will see me cross the start line!

However, there is one thing that genuinely scares me. I have this feeling that at some point early in 2007, God is going to "call me out".

Over the past few days I have been very worried about a couple of things, which were leading me to feeling trapped and made me fear I was being sent down a road I did not wish to travel. I worried that I might have no choice or as a dear friend of mine once put it, that my only choice might be "eat the poo or don't eat the poo." Basically take what you don't want or go hungry. In the end it was just paranoia and nothing came of it... but I had been so depressed by the concept that I had sat up in prayer for an hour in the middle of the night, voicing my anger and my distress.

I've lately been thinking about the passage in Genesis where Jacob physically wrestles God... actually thinking doesn't nearly describe it, I've been obsessing over it. I've read it a couple of times and I've printed off three different sermons from the Internet concerning it, in the hope of discovering what the personal relevance is for me at this time.

Jacob seemed to be trapped between a rock and a hard place. He was uncomfortable with going forward and he couldn't turn back. He was in such a state, he divided his family, servants and belongings into two groups and sat alone on the banks of the river Jabbok, meditating and praying. God knew what was required and instead of patting him on the back and saying "don't worry Jacob it'll be OK", he materialises in physical form, not far from where Jacob was praying. With no distractions, it's just Jacob and God... so what does Jacob do? He decides to lay the smack down on God.

Not a good plan!

One thing I have in common with Jacob is my tenacity and stubborn nature... I don't give in easily. Jacob was never going to win, but he sure wasn't going to quit. God throws Jacob's leg out of whack to shorten the conflict... and that was the moment of epiphany. Jacob was fighting God for a blessing... but all of a sudden, he was no longer trying to beat it out of God... he was holding onto God in desperation. If he let go, God could have left and not blessed him.

God did bless Jacob in the end, actually he had always blessed him, but from now on Jacob realised that he was dependent on God's blessing and embraced him.

People fear God's sovereignty because they foolishly try to understand it in human terms. If a mortal man were to get absolute power, it would corrupt him absolutely. God is not bound to the same curse as us. You could argue that God was being selfish and unfair by doing what he did to Jacob... but ultimately that encounter benefited Jacob and the whole of humanity. What is good for God in the long run is good for us. Or as the writer of Hebrews put it so eloquently:

"Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

I have the feeling I'm going to have my nuts busted by God at some point early in the new year... but on the whole I think that'll probably be a good thing. Something I think I really need to learn, is that God's plan for me isn't just a yoke. He isn't just going to lead me into relationships that i have to tolerate... he's going to lead me into green pasture, people and things I can delight in... because ultimately I'm going to need those blessings to help sustain me later on.

To close with, I've embedded the video tribute to Johnny Cash's "God's Gonna Cut You Down", something for us all to think about there I think...

Things to Come

I sadly have not yet had the honour of becoming a parent, knowing the agony and ecstasy of watching something that is a part of you grow up and realising their own personal destiny.

However, I am knowledgeable enough to realise that when a child is born, nobody really knows quite what to expect along the rocky path of pilgrimage that is life on Earth.

Though this is true of every child, it was especially the case with Jesus Christ - not just for his parents, but for all those around him.

When you look at a child it easy to project your own ideas and aspirations about who or what he shall be... because to our eyes a child is an open book.

Even if you take the slightly unsubtle angelic gesture proclaiming the birth of Christ, then just a week into his natural life... Jesus was causing a lot of commotion.

Simeon spoke of him:

"This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too."

I wonder what Mary made of that? As far as we know, it is the first time she had any hint that the life of Jesus would be marked with controversy and suffering.

A short while later and Mary, Joseph and Jesus get a visit from some foreign wise men. They bring gifts "gold for a king", no surprise there... that's in line with what the angel said... Son of David, reigning over his kingdom - no problem. "Frankincense for a priest" - hmm interesting - whatever could that be referring to? After all Jesus was of the tribe of Judah - not Levi. What could it mean? Finally, "Myrrh" for the grave. Now everybody dies... but these gifts were to signify that kingship, priestly virtue and death were to play a major role in Jesus destiny. What could it all possibly mean?

As Jesus grew into a healthy teenager, favoured by God and men... he began to openly recognise the unique nature of his relationship with God in heaven. Hew began to say and do things that made his earthly family uncomfortable.

Eventually as a man, he struck out on his own... pursuing his Father's business, THE Father's business - namely making known the good news of the Gospel message: healing the sick, giving sight to the blind, feeding the hungry, raising the dead, proclaiming the forgiveness of sins and the coming of the Kingdom of God.

Just three and a half years later, his body hung limp on a cross - bruised, battered, cut to ribbons, drained of blood and life.

Just three days after that he was ALIVE. Not just revived, he had gone beyond death and become something so magnificent and wonderful... we can barely grasp the concept.

No one could have seen that coming as he lay gurgling away in the straw of Bethlehem. Who could have seen it?

My Christmas message to you is simply this:

What is Jesus to you? What do you expect from him? Is he merely forever frozen in time and space as an infant fairy tale on a stained glass window? Is he a wise teacher? Or is he the magnificent and wonderful risen Lord who comes to change the destiny of mankind? My challenge to you, whatever you see Jesus as this Christmas... is to let him grow in your heart.

"Don't be afraid!" That is what the angels said to the shepherds... and that is what I say to you. Don't worry about what Jesus will become in your heart, or fret over who or what that will lead you to become. Unleash God in your heart and just wait and see what happens.

God bless and Merry Christmas!

Nick

A Hard Lesson Relearned

Sometimes you know things on a subconscious level, but you need to be reminded of them in very real ways.

On Sunday I visited a dear friend at a church service she was attending; it was an opportunity to talk about various things and pour out what has been in or on my heart. She was asking me if I'd heard some good news she had come across, which I had... but in truth, that "good" news had been like bitter waters to me.

A friend has been blessed greatly this year... in a way that I have waited patiently for myself for quite some time. It was a bitter pill to swallow because his morality in such matters has from my perspective been rather dubious. Personally I find "all's fair in love and war" to be a principle that is greatly at odds with "love your neighbour as yourself", but without going into the details, lets just say he never saw a problem in living by both attitudes... at least not around me.

Some times we have a right to be angry... but just because anger is righteous under certain circumstances, it doesn't mean we should always embrace it. We would be justifiably angry if we were smacked in the face and yet Jesus taught us to turn the other cheek. If Jesus had reacted to righteous anger all the time he felt it, he would never have died for us. Is there anything under the sun that is more worthy of righteous anger than the torture and murder of the innocent? If Jesus could turn aside his anger at being unfairly punished at human hands... should we not do the same for the comparatively much smaller things that irk us?

God convicted me on the way back home on Sunday, whilst riding the bike in the pouring rain. While I mulled over the anger I felt, he put a scripture in my heart it was from the parable of the Prodigal Son:

"The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'" Luke 15:28-30

I was acting just like that older brother. "Ah! but", I protested "The prodigal son was repentant when he was blessed, I don't feel that has happened". Then God laid on my heart one of my heroes from the Old Testament - Josiah. Josiah's father and grandfather were deeply dodgy men... godless men in fact. Yet God in his wisdom blessed these men with a line of succession. Why not cut off evil men where they stand? Well, if God had done that... Josiah would never have been born and the reforms that held back judgement from Judah for a generation, would never have taken place.

I have repented of my anger and there has been a marked difference in my attitude to the person who wounded me. I have been much more civil... it may not be deserved, but God requires it of me nonetheless.

When Jesus commanded us to love our enemies he said that God makes the sun and rain fall on good and evil men alike. As you live your daily life, you will discover that both good and ball, wonderful and terrible things happen to both the righteous and unjust. Instead of trying to consider whether we or other people are getting our just desserts... we should remember that the big story is not about us. As Shakespeare said:

"All the world's a stage,And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts"

Here is the conclusion of the matter. God is sovereign and his love is unconditional. He has mercy on whom he has mercy and he has compassion on whom he has compassion. By his sovereign choice he blesses who he will, whether they be unrepentant or righteous. In his wisdom he knows the good that will come eventually. Nothing is wasted.

For those of us who still wait for the sweet gentle rain of blessing to kiss our lands; we should remember what the Father said in the story to the older son who felt grieved by waiting, while his disobedient brother was blessed:

"My son, you are always with me, and everything I have is yours."

"Talya Cumi"

Do you remember the New Testament story of how Jesus raised Jairus' daughter from the dead?

Jesus is informed of a girl's sickness and sets off to heal her, but he is "distracted" by a woman suffering from hemorrhaging who was cured by touching his robe. while Jesus calls out to the crowd, to establish who touched him.... the little girl dies of her illness. To the human eye, Jesus failed... he didn't get there in time. However it's another one of those situations that I spoke of the other day. God deliberately allows the situation to deteriorate so that he can demonstrate his sovereignty, love, grace and power in a greater way (you can see the same thing happen in the story of Lazarus).

When Jesus eventually shows up, he tells those around that she is merely sleeping and that he has come to wake her. He utters the Aramaic phrase "Talitha Cumi" which means "little girl, wake up". It is at this point that she is miraculously restored to life.

My week has been a little like that, though not literally of course.

In my last entry I revealed my reaction to the news that I had not been appointed to the position I had applied for at work. Despite my best efforts, I was pipped to the post and naturally disappointed... but for perhaps the first time in a good, long while - I was at peace, I knew good had come out of it and I felt God would work the situation towards the best outcome.

Yesterday I was greeted with the news that the applicant who narrowly beat me, had declined to accept the position once it had been offered... and so it had been offered to me as the second most qualified candidate. I think God was more than adequately demonstrating a point to me. It was only after events had gone beyond my capacity to influence the situation, that they turned in my favour. If I had succeeded straight off, I may have been tempted to boast in my own abilities. As it is, I have an opportunity to boast about my God... which is far better.

My whole outlook to life seems to be evolving... actually that probably doesn't adequately explain it - transforming would be a better word. Evolving implies a long and gradual process, but the things that are happening to me are much quicker.

I feel that God's voice is speaking tenderly to me.... "Talya Cumi" - "little boy, wake up" (I know you were wondering how I was going to work the title in and now you know*). I'm feeling far more relaxed around people and my energy levels are way up. I believe that the process of change that stalled some time around this time of year in 2004, has been reinvigorated.

Some of the things that I have stumbled across in other peoples comments here, as well as their own blogs... seem to be reminding me that God would pick up where he left off. Now it seems he is beginning to lead me back to blessing. Not because of my desire or effort, but because of his joy and his grace.

I pray the fruit of God's blessings will be yours to experience in the coming days.

Nick


*
When researching the Aramaic masculine equivalent of "Talitha Cumi" I came across something very interesting. The word "Talitha" is Aramaic slang for a ewe lamb... and at the time it was common at the time of Jesus for Hebrews to use the term in connection with children. It's the same as we do today when we call kids "little sparrow" or "kitten" or anything similar.

Now the word "Talya" is the male equivalent and it also is slang and literally means "lamb". Hebrew parents would call their boys it all the time.

It has therefore been argued that the term "Lamb of God" as used in the New Testament may not just have been allegorically used... it could have been a literal term - making it clear to the early reader that Jesus is God's Son. I don't know if that's the concrete case (that Lamb of God was understood in that context then), but it's an interesting thought.

The Road Back to Blessing

While I had been struggling over the issue of relationships (thanks to Hope, Cassie and Connie's kind responses), I went into church on Monday to pray through it on my own. While I was there I stumbled across this passage in Jeremiah 31:

"I have surely heard Ephraim's moaning:

'You disciplined me like an unruly calf,

and I have been disciplined.

Restore me, and I will return,

because you are the LORD my God.

After I strayed,

I repented;

after I came to understand,

I beat my breast.

I was ashamed and humiliated

because I bore the disgrace of my youth.'

Is not Ephraim my dear son,

the child in whom I delight?

Though I often speak against him,

I still remember him.

Therefore my heart yearns for him;

I have great compassion for him,"

declares the LORD.

"Set up road signs;

put up guideposts.

Take note of the highway,

the road that you take.

Return, O Virgin Israel,

return to your towns.

I know I'm guilty of moaning at God. I know I was led to the wilderness for a reason, I figure maybe I was exiled from relationships for disobedience. A long time ago I was in a serious relationship and I didn't get out when I clearly should have; so intent was I on fixing the other person's life scenario, that I neglected my own well being and spiritual/psychological health as a person. I was woefully ignorant of God... trying to flog a dead horse. By his grace and his mercy, God pulled me out of that situation and sat me down for a deep talk. He convicted me, he challenged me, he spoke of promises and even gave me hints of things to come. I was impatient and chased them down and God led me into the wilderness. Last year he tested me bitterly, to see if I would choose selfish desire over obeying him. Those of you who were with me at that time, know that it was an extremely hard time for me... but I came through. Since that time I have been through periods where I'm great... and other times when I moan at God... just like the tribe of Ephraim in the above passage.

I have learned some of the lessons that God required me to understand before moving on... but by no means would I boast of having learned them all.

I feel God wants to return me to a place of blessing, I also feel he is challenging me to look into the events in my life that led me to exile in the first place. When Jeremiah revealed the above message to God's people... it was just prior to the exile. He was in effect telling them to leave practical markers in the desert to help them return when their period of discipline was over. Obviously I can't physically go back in time and do that for myself, but I feel that God wants me to examine my past and look at the points that led me out into the wilderness. There already are emotional markers laid down - psychological, spiritual and physical events that shaped my walk until now. By backtracking and praying through them, I hope to be restored to a place where The Lord can fulfill his promises.

I was also encouraged by reading a short story by Max Lucado in "When God Whispers Your Name". He pointed out the practical aspects of Moses' exile in the desert. Moses as you may recall was a man of authority in Egypt. that all changed when he killed an Egyptian who was abusing a Hebrew. Moses was forced to flee out into the desert. He resigned himself to living a quiet life - that of a shepherd, out in the wilderness. however as Max pointed out... Moses learned the crafts of the desert while living in the wild. Moses as a young man was hot headed, arrogant and inexperienced. Moses as an elderly man had learned patience... and despite his frailty had a lifetime's knowledge of desert survival... not to mention the newly acquired assurance of God.

Just looking at some of the things I said about relationships when I was younger, I was arrogant. Watching my friends stumble and fall, I proudly said to myself that I could show them how it was done... as if it was my job. How pompous was I? I've stumbled. I've been picked up. I'm in a place where the receipt of such promises seems to fade into the distance day by day... but God is as good as his word... even if I am not.

Romans teaches us that Abraham received what was promised through faith... even though his body was in the Bible's words "as good as dead". Abraham wobbled but never fell down. He always hoped and trusted in God's fulfillment of his word. Sometimes he tried to force the issue and messed up... but he always trusted good would come eventually. When God speaks... the debate ends.

Sometimes hope seems distant and just a blur on the horizon... but hope is never forlorn where the Lord is concerned.

If you are in the desert, take heart.

God bless

Nick - hopefully homeward bound.

Update on My Previous Post

In my last entry I told you that I felt slightly bothered that no matter how hard I try, my finances keep getting knocked back to square one (this also seems true of any advances in the area of relationships).

I thought further on this throughout the day and came to several possible conclusions:
That I am being disciplined for my past behaviour in both relationships and finance.
That some kind of oppression/curse is causing problems
Or that God is keeping me in place until the time is right.
I'm more inclined to think the latter, but I think that I need to pray about this... I also would appreciate other people praying.

After I published my last blog, I cam across the following scripture:

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

This would seem to back theory 3. I don't think this will be permanent, in my last blog I mentioned the verse about repaying the year of the locust. That comes just before a prophetic blessing where God promises to pour out his Spirit on all his people. As this relates to a vision that is held for my church, I believe that when the time is right... all the doors will be opened.

Rob thinks that maybe I have been put in this position to stop me gallivanting off into the sunset... chasing down my dreams away from where he wants me.

I have to admit, while I don't mind waiting on him for all my deepest hopes... I would appreciate a deposit in the area of relationships. I just don't feel the church is going to receive these blessings for a few years (though I hope I'm wrong), and that's a long time to be in the relationship desert. I mean it's not like he's just going to go bang and make someone want to marry me on the spot! These things take time. Though I am sitting here and chilling out for now... (it ain't my number one priority) if desire and opportunity come knocking I might not feel inclined to pass it up (it is probably my number 2/3 priority). Does this really mean God is going to scupper any advance I make on any girl?

Think I'm just going to play it by ear. The old joke about the guy trapped on a roof who asked God to save him keeps springing to mind.

Whatever happens, He is good. I'm going to pray on this... I'd appreciate anybody else's too!

Tomorrow I'm going to be a lot lighter, I intend to cover the St. Nicholas Day Parade in Alcester. If you want to come along, drop me a line!

God bless

N

Blessings in Disguise

In the run up to Christmas, my car has started to play up. I had it booked in for a service at the end of November... and knowing how pricey Christmas can be, I tried to keep as much money in reserve as possible.

When the car came back, I had just enough money to cover it without breaking into December wages. However, while the car was being prepped for the voyage home; it turned out that the master cylinder on the brakes had failed. This added another £115 to the bill, furthermore it transpires I need to have three new tires, a back box to the exhaust... and I still haven't had the cam belt replaced.

Were I feeling miserable or ungrateful I might curse my misfortune, but that would be irrational. If you look at it on the surface, yes it does look bad. Dig a little deeper and you could say I've been blessed. Firstly, yes December is an expensive month, which does make things tight... but by holding money in reserve, I've taken the sting out of it. What is more, How blessed was I that my brake cylinder failed in the workshop? Can you imagine what could have happened if it had gone on the road... in the wintry weather, if I was braking sharply behind an articulated lorry?

Yes, I will have to dedicate a large part of two months wages towards paying for this... but the simple truth is, that it is the right three months for it to happen. Any other time and I would have been stuffed. Besides I've had a little help from the people around me... I cannot complain.

One thing that does bother me though, is that I seem to be being kept at zero. I have debts to pay with regard to my car, which relate to the time when I was in a relationship with a rather dependant girl. I felt I needed my car up and running in order to stand by her properly. So when something nasty happened, I took a loan out. Turned out that God wanted me out of the relationship anyway, so I might as well have burned the money... the whole thing was a white elephant! As it stands, no matter how much I put in to breaking even, something always comes along to swipe me back down again. In several years time, the fixed term loan finishes, hopefully that'll be the end of it. However, it is quite clear that I am being held down though... either because of God's design for my future... or because of a curse that needs breaking through prayer. I honestly don't know which. All I know are the following promises:

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten— the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm — my great army that I sent among you." Joel 2:25

That verse comes just before the scripture that God laid on the heart of our church for the future... maybe I should be encouraged by this.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" 1 Corinthians 10:13

and finally Jesus promised...

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

I'm not suggesting that life in the full has anything to do with material wealth. All I am stating is that God is looking out for me and has my whole life mapped out. So I have to trust in Him.

So I praise God, not because I'm having it financially rough... but because he's right there with me going through it and enabling me to overcome.

God bless

N

Return of the Nickmobile

The lady is back!

Sorry if you think it's a bit sexist to refer to a car in the feminine... but I don't have a problem with people personifying their cars as men, and surely if Ellen MacArthur refers to her boat as "she", then it's not really sexist. I think it's to do with your attitude towards the subject. If you see it as a control thing "you are my vehicle, I am your master" then it's sexist, but if it's just a "we're in this together" anthropomorphic personification of companionship... in my opinion that's OK.

Anyway I believe I had a gentleman's bet with you all. I said the car bill would probably balance out with the reclaimed tax I received. I was right. God is good, God provides.

I did get a bit of a scorching for not taking it in sooner though, apparently the rattle wasn't a loose bush, but the shock absorber!!!! Eeek!