Fulfillment?

This time tomorrow I shall not be in the UK.

That's quite a daunting prospect for me... afraid as I am of the whole idea of flying.

However, as I prepare to head out into the skies above Europe, one thought occupies my mind. It is the memory of a vision I had many years ago whilst praying. I've shared it here before, but I have special reason for raising it again now.

In my vision, I saw an eagle hovering over a cliff top and stripping the nest of it's young.

I felt very strongly that God was saying to me, that this was his desire for me - that he was going to take away the things that forced me to stay on the ledge, he was calling me to fly with him. This image remained with me and was bolstered by a two friends independently telling me the same story (but crucially ending it differently).

The story concerned a man who had stolen an eagle's egg and had taken it home to his farm to hatch it among his chickens.

As the eagle grows, it pecks the dirt along with the chickens it has lived among. Then one day, as it reaches adulthood; a great eagle flies over the farm. Looking up, the eagle asks his chicken "siblings" what it is. They tell him that it is an eagle and that it belongs to the sky... but they are chickens and they belong to the ground.

Sadly in one version, the eagle takes heed of the chickens... and lives out it's days believing it was nothing more.

Crucially though, I also heard a version where the eagle listens to an unheard voice... a deeper call. It beats it's wings, takes to the sky and lets the thermals take it up to be with it's own kind.

My fears and anxieties would have me peck in the dirt till the end of my days. The people who have pegged me in a certain light, would have me remain in the mould they have cast for me. Since I booked my holiday last year, a lot of things have been happening to try and discourage me... the political unrest flaring up in Gaza... the increase in the number of planes dropping out of the sky.

This is me saying no to it all. This is me saying, I've got to trust that voice within - the one who calls me from the cliff side... trust him no matter what happens and no matter where he takes me. This is me breaking through the latex barrier that protects me and yet prevents me from exposing myself to situations where I can potentially thrive.

And as I take to the skies literally, in a very real sense my actions will be heralding a far more important flight somewhere deep within my soul.

A passage for you as I leave. Please ignore the fact that it is sometimes regarded as a
cliché, it is not. It certainly is not for me in my current context:

"Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:28-31

Jesus also said that he who wants to save his life will lose it, but he who is prepared to lose it for him, will live. We often tend to regard that saying as to the physical concept of life and death. I'm not sure that's the only way it should be seen though. Jesus also told the parable of the talents. That's a tale where a man loses everything because he's not prepared to risk what he's been given. Now I'm not advocating gambling here. I'm talking about the willingness to invest in things God tells you to invest in, even though you don't see a potential harvest. That's the kind of living sacrifice I talk about. If we aren't prepared to take those risks, then I truly believe that parts of us begin to die.

As Captain Kirk once said: "risk is part of the game if you want to sit in that chair."

In fact I'll play you out with the theme song from the much maligned Star Trek series, Enterprise... because it encapsulates a lot of what I am speaking about.

May God bless you until my return.

Unfettered Joy!

I've been thinking a lot about opportunities, threats, strengths and weaknesses lately and have come to the conclusion that some important changes are going on in me as a person.

In just merrily bumbling along in life, hoping for all the things I wanted... I very rarely looked over my shoulder and contemplated on what I already had. Always with my eyes fixed on the road ahead... I neglected many times to just consider where I was.

For one reason or another I've been thinking about my status in life - 32 and single... but you know what?

SO what!

I'm finally starting to appreciate the freedoms being single affords me... and yeah, maybe I want to settle down... but the Lord gave me these freedoms for a purpose and I'm not ready to surrender them just yet - because I haven't really used them or explored them as I know I can. Nor have I just let my hair down and relaxed around people as I know I want to. In private, I need to start flexing my spiritual muscles and train for what is ahead of me. In public, I need to learn to play.... to just have fun as I am... and not get encumbered by serious relationships that at the present time I don't really have time for.

I was thinking of a quote from a Spider-Man comic this afternoon:

Are you the man who dreamed of being a spider? Or the spider who dreamed of being a man? Are you the one... or are you the other?"

In fact the quote is actually in turn, based on one from the Chinese philosopher Zhuangzi:

One night, Zhuangzi dreamed of being a butterfly — a happy butterfly, showing off and doing things as he pleased, unaware of being Zhuangzi. Suddenly he awoke, drowsily, Zhuangzi again. And he could not tell whether it was Zhuangzi who had dreamt the butterfly or the butterfly dreaming Zhuangzi. But there must be some difference between them! This is called 'the transformation of things'.

Now looking upon those ideas literally, they seem silly. However i had a revelation today. there comes a time in a Christian's walk when he must decide for himself:

Are you the man of God who dreams of being a man with a normal everyday life... or are you the man with an everyday life, who dreams of being a man of God?

I thought I was the latter... but more and more I'm confronted with the realisation that I am the former. That isn't to say that Christianity requires the total rejection of all the things we desire in life... but it does require that they be laid on the altar as a willing sacrifice.

There is the old Star Wars philosophical joke: As a boy you want to be Luke Skywalker.... as a man you want to be Han Solo (boys want to do fancy Jedi tricks and have a light saber, men want to get the girl).

I've always wondered why you couldn't have the light saber and the girl. Maybe you can... and maybe one day I will; but for now, if I can serve God better with a "saber and Jedi powers", than I can running off with princesses, then I can do without. If I have to be a monk rather than a scoundrel then so be it. I'll happily take Gas Meter girl for a coffee if she should happen upon my complimentary email... but it ain't the end of the world if nothing comes of it. Yeah I want to bounce my own kids on my knees one day... but that is the bonus... not the sole purpose of my existence.

Update on My Previous Post

In my last entry I told you that I felt slightly bothered that no matter how hard I try, my finances keep getting knocked back to square one (this also seems true of any advances in the area of relationships).

I thought further on this throughout the day and came to several possible conclusions:
That I am being disciplined for my past behaviour in both relationships and finance.
That some kind of oppression/curse is causing problems
Or that God is keeping me in place until the time is right.
I'm more inclined to think the latter, but I think that I need to pray about this... I also would appreciate other people praying.

After I published my last blog, I cam across the following scripture:

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

This would seem to back theory 3. I don't think this will be permanent, in my last blog I mentioned the verse about repaying the year of the locust. That comes just before a prophetic blessing where God promises to pour out his Spirit on all his people. As this relates to a vision that is held for my church, I believe that when the time is right... all the doors will be opened.

Rob thinks that maybe I have been put in this position to stop me gallivanting off into the sunset... chasing down my dreams away from where he wants me.

I have to admit, while I don't mind waiting on him for all my deepest hopes... I would appreciate a deposit in the area of relationships. I just don't feel the church is going to receive these blessings for a few years (though I hope I'm wrong), and that's a long time to be in the relationship desert. I mean it's not like he's just going to go bang and make someone want to marry me on the spot! These things take time. Though I am sitting here and chilling out for now... (it ain't my number one priority) if desire and opportunity come knocking I might not feel inclined to pass it up (it is probably my number 2/3 priority). Does this really mean God is going to scupper any advance I make on any girl?

Think I'm just going to play it by ear. The old joke about the guy trapped on a roof who asked God to save him keeps springing to mind.

Whatever happens, He is good. I'm going to pray on this... I'd appreciate anybody else's too!

Tomorrow I'm going to be a lot lighter, I intend to cover the St. Nicholas Day Parade in Alcester. If you want to come along, drop me a line!

God bless

N

Blessings in Disguise

In the run up to Christmas, my car has started to play up. I had it booked in for a service at the end of November... and knowing how pricey Christmas can be, I tried to keep as much money in reserve as possible.

When the car came back, I had just enough money to cover it without breaking into December wages. However, while the car was being prepped for the voyage home; it turned out that the master cylinder on the brakes had failed. This added another £115 to the bill, furthermore it transpires I need to have three new tires, a back box to the exhaust... and I still haven't had the cam belt replaced.

Were I feeling miserable or ungrateful I might curse my misfortune, but that would be irrational. If you look at it on the surface, yes it does look bad. Dig a little deeper and you could say I've been blessed. Firstly, yes December is an expensive month, which does make things tight... but by holding money in reserve, I've taken the sting out of it. What is more, How blessed was I that my brake cylinder failed in the workshop? Can you imagine what could have happened if it had gone on the road... in the wintry weather, if I was braking sharply behind an articulated lorry?

Yes, I will have to dedicate a large part of two months wages towards paying for this... but the simple truth is, that it is the right three months for it to happen. Any other time and I would have been stuffed. Besides I've had a little help from the people around me... I cannot complain.

One thing that does bother me though, is that I seem to be being kept at zero. I have debts to pay with regard to my car, which relate to the time when I was in a relationship with a rather dependant girl. I felt I needed my car up and running in order to stand by her properly. So when something nasty happened, I took a loan out. Turned out that God wanted me out of the relationship anyway, so I might as well have burned the money... the whole thing was a white elephant! As it stands, no matter how much I put in to breaking even, something always comes along to swipe me back down again. In several years time, the fixed term loan finishes, hopefully that'll be the end of it. However, it is quite clear that I am being held down though... either because of God's design for my future... or because of a curse that needs breaking through prayer. I honestly don't know which. All I know are the following promises:

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten— the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm — my great army that I sent among you." Joel 2:25

That verse comes just before the scripture that God laid on the heart of our church for the future... maybe I should be encouraged by this.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" 1 Corinthians 10:13

and finally Jesus promised...

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

I'm not suggesting that life in the full has anything to do with material wealth. All I am stating is that God is looking out for me and has my whole life mapped out. So I have to trust in Him.

So I praise God, not because I'm having it financially rough... but because he's right there with me going through it and enabling me to overcome.

God bless

N