Unfettered Joy!

I've been thinking a lot about opportunities, threats, strengths and weaknesses lately and have come to the conclusion that some important changes are going on in me as a person.

In just merrily bumbling along in life, hoping for all the things I wanted... I very rarely looked over my shoulder and contemplated on what I already had. Always with my eyes fixed on the road ahead... I neglected many times to just consider where I was.

For one reason or another I've been thinking about my status in life - 32 and single... but you know what?

SO what!

I'm finally starting to appreciate the freedoms being single affords me... and yeah, maybe I want to settle down... but the Lord gave me these freedoms for a purpose and I'm not ready to surrender them just yet - because I haven't really used them or explored them as I know I can. Nor have I just let my hair down and relaxed around people as I know I want to. In private, I need to start flexing my spiritual muscles and train for what is ahead of me. In public, I need to learn to play.... to just have fun as I am... and not get encumbered by serious relationships that at the present time I don't really have time for.

I was thinking of a quote from a Spider-Man comic this afternoon:

Are you the man who dreamed of being a spider? Or the spider who dreamed of being a man? Are you the one... or are you the other?"

In fact the quote is actually in turn, based on one from the Chinese philosopher Zhuangzi:

One night, Zhuangzi dreamed of being a butterfly — a happy butterfly, showing off and doing things as he pleased, unaware of being Zhuangzi. Suddenly he awoke, drowsily, Zhuangzi again. And he could not tell whether it was Zhuangzi who had dreamt the butterfly or the butterfly dreaming Zhuangzi. But there must be some difference between them! This is called 'the transformation of things'.

Now looking upon those ideas literally, they seem silly. However i had a revelation today. there comes a time in a Christian's walk when he must decide for himself:

Are you the man of God who dreams of being a man with a normal everyday life... or are you the man with an everyday life, who dreams of being a man of God?

I thought I was the latter... but more and more I'm confronted with the realisation that I am the former. That isn't to say that Christianity requires the total rejection of all the things we desire in life... but it does require that they be laid on the altar as a willing sacrifice.

There is the old Star Wars philosophical joke: As a boy you want to be Luke Skywalker.... as a man you want to be Han Solo (boys want to do fancy Jedi tricks and have a light saber, men want to get the girl).

I've always wondered why you couldn't have the light saber and the girl. Maybe you can... and maybe one day I will; but for now, if I can serve God better with a "saber and Jedi powers", than I can running off with princesses, then I can do without. If I have to be a monk rather than a scoundrel then so be it. I'll happily take Gas Meter girl for a coffee if she should happen upon my complimentary email... but it ain't the end of the world if nothing comes of it. Yeah I want to bounce my own kids on my knees one day... but that is the bonus... not the sole purpose of my existence.

Blessings in Disguise

In the run up to Christmas, my car has started to play up. I had it booked in for a service at the end of November... and knowing how pricey Christmas can be, I tried to keep as much money in reserve as possible.

When the car came back, I had just enough money to cover it without breaking into December wages. However, while the car was being prepped for the voyage home; it turned out that the master cylinder on the brakes had failed. This added another £115 to the bill, furthermore it transpires I need to have three new tires, a back box to the exhaust... and I still haven't had the cam belt replaced.

Were I feeling miserable or ungrateful I might curse my misfortune, but that would be irrational. If you look at it on the surface, yes it does look bad. Dig a little deeper and you could say I've been blessed. Firstly, yes December is an expensive month, which does make things tight... but by holding money in reserve, I've taken the sting out of it. What is more, How blessed was I that my brake cylinder failed in the workshop? Can you imagine what could have happened if it had gone on the road... in the wintry weather, if I was braking sharply behind an articulated lorry?

Yes, I will have to dedicate a large part of two months wages towards paying for this... but the simple truth is, that it is the right three months for it to happen. Any other time and I would have been stuffed. Besides I've had a little help from the people around me... I cannot complain.

One thing that does bother me though, is that I seem to be being kept at zero. I have debts to pay with regard to my car, which relate to the time when I was in a relationship with a rather dependant girl. I felt I needed my car up and running in order to stand by her properly. So when something nasty happened, I took a loan out. Turned out that God wanted me out of the relationship anyway, so I might as well have burned the money... the whole thing was a white elephant! As it stands, no matter how much I put in to breaking even, something always comes along to swipe me back down again. In several years time, the fixed term loan finishes, hopefully that'll be the end of it. However, it is quite clear that I am being held down though... either because of God's design for my future... or because of a curse that needs breaking through prayer. I honestly don't know which. All I know are the following promises:

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten— the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm — my great army that I sent among you." Joel 2:25

That verse comes just before the scripture that God laid on the heart of our church for the future... maybe I should be encouraged by this.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" 1 Corinthians 10:13

and finally Jesus promised...

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

I'm not suggesting that life in the full has anything to do with material wealth. All I am stating is that God is looking out for me and has my whole life mapped out. So I have to trust in Him.

So I praise God, not because I'm having it financially rough... but because he's right there with me going through it and enabling me to overcome.

God bless

N