The Waiting Game

I want to share with you a small picture... something I observed last week that taught me something about the process of waiting.

Last Sunday at church, we had a minor prop malfunction, as it came time to light the first candle on the advent wreath. The safety matches wouldn't strike up and in the end, the only way to get the candle to light was to take the taper up to the altar and use an already lit candle to ignite it. Then it was a case of precariously wandering back to the wreath and lighting the candle.

Fire is a very powerful element - difficult to control and a force that in full flow, consumes all in it's path. However, when fire is made up of just a single flame... it is easily snuffed out, it is vulnerable.

So as I observed the taper going back down the chancel - it's flame dimming and flickering, constantly flirting with the threat of being extinguished; I couldn't help thinking it was a picture that perfectly summarised the meaning of Advent.

Advent is all about waiting.

Advent is about waiting for a number of things - it is about waiting to celebrate the birth of Christ on Earth, some 2 millennia ago. It is about waiting to celebrate the Christmas in our present day, a time when we give and receive gifts... and are reunited with friends, family and people who are near and dear to us; when we give thanks for all the gifts and relationships we have been blessed with. Finally, advent is about reflecting on the wait for Christ to return at the Second Coming (something that is a central tenet of Christian belief... and is in various forms of the Creed, but is often overlooked... or even seen as a fringe fundamentalist belief by some even within the Church).

What is it about waiting? It invokes emotions from deep within us... right across the scale. In Britain we've even turned the process of waiting diligently into an art form. I don't think anybody else in the world queues in orderly fashion, quite like the British.

What we are waiting for... often affects our anticipation, our experience and how we wait. For those who are waiting for something negative, the waiting process often incorporates feelings of dread, panic, anger, nervousness or anxiety; whilst those who are waiting for a good thing will often experience longing, doubt, impatience or frustration.

The point I'm trying to illustrate is that whatever we are waiting for, there is something we universally share as a collective... waiting is uncomfortable.

This is especially the case when we are waiting on the promises of God because by their very nature they are invisible and immeasurable... we often can't see them until they are realised. This is something that is echoed throughout scripture. How many times in the psalms do we hear the anguish filled question: "How long?" Or for just how many years did the Israelite slaves languish in suffering and misery waiting for deliverance from their Egyptian oppressors? Even when the time scale of certain events were known (such as the prophecy concerning Babylonian exile), the feelings of doubt or hopelessness must have been immense.

The problem with waiting upon the divine, is that it is out of our reach and beyond our control; we have to wait until the divine promise comes to us.

Think back to my anecdote about the advent wreath. The taper could not be lit at source by the matches provided. It had to be taken to the altar (the place that is symbolic of the divine), lit there and then there came a tense wait as the flickering taper returned to light the candle.

That's what waiting on God is like. You can't even begin to receive the promises of God until you abandon your ineffective matches and take your taper to the one who can ignite it with hope. Even then when the hope is kindled... there is often an even more anxious wait as time passes by as the fragile flame gradually journeys towards us.

There's a verse in the Old Testament that has had a strong impact on me in the past... and to my mind sums up perfectly the agony that accompanies waiting:

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:12

Waiting is by definition the process of enduring while your hopes and dreams are deferred. Realization of those hopes and dreams then, is the fulfilment... the tree of life that comes as a reward for our patience and long-suffering.

In The Lord of the Rings, the kingdom of Gondor has been awaiting a king for a very long time... in fact so long has the wait been that some (including it's corrupted steward, Denethor), have even dismissed the need for a king. With the forces of darkness gathering around the city of Minas Tirith, Gandalf resolves to do something about the situation and persuades Pippin to light the beacon of the city in the hope that Gondor's allies will rally to her defence. Even when this happens, it takes time for the successive beacons to get their message to Rohan... and it takes even more time for Aragorn and Theoden to muster their respective forces, save the city and restore the throne to Aragorn.

Western Christians in the modern age live in a time where many in the world around us have similarly grown either doubtful, sceptical or resentful of the idea of a God who is king.

Christianity started out as a single flame... Jesus. Revival begins by putting down our useless matches and going back to that one, original sacred flame. I believe as Christians we can set the world ablaze in two ways; if we do it in our own strength we will misrepresent the Gospel... burning and consuming those we meet. Yet if we take God's flame it will enrich the lives of others... only consuming that which separates them from him.

Finally I want to offer a word of encouragement to all who are waiting, but can see no end to their wait.  Perhaps you are waiting for the end of some difficult circumstances... or perhaps something you feel long promised by God, has not materialised after an extremely long wait. I shall leave you with this final passage which I feel is appropriate in advent... for it reminds us that in every given circumstance (his birth, our lives, and his return), the promise and the presence of Jesus... is not far away:

Look, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to each person according to what they have done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.

Revelation 22:12-13

God "Does a Gandalf" on Me

One of my favourite scenes in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, is the early sequence where Gandalf confronts Bilbo over his addictive possessiveness with regard to the One Ring. Sadly the sequence is not on YouTube yet, so I'll do my best to recount it for you:

Basically Gandalf... suspecting the true nature of Bilbo's trinket, gently suggests that Bilbo hand it over.... but Bilbo is too caught up in the Ring's power to obey and becomes increasingly possessive and even agitated - to the point of shaking his fists at Gandalf (not a good plan).

It's at this point that Gandalf suddenly changes his attitude... the room darkens, he appears to grow...

and he thunders out in a terrifyingly loud voice...

"BILBO BAGGINS! DO NOT TAKE ME FOR A CONJURER OF CHEAP TRICKS! I AM NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU..."

then he becomes the friendly old man again...

...and gently concludes...

"... I am trying to help you."

Bilbo is overcome with tears of conviction and realising the gravity of his error, runs into the arms of his friend.

Although the story doesn't quite leave it there,the eventual outcome is that Bilbo... respecting Gandalf's authority, obeys and abandons the Ring.

I love the sequence because this is my experience of God's authority. He's my closest friend...but every now and the, I get out of line and he has to play the sovereignty card on me.

Today was such a day.

Lately I've been dragging my heels a bit and rebelling against God on a couple of issues. Why? Because I've grown irritated with the long wait on his promises... and also for the worst of all reasons... simply "because I could".

This morning's first reading was from Jeremiah:


"This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD : "Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message." So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the LORD came to me: "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the LORD. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel. If at any time I announce that a nation or kingdom is to be uprooted, torn down and destroyed, and if that nation I warned repents of its evil, then I will relent and not inflict on it the disaster I had planned. And if at another time I announce that a nation or kingdom is to be built up and planted, and if it does evil in my sight and does not obey me, then I will reconsider the good I had intended to do for it. "Now therefore say to the people of Judah and those living in Jerusalem, 'This is what the LORD says: Look! I am preparing a disaster for you and devising a plan against you. So turn from your evil ways, each one of you, and reform your ways and your actions.'"

Jeremiah 18:1-11

Whoa heavy stuff... and I was left in no doubt whatsoever as to how God was challenging me...but just in case there was any doubt... in came Exocet number 2:

"Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.' "Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."

Luke 14:25-33

It's worth pointing out here that in the first part of that, Jesus wasn't being literal... he was using hyperbole. He doesn't expect us to literally hate our families (because that would contradict God's law), what he does expect is that we put those things firmly behind our relationship with him. God should be our priority.

Either way I was on my knees. I felt that God was saying to me that he had plans and promises for my life, and trusting in that should be enough for me. If I don't trust him and decide to rebel against him, he can easily take that blessing away and give it to another. Furthermore I'm not in a position to argue with this. He outguns me and is calling me to account. I'm not allowed to fight anymore... it's time to send out delegation and talk terms of peace.

I felt his disappointment and deep hope for me, these are my words but it is exactly how it felt:

"Nick, I know what is on your heart and all I'm asking is for you to wait a little longer... the things you need will come. It's not a lot to ask. It hurts me that you choose to act against that and rebel instead of just trusting. You know better than this. Don't you realise I don't have to give you any of these things? It is all by my grace."

I am instantly reminded of the times as a child when I asked my parents for something for Christmas and it was expensive. Because of the nature of the treat,good behaviour was required of me until Christmas Day... there were times I slipped up... and naturally it was on my mind as to whether or not I had crossed the line... whether the present would remain out of reach because of my disobedience.

My response was very swift. Like Bilbo, I realised the gravity of my mistake and felt a sudden steely determination not to let things slip. Strange as it sounds I actually like it that God is prepared to be stern with me...and not simply abandon me to my stupidity. I love him for that.

All this led me to thinking about the time that the Disciples asked Jesus to "increase their faith".

It seemed like a good idea... with a few minor modifications.

I asked God to increase my faith.
I asked God to increase my hope.
I also asked God to increase my love.

And the greatest of these is LOVE...

Victory Disguised as Defeat

Well I didn't succeed in getting promoted to a job at work yesterday. I was narrowly beaten into second choice by a woman called Miss Perfect (I'm not joking... that's her name, I should have seen the portents and warning signs in that one shouldn't I!). Having not secured the position I was aiming for, I failed... didn't I?

Or did I?

It doesn't occur that way to me. I'm naturally disappointed, but I feel that despite losing one battle... I've won a more important long term one. You have to look at the bigger picture.

The very fact that I stepped up to bat at all, demonstrated that I'm not the doormat people take me to be. If I feel something is good for me... I'm prepared to go for it. I'm not just an "also ran".

When the working day was over and I was called in to be informed of the result, I was told that I had performed really well in interview. The panel had taken a level playing field approach and I had risen to the very top of that field - I should be proud of myself. Their was only one part of the job... one fatally crucial part that I was beaten on by one of the other candidates. I know it was hard for them because they took two hours to deliberate just between the two of us. Having had it explained to me, I know putting me as second choice was the right decision.

However good will come of this. I have won allies. all the people on the interview panel are on the management team. My own boss was so impressed with me (to a degree which surprised even her), that she fought to let me keep one aspect of the job that she felt would be good for my development. Furthermore, without wanting to go into too much detail... I have confidence that people are going to fight my corner when it comes time for my next appraisal. The other good thing is that I will get the time to train up in other areas I feel are important to both my career and future personal development.

So no, I haven't lost - this is one of my Gandalf moments!

What do I mean by that? If you've read or watched Lord of the Rings, you will know that Gandalf goes up against his superior - Saruman the White and is temporarily incarcerated at Isengard. Later on, Gandalf is confronted by the Balrog - a terrible demonic force, bent on destruction. Gandalf defeats the Balrog but falls "out of thought and time". Gandalf the Grey dies... but it is not the end. He is restored to life and sent on to complete his mission as Gandalf the White. Later in the hall of King Theoden he breaks the spell of Saruman the White that is holding the King... astounding his former superior, who's staff and authority he later breaks. If Gandalf had not fallen, not made the supreme sacrifice... he would never have received the power and authority to defeat Saruman.

Loss is an important part of growth. if the seed does not perish the tree cannot be born.

In the last couple of years, my God has taken me along this route.... he has started with my friends and now he is doing it to my colleagues. Bringing me into situations where I am cloaked in grey but giving me the opportunity to show my true mettle.

So the temporal physical result of my interview is not so much of an issue to me... I feel I have proved my character and my true nature to both my colleagues and myself. I still consider after all that has happened, that this is an achievement. Amusingly and poignantly Bob Dylan's "Blowin' in the Wind" is playing on my Yahoo radio as I write this.

As we are also coming up to Good Friday... I couldn't resist looking at the ultimate example of victory disguised as defeat - the death of Jesus Christ. Metallica once wrote a song about this describing Jesus as "the God who failed". On the surface, it must have certainly seemed like that 2000 years ago in the city of Jerusalem. Jesus lay cold in the grave, butchered under Roman law by gentile and jew alike. his disciples locked themselves away in defeat. One (Judas) took his life over his shame and act of betrayal, another (Simon Peter) harboured the dark secret that he had denied the existence of his best friend to save his own skin. Imagine the shock of Mary Magdalene, Simon Peter, John, and the rest of the disciples as they each experienced something of a miracle. some at forst only saw the empty grave.... but others saw Jesus. On the road to Emmaus, two of Jesus disciples had the whole picture explained to them why the death of Jesus was necessary, why his story didn't end in death. Why... even today he lives. Metallica were wrong. God does not fail, he operates on a different level.... where the contexts of victory and defeat are fundamentally altered.

What mankind often conceptually regards as victory or defeat, often differ greatly from the real concepts of victory or defeat that God would have us understand.

For of man's victories he says:

And he told them this parable: "The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, 'What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.'

"Then he said, 'This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry." '

"But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?'

"This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God." - Luke 12:16-21

Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?" Luke 9:23-25

God is not against us making the most of our earthly lives... but his desire is us to live our temporal lives in a proper context. What is the point of living it up... if we deny ourselves the opportunity to enjoy the true riches which God promises? This is what the whole book of Ecclesiastes is about - the futility of living life "under the sun", just living this life in a "what you see is what you get" fashion. There is more, much more in life for us to experience than the brief joys of material gain.

Jesus promises that:

"I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:9,10

Live life above the Sun and in the Son.

Don't always trust your own perception of life's situations, trust in the Lord:

For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. - 1 Corinthians 1:25

Finally I leave you with some quotes I gleaned from the trailer to the Return of the King:

There can be no triumph
without loss

No victory
without suffering

No freedom
without sacrifice


All you have to decide is what to do with the time given to you.