Unexpected Journeys

Merry Christmas everyone!

I decided to write this post in response to a minor pang of guilt I experienced last night.

I was sat in the Midnight Eucharist service at church and listening to the vicar as he started his Christmas sermon. All was going well enough when he used a phrase... three little words that completely threw my concentration and caused me to tune out completely; just three words.

The phrase he used was "An unexpected journey". I have no idea how the next 5 minutes of the sermon went because I ended up mentally going here instead:

Yes, my mind had drifted over to The Shire. In fairness, I'm pretty psyched about The Hobbit, the trailer has only recently been released and I've been watching it quite a bit through sheer excitement. However whichever way you cut it, that probably wasn't the best time for me to choose to go off daydreaming... was it? Although... that said, some might argue my timing was perfect ;)

By way of recompense, I decided to write a little  bit on The Nativity that filled the gulf left by my lapse in concentration.

It occurs to me that there are a number of unexpected journeys involved in the Nativity story. First you have Mary... the young virgin pledged in marriage to Joseph. I am sure the last thing she expected was for an angel to appear in her pantry and advise her of God's plan to bring about the birth of the Messiah through her. Then there is Joseph. I am equally certain that the last thing he expected while he was working on a door frame, was for his fiance to tap him on the shoulder and advise him that she was carrying a child... let alone God's own son.

What of the shepherds tending their sheep? Did they expect the night sky to erupt in an explosion of light and rhymes as angels pouring out of the heavens announcing the arrival of the Christ child? Of course not. Or the Magi? Even if in their ruminations and studies they had anticipated that such a special child was coming into the world... they had no inkling whatsoever into the manner that child would arrive... or where he would be born.

All of these people were faced with circumstances that felt very alien to them; and each of them were presented with a difficult choice.  Mary had to choose whether she would be willing to carry God's child inside of her for 9 months and raise him to manhood knowing the potential difficulties society would throw at her. Joseph had to decide whether or not to honour his marriage commitment to Mary given the unusual story she was presenting him with... and the burden of raising and providing for a son that was not his own, while all the time hearing the jeers of scoffers and whispers of gossipmongers whose prejudice condemned his family. The shepherds had to decide if they were going to act on their trippy experience... possibly risking their already rubbish jobs, in order to see a baby whose significance they did not understand. The Magi had travel across half the Middle East picking up very expensive trade products based on a whimsical calculation over the movement of interplanetary bodies that might easily have proved baseless... especially when they got to Jerusalem and found things weren't as they assumed.

You see, with Jesus nobody knows what to expect. This was a key point that her majesty The Queen raised in her Christmas speech earlier today:

"God sent into the world a unique person - neither a philosopher nor a general, important though they are, but a Saviour, with the power to forgive."

It is as true today as it was then. In Jesus, nobody knows quite what to expect. People miss out on knowing and experiencing who Jesus is because they look at him through the lens of their own perceived wisdom and expectations. The Pharisees and Zealots failed to recognise Jesus when he appeared because they were anticipating a warrior king, a general. Similarly today, people mistakenly relegate Jesus to the same league as the philosophers and teachers of old - a line of thinking that C.S. Lewis robustly refuted in his Liar, Lunatic or Lord argument.

As a Christian I accept that Jesus Christ is far more than a decent man and a good teacher... but more than this I accept that his sovereignty as part of the Godhead and his role in my own life, give him the authority to step into my life and call upon me to set foot on unexpected journeys... to undertake unexpected things, constantly.

You may be reading this and not actually be a Christian and if so perhaps this is the beginning of an unexpected journey of your own. Confronted with the possibility that Jesus may be more than you imagine or understand him to be, are you prepared to invite him in and find out what his real agenda is in your life and the life of those around you?

Like Bilbo Baggins, if we set off on our own unexpected journey with Christ, we will find that we will have quite a tale to tell... and wherever our journey takes us, we too will be changed. To journey for Christ is to journey with him...

...and that changes everything.

Are you prepared to begin your own unexpected journey?

The Dragon Around the Corner

I had an interesting experience when visiting a church on Sunday. Whilst in prayer, I felt I had been given a word... a phrase to be precise.

I heard the words "courage in the quiet places"... and to be honest they've stuck in my head because on the face of it, they form a fairly random sentence and it's hard to discern what it actually means.

So I've been praying about it over the course of the past couple of days.

Eventually out of curiosity I resorted to Googling the phrase. I was taken (courtesy of the top result... and there weren't many), to a link to a 1995 sermon which intrigued me as it referenced a quote from The Hobbit:

Wisps of vapour floated up and past him, and he began to sweat.  A sound, too, began to throb in his ears, a sort of bubbling like the noise of a large pot galloping on the fire, mixed with a rumble as of a gigantic tom-cat purring.  This grew to the unmistakable gurgling noise of some vast animal snoring in its sleep down there in the red glow in front of him.

It was at this point that Bilbo stopped.  Going on from there was the bravest thing he ever did.  The tremendous things that happened afterward were as nothing compared to it.  He fought the real battle in the tunnel alone, before he ever saw the vast danger that lay in wait.

The dragon Smaug from Tolkien's The Hobbit

The quoting of the passage really resonated with me... and perhaps to a lesser extent the rest of the sermon did too. For whatever reason, I certainly felt invigorated in facing some of my contemporary personal struggles... as the bible quite rightly says:

"A person finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word!"

Proverbs 15:23

How good a timely word is indeed.

The reason The Hobbit quote ties in so well with me, is that I am often very much like a little hobbit stuck in a tunnel... hearing the faint rumbles of dragon breath  and watching the walls shimmering with eerie, ethereal glows from as yet unperceived creatures in the adjoining caverns that surround me.  I could choose to face any one of those dragons but have a reluctance to do so be it out of fear or uncertainty about whether it is the right battle to fight.

I felt quite inspired by my experience. I get the sense that I am being told there is a dragon around the corner; that it's one that I'm going to have to fight... and that I'm being invisibly prepared for it before I even  come to face it. Perhaps it is rather portentous that the chapter the quote is taken from is ominously called "Inside Information". Although this interpretation is by no means certain and I'm thinking and praying it through whilst open to suggestion; I am quite reluctant to share this directly with some of the people I'm closest to... because I have concerns that they will put their own spin on it... based on what they think is best for me. Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt they have the best of intentions... but sometimes the apparent best of intentions are not God's intention... and as I type these words, I am recalling a certain scene from the film, Kingdom of Heaven:

A king may move a man. A father may claim a son. That man may also move himself. And only then does that man truly begin his own game. Remember howsoever you are played... or by whom, your soul is in your keeping alone. Even though those who presume to play you be kings or men of power, when you stand before God you cannot say "But I was told by others to do thus" or that "virtue was not convenient at the time", this will not suffice. Remember that.

I intend to remember that.

Lately I have been feeling more and more forthright and confident in my opinions. While sounding out some of my friends and colleagues over the issues tied to my previous post, I found that one of my closest friends disagreed with me. At the time I got quite flustered about the gulf of difference between our opinions; then I recalled my words about the film Cool Runnings in a previous post... and I reminded myself that his walk is not my walk and his perception of my journey comes from his position on the road which he is standing, on his.

If I look Nick Payne, walk Nick Payne, talk Nick Payne and AM Nick Payne... I sure as heck better live Nick Payne.

The same applies to all of us. How can we be true to God if we can't even be true to ourselves (and vice versa).

So as we hesitate in our own subterranean labyrinth, steeling ourselves for what lies ahead... we find this one truth at work: 

Dragons may come, treasure may await... but whatever we face - be it adversity or ecstasy.,we must do so in our own inimitable God given fashion... with the weapons and gifts he has blessed us with and in the manner he has prepared us.

...and Ecce January

This is my second attempt at writing this blog post... the previous one died after Google decided to log me out and my browser crashed. Grr.

Anyway... thank goodness - 2010 is all done and dusted, welcome at last to 2011.

I don't know about you... but I don't really have any major resolutions worked out yet. I don't have a road map as such.  I do know that this year will mark out a few changes for me, personally. Some of the opportunities that have given me greatest sense of joy , fellowship and sowing spiritual seeds, will not be available to me this year; those doors are closed this year it would seem.

The Bible teaches us that there is a time to sow and a time to reap... and that while one person sows, another reaps. Whilst I will continue to look for opportunities to serve, I do wonder if I am entering into a time where I will be able to reap things. As we begin the year, I am feeling an urge to once more spread my wings and broaden my horizon. I am not like Luke Skywalker gazing forlornly into a binary sunset... wondering if things will ever change. Things will change... they always do. We just have to be prepared to make and take opportunities... and most of all, trust in God.

Things will change. They always do. It just takes time, trust and action.

In the words of Bilbo Baggins "I think I'm quite ready for another adventure".

Although, I don't think I'm quite ready to be shipped out to the Undying Lands just yet though. No, there are plenty of japes, jollities, wonders, mischiefs and new discoveries yet to be experienced on this good Earth as yet.

I start this year as I mean to go on... thinking positive and looking for the opportunities and defining moments the year will bring. I've already begun looking at some options. Later in the year, I hope to go on a tour of Italy.

Last night, I found myself at a loose end and decided to lie down for 10 minutes of quiet time in my bedroom. As I did so, I felt an eerie breeze blow down on me and my mind was drawn back to an old, familiar story... the story of an eagle that was raised in the belief it was a chicken:

One day, a man stole an egg from the nest of a golden eagle... and he took the egg and left it nestled among other eggs in a chicken coop. One by one, all the eggs hatched and among them was the infant eagle. It spent every day for many years living among the chickens and scratching for food in the dirt, content with its lot... never having reason to question it's purpose or differences.

Then one day, a piercing cry was heard from above... and a silhouette... a strange yet somehow familiar shadow, swept across the farmyard. High above the farm below, an eagle circled in the bright sunlight.

The eagle asked his chicken "siblings" what this strange new bird was. "That is an eagle, he belongs to the sky... we are chickens, we belong to the Earth" they replied. Our earthbound eagle looks to the sky and ponders... he is about to dismiss all he has witnessed when he hears the eagle cry once more... and a breeze blows beneath his wings... gently ruffling his feathers. Instinctively.... the eagle scuttles across the farmyard beating it's wings. It catches the breeze, takes to the sky... and finds the thermal that takes it up to it's fellow eagle high up in the clouds and sunlight.

We need to learn from the eagle... living on the vertical as well as the lateral.

Like the eagle, our beliefs and opinions are shaped by our experiences; this is never more true than where our self-perception is concerned. We enter this world and live out our daily lives along a lateral axis... because that is what we see in the world around us. However, there comes a time for all of us sooner or later... when we are challenged by a call to live on the vertical as well as the horizontal. Taking into account what I said a few days ago at the end of last year... this is equally true for those of us who have already embraced a call to follow God. How easy is it to get entangled with the red tape in our lives... or to run with an idea given from God on the vertical... but use only the resources of the human lateral to carry it out.

We need to keep our ears to the ground and our eyes to the horizon... listening and watching for the whispers, signs and moments that empower us and transform us - that immeasurable help from above that causes us to amend what we are and shapes what we should be.

It is so easy to forget the vertical and live out life on the lateral... we need to remember there is more than just the complexities of modern life.

The obvious Bible passage to share with you here is Isaiah 40:31. However, I feel just using that one verse alone would be a little clichéd. So here it is with a few of the preceding verses (I shall explain why):

Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel, “My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God”? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint. 

Isaiah 40:26-31

I'll let you into a little secret... it's just between you and me. Part of my problem in previous years is that I have felt very much like Jacob and Israel. I have felt that my cause has been disregarded by God... that I'm out here trying to walk in his ways, while others have reaped the benefits that this life has to offer, regardless of what choices they have made.

You see, the temptation is not to stare at the horizon... or not to look to the eagle in the sky. The temptation is to become downcast and gaze at our toes... or look at the successes of the chickens around us and grow in despair. If we are different... then we are not going to find what we are looking for in the same places as others.

We have to decide what we are. We have to find our own voice deep within and sing with all our hearts. When it comes to who we are as individuals... we cannot be a half or a part of something. You either are or you are not. If our heart is calling us to be something and we repress it... it will in the long run reassert itself with a vengeance and either consume us or leave us feeling lost and wasted.

If we can but trust in the Everlasting God who loves us... he will lift us up and give us the strength to claim our true destiny... and become the people we are meant to be.

Though our feelings might suggest otherwise... they are temporary and subject to change. The Everlasting God does not faint, does not grow weary and does not forget his promises to us.

He can be trusted.

Trust him in 2011.

God "Does a Gandalf" on Me

One of my favourite scenes in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, is the early sequence where Gandalf confronts Bilbo over his addictive possessiveness with regard to the One Ring. Sadly the sequence is not on YouTube yet, so I'll do my best to recount it for you:

Basically Gandalf... suspecting the true nature of Bilbo's trinket, gently suggests that Bilbo hand it over.... but Bilbo is too caught up in the Ring's power to obey and becomes increasingly possessive and even agitated - to the point of shaking his fists at Gandalf (not a good plan).

It's at this point that Gandalf suddenly changes his attitude... the room darkens, he appears to grow...

and he thunders out in a terrifyingly loud voice...

"BILBO BAGGINS! DO NOT TAKE ME FOR A CONJURER OF CHEAP TRICKS! I AM NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU..."

then he becomes the friendly old man again...

...and gently concludes...

"... I am trying to help you."

Bilbo is overcome with tears of conviction and realising the gravity of his error, runs into the arms of his friend.

Although the story doesn't quite leave it there,the eventual outcome is that Bilbo... respecting Gandalf's authority, obeys and abandons the Ring.

I love the sequence because this is my experience of God's authority. He's my closest friend...but every now and the, I get out of line and he has to play the sovereignty card on me.

Today was such a day.

Lately I've been dragging my heels a bit and rebelling against God on a couple of issues. Why? Because I've grown irritated with the long wait on his promises... and also for the worst of all reasons... simply "because I could".

This morning's first reading was from Jeremiah:


"This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD : "Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message." So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the LORD came to me: "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the LORD. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel. If at any time I announce that a nation or kingdom is to be uprooted, torn down and destroyed, and if that nation I warned repents of its evil, then I will relent and not inflict on it the disaster I had planned. And if at another time I announce that a nation or kingdom is to be built up and planted, and if it does evil in my sight and does not obey me, then I will reconsider the good I had intended to do for it. "Now therefore say to the people of Judah and those living in Jerusalem, 'This is what the LORD says: Look! I am preparing a disaster for you and devising a plan against you. So turn from your evil ways, each one of you, and reform your ways and your actions.'"

Jeremiah 18:1-11

Whoa heavy stuff... and I was left in no doubt whatsoever as to how God was challenging me...but just in case there was any doubt... in came Exocet number 2:

"Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.' "Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."

Luke 14:25-33

It's worth pointing out here that in the first part of that, Jesus wasn't being literal... he was using hyperbole. He doesn't expect us to literally hate our families (because that would contradict God's law), what he does expect is that we put those things firmly behind our relationship with him. God should be our priority.

Either way I was on my knees. I felt that God was saying to me that he had plans and promises for my life, and trusting in that should be enough for me. If I don't trust him and decide to rebel against him, he can easily take that blessing away and give it to another. Furthermore I'm not in a position to argue with this. He outguns me and is calling me to account. I'm not allowed to fight anymore... it's time to send out delegation and talk terms of peace.

I felt his disappointment and deep hope for me, these are my words but it is exactly how it felt:

"Nick, I know what is on your heart and all I'm asking is for you to wait a little longer... the things you need will come. It's not a lot to ask. It hurts me that you choose to act against that and rebel instead of just trusting. You know better than this. Don't you realise I don't have to give you any of these things? It is all by my grace."

I am instantly reminded of the times as a child when I asked my parents for something for Christmas and it was expensive. Because of the nature of the treat,good behaviour was required of me until Christmas Day... there were times I slipped up... and naturally it was on my mind as to whether or not I had crossed the line... whether the present would remain out of reach because of my disobedience.

My response was very swift. Like Bilbo, I realised the gravity of my mistake and felt a sudden steely determination not to let things slip. Strange as it sounds I actually like it that God is prepared to be stern with me...and not simply abandon me to my stupidity. I love him for that.

All this led me to thinking about the time that the Disciples asked Jesus to "increase their faith".

It seemed like a good idea... with a few minor modifications.

I asked God to increase my faith.
I asked God to increase my hope.
I also asked God to increase my love.

And the greatest of these is LOVE...