The Wanderer Returns

Sorry if I appear to have been absent for quite some time. Special thanks to Robin for prompting me to action... may God bless you for that... and I hope over the coming days something I type here will carry a word of encouragement or inspiration for you.

I keep meaning to return and post something meaningful, but every time I have reached a point where I feel able to put fingers to keyboard... events overtake me and I find myself facing uncomfortable truths and emotions.

Most recently I've been upset by what I perceive to be a situation where someone has received pearls... and they have treated them like swine. I'm not involved in the situation at all... I'm only seeing it from a distance, but what I have seen disgusts me.

If you are given things you treasure, you don't disrespect them... and you certainly don't show disrespect to the one who gave them to you.

However there's an equally deep and uncomfortable truth that mirrors the emotions I am feeling and reflects another harsh reality back at me. I'm betraying the traits of the prodigal son's older brother again. A fool might argue: if the other person doesn't turn away from their wrongdoing, they are not truly "prodigal"... but I'm not a fool. The older son was lost in his own way, yes he'd been faithful... but he'd harboured feelings of deep hurt right from the day his brother walked out. His own problems did not start with his brother... they came from within.

So I'm wise enough not to point the finger at the other person and yell to God "You've given this person X & Y and they've destroyed it... and I'd NEVER do that, yet I'm still denied... IT'S NOT FAIR!"

I won't lie... yes I've felt it... but that's just emotion and truth is more powerful than feeling.

I know the truth.

I'm also trying to make sacrifices before prayer group on Monday. In the past I went home first... but lately I've felt prompted to go straight to church. This really paid off the other week, as I was given an echo of an image from scripture that I originally received two years ago... and is relevant to where the church is at.

I'm also beginning to feel stirred up about stuff. I keep getting uncanny hints. I recently went to my old vicar's church and was surprised in conversation that things I'd been encouraged to do previously by another vicar, were being reaffirmed by a couple of random people I was chatting to.

The most startling thing occurred this evening as I was preparing to write this very post. I was scouring YouTube for a clip from the movie Excalibur to sum up my return to the blog after so long an absence. I found the clip and one of the text comments left by a user quoted this scripture:

"In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye, like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions. The LORD alone led him; no foreign god was with him.

Have I not kept this in reserve and sealed it in my vaults?"

Deuteronomy 32:10-12, 34

Now I've read that passage before and lately I've been recalling a vision I had years ago of an eagle hovering, stripping it's nest (I'm led to believe eagles do this in order that their young will learn to fly).

I am at once humbled, disturbed, astounded and encouraged by reading that... I consider it a timely word. It reminds me that there are promises out there for me, that God's been looking after me all this time... all this time, and when in his sovereignty he judges the time is right (and God like wizards is never late, he arrives precisely when he means to), everything which he has graciously planned for me, will come.

I am completely reminded that God is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or even imagine... and in the words of Han Solo "I can imagine quite a bit". One can only stand agape in wonder of God's awesomeness... if you could stand at all!

I recall with trepidation and eagerness in the same breath, words that resounded in my heart a long time ago...

"Everything will be given when everything is taken away."

but there is also the reassurance that came in some of my darkest hours...

"Whatever happens, it will be alright."

Time will tell.

Thoughts on LOST: The Constant

I haven't written about LOST for a very long time... come to think of it, for that matter it's been a fair few days since I wrote anything at all. Well, I'm back now.

I appreciate I'm a few days late, but I'm a mere mortal and don't have Sky... so I have to wait until a work colleague loans me a tape - thanks Becky!

I think "The Constant" has to rank among one of my favourite LOST episodes... yes it features some cerebrally heavy plot twists involving the consciousness of a character travelling through time, but it was a strong character episode. Specifically it was a strong Desmond episode... and Desmond is among my favourite characters. In fact I'd say that for me, he's taken the number 1 spot from Locke.

In the episode, Desmond leaves the island to try and get some answers about his long lost love Penny Widmore. He's been trapped on the island for three years and they parted on harsh terms. When a woman named Naomi arrived bearing a photo of him and Penny in each others arms... it aroused his curiosity... and he finally gets the chance to visit the boat that Naomi came from.

Unfortunately Desmond starts suffering from strange side effects as the helicopter he is travelling on, leaves the island. Desmond had already gained precognitive ability following exposure to a strong electromagnetic pulse (his consciousness is able to travel along his personal timeline). However as he leaves the island it becomes violently unstable and his consciousness from 1996 becomes trapped in his present day body... resulting in much confusion for everyone present. It becomes apparent that he has become unstuck in time. The 1996 Desmond will keep appearing in his present body and the episodes will become more violent... leading eventually to death... unless he can find some way to stabilize the effects.

He arrives at the answer through talking to another man named Daniel Faraday... who is present in both the present and the past. He advises Desmond that he needs a "constant"; something or someone who is present in his past and his present, who can anchor him into his proper place in time before he suffers from a fatal embolism.

Desmond realises that for him, this constant is Penny.... and whilst travelling back into the past, he engineers a plan to contact her before he dies in the present day. Despite her feeling quite hurt towards him in 1996, he manages to obtain her telephone number and promises to call her on the exact day in the future that is contemporary with the Desmond we know. In doing this, he hopes that he can be restored to his respective place in time.

Here is what happens next:

Confession time:

I very nearly wept at the end of that. There was so much emotion in there I was very nearly overwhelmed...the acting was excellent and the fast inter-cutting between Des and Penny really enhanced the moment.

Wow. It really grabbed me by the heart strings and touched me where I'm vulnerable...

... did I really just say that? I'm turning into a Jessie!

It also got me thinking on a much deeper level. It is so easy for us to get lost in the world. Lost and consumed by the things around us.... people, events and concerns. What happens when we wake up and realise we don't know who or where we are anymore?

How will we get home? How do we reconnect with who we truly are?

Just like Desmond, we need a constant.

We need someone who can stand beside us, someone who has always been there for us in the past... is with us right now and will always be with us in the future.

For me there is no greater example than Jesus Christ. He is the very paragon of this notion. Who else knows us as deeply as God? King David famously wrote in Psalm 139:

"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD."

Psalm 139:1-4

and

"your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:16

We may think we are lost and forlorn... but God has not forgotten us. He is but a word away... not even the cost of a phone call. He longs to hear from us. He sent his Son to pay for all our wrongs... and he is deeply desperate for us to return into his loving arms. You may recall from Sunday School, the tale of the Prodigal Son. In that story, the son who is lost comes to his senses and decides to return home. Now the way God is often misrepresented in the modern world,you might expect the Father (the character who represents him), to be standing there with a big stick ready to punish his wayward son.

Is that the response we find?

No. The Bible says this:

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him."

God was already on the lookout for his son; he embraced him despite his filth covered appearance. He accepted him and he restored him.

Similarly in Lost, Desmond could have quite easily been expecting the cold shoulder from Penny when he called her.... but er love had remained constant... despite how much he had hurt her.

The wonderful thing about unconditional love, is that it encourages a loving response. I love it in the clip how as soon as Penny has spoken affectionately,Desmond genuinely apologises for his past misdemeanours.

My challenge to you today is this. God is reaching out to you in love. He has already expressed his deep passion for you:

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 5:6-8

My challenge to you today is simple. Imagine you are like Desmond... holding the phone waiting to talk to Penny... but on the other end of the line is God. If you know somewhere deep in your heart that God is speaking to you of his love (in fact he has already acted upon his love, through Jesus), what is your response going to be as he hangs on the line waiting for you?

The Parable of the Lost Friends

I'm feeling a little isolated from people at the moment, there doesn't seem to be many people around.

When I do get some much coveted time with a good friend, I overindulge and end up late for some random appointment. Such was the case last Sunday, as I found myself about half an hour late for lunch... with a 4 mile journey on bicycle standing between me and my meal. This, after visiting an old friend at her church... and then talking to her son and daughter-in-law who had turned up just as I was leaving.

Although I am changing and growing as a person, there are some things within that don't change. I am always here for those I know... or have known - no matter how distant their own lives have carried them. It has been a pleasant surprise for me to be able to bump into old faces on Facebook who I haven's seen in ages... in some cases I haven't been close to those people...but now I'm in contact I will offer them the same level of attention that I have given those who I already speak to.

In fact, I might be responding to those "prodigal" friends a bit more readily... because I have become disillusioned and disappointed with many people I know... even those I count as good friends (and yes... I do still count them as good friends).

To quote Bilbo Baggins:

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve".

As time has progressed, it becomes more and more painfully obvious that the only time I seem to hear from these people... is when they need something, have a prayer request... or want to notify the world of some major event in their life. They never stop to ask how I am, they never just call me up or get in touch just to catch up. No, I'm just their spiritual butler. This is not fellowship... it should not be one way.

Of course, they have their own lives and they are busy... but I was online for a long time last night... and so were a couple of them. Yet they never returned my messages.

I am so disappointed... and the only reason I am disappointed, is that they know better than this... if they didn't I'd be more inclined to let it ride.

More and more, it is the people from the past who are letting me down... either because they won't snap out of the idea that I'm the same dorky, irrelevant kid I was back then; or because of their reluctance to do their part in keeping friendships alive. They are as much "lost friends" as the ones who have fallen off the radar completely.

There's a big part of me that has had enough and just wants to up sticks and go. However... it isn't in my nature, I'm a soft touch and I'll always want to give people that one last chance. I've quoted it before and here I'll do it again:

In the clearing stands a boxer, and a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders of every glove that laid him down or cut him
til he cried out in his anger and his shame
I am leaving, I am leaving, but the fighter still remains
Yes he still remains

It occurs to me I'm not alone in feeling this way. I'm willing to bet God empathises totally. While I've been typing this out I've been thinking about the Parable of the Lost Son, you can click on the link provided if you aren't familiar or just want to reacquaint yourself with it.

Many Christians believe that in their own way, both the sons who feature in the story were lost in their own way... and I am one of those who share this opinion. You have the younger son who goes away and loses contact, yet realises the error of his ways. You also have the elder son, who remains with his father... but who is wrapped up in his duties and doesn't stop to think of the relationship he has got.

At this point I understand how the father felt about the way both sons treated him...and it really isn't good.

If you go to church regular already... don't just do the church stuff, flipping well talk to God! If you have just started talking to God in your life... welcome home. If you are still out there...come on home - supper's nearly ready!

As for me and my situation:

I pray that my old friends will wake up,

my returning friends will be keen to rekindle old acquaintance into new fellowship,

my new friends will get to know me properly...

and that I reach out to embrace new friendships.