In Search of Ithaca

I recently took part in a personality quiz on Facebook entitled "Which Work of Literature are You?"

The result did not come as any surprise to me at all. My answers most closely associated my personality with The Odyssey by Homer:

Life is an epic journey. It exists only to challenge you, so that you might prove through overcoming incredible obstacles your worthiness to yourself, your loved ones, and your God(s). Trial and Tribulation is the name of the game, and you won't ever stop until you reach the promised land.

As I said, it didn't surprise me. It sums up how I often feel about things. It's the same reason why I've always (even since childhood) been drawn to stuff like Battlestar Galactica (both versions) and even why I'm more tolerant of Voyager than most Trek fans.

I really relate to tales where a major character is alienated or isolated from the people and dreams they hold dear... and is forced to fight insurmountable odds to achieve nothing more glorious than the right to get home.

Whether they wine and dine, fight their own personal battles against oppressive forces, or count their wealth and blessings in their vast treasure stores... the other kings and queens of Greece do so from the relative luxury of home and have plenty of contact with the other kings and queens...

I have fought their Trojans on many occasions... but when my trials come, many of them either cannot tell when I'm all at sea, are unable to do anything to assist... or simply do not care about my fate (except when it is intertwined with their own).

I'm still searching for Ithaca. Sometimes I make good progress, other days I end up in a right pickle... onwards I go nonetheless.

In my mind I have of late pictured myself as a tall ship sat on a windless ocean. I am sat waiting for a sudden gust or a gentle to send me off somewhere... anywhere but I have neither direction or power... I seem quite depleted of personal resolve.

Periodically I go through times when I tend to struggle with the reality of my circumstances... or should I say the reality of my lack of circumstances. At these times I look around me and reason that I am all alone... save for the company of God.

I truly believe these times are an attack against me... the enemy seems to disrupt me the most by isolating me from other Christians. He uses the perceived injustice of my position... and the emotional mistreatment/neglect of people I have known to cripple me and lay me low.

I once heard a man preach that our relationship with God is like a table on four legs - prayer, studying the word, worship and fellowship. Take one of those legs away and the table wobbles a bit... take two away and it gets ropey. The argument is that as the elements that make up a healthy relationship with Christ disappear from your life, the more unstable and rocky your faith becomes.

The first leg that always gets clobbered in my case is that of Fellowship.

I felt really despondent the other day, but there was a glimmer of light at the end of it.

I finished work feeling entirely fed up and exhausted....and wanted to o straight home and veg out. However I was very conscious of wanting to spend time with God and I knew if I headed home I'd either plonk myself in front of the computer or hit the sofa and shut myself off.

So I made a concerted effort to go to church.

As I drew near, I noticed that the door was open (unusual given it's rural location), yet nobody was there. Even though the truth is that it was probably merely left that way by the previous visitor, it nonetheless lifted my spirits and made me feel welcome. After a short time of prayer and bible study I headed home feeling somewhat better than I had that day.

As I made my way back down the path, thought back to the open door and I heard the reassuring words:

"My door is always open for you Nick."

So I'm still out there looking for my Ithaca... but I have the best ally in the universe to aid me in my voyage... and something tells me that the wind isn't that far away. The symbolism of the door being open,and the words put on my heart reminded me of a certain passage:

"To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write:These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name."

Revelation 3:7-8

Selwyn to the Rescue! (again)

I've always been astounded at how well my bible notes seem to fit in with where I am on my walk with Christ... particularly when I hit a rough patch. I've been using Every Day With Jesus as a study aid for the past 10 years or so and I am constantly finding myself challenged, encouraged or simply met where I am... through reading the set passage and the accompanying text. The words often seem directly targeted specifically to me, which I find extraordinary... skeptics would say it's just coincidence but I do not believe so - frequency alone disputes that. What is all the more amazing is that the author - Selwyn Hughes, is no longer with us. He passed away two years ago - a faithful servant who is finally receiving his reward in the company of God.

I want to share the latest way in which God has used this man's writing to positively shape me as a person:

In my last post I was feeling quite isolated, I was being painfully reminded that frequently my relationships with other Christians seem pretty one sided. Some friends who I felt should be checking up on me weren't and others had distanced themselves when I sought their company/comfort/advice. As a consequence of this I was tempted... I had a picture in my minds eye of "crossing the road". I almost felt ready to walk in my faith towards God on the other side, away from others - same direction... but without having to put up with people who just want me around for their own benefit. This I realise would have been the wrong course of action... but not being in a rational mindset, it didn't stop me feeling the way I did. I also felt like I'd been blindsided and taken a lot of flak.

Then I caught up with my bible notes and they had this to say:

The spiritual journey is not one that we are meant to walk alone. God intends us to travel in the company of other people. For some this is a wonderful arrangement; for others it is not so wonderful. People can be helpful or they can be hurtful; they can bless us or they can blister us. Over the years I have met many people who have been hurt by other Christians. Sadly, in recent years we have frequently heard the term "friendly fire". Have you ever been hit by a form of "friendly fire"? It is the flak we take from our own side. It is the misguided missile that lands right in our own hearts. People have admitted to me that they have been hurt more by the church than they ever have been by the world. As we have seen from the psalm we have read today (Psalm 41:1-13), King David knew this pain, and Jesus quoted this verse when he said, "He who shares my bread has lifted his heel against me" (John 13:18). The question we must start to think about is how do we deal with relationships, because the way we deal with difficult relationships will determine whether we advance or retreat on the journey of life. Some people live by the words of Ernest Hemingway, who said, "We have to distrust each other; it is our only defence against betrayal." God does not call us to live in distrust, but to live by faith in Jesus Christ. we are disciples of the One who knows what it is to be betrayed. And through his grace we can be victors not victims.

That my friends... was a timely word.

It reminded me of a story I once heard about a man who had stopped going to church. His concerned vicar visited him a few weeks later and asked if everything was OK. The man responded that he was fine, he had a relationship with Jesus... but he didn't feel he needed the Church. The vicar said nothing. Now it was a cold winter's night and they were sat in front of a roaring open coal fire. The vicar reached for the tongs and plucked a burning coal from the fire... placing it on the hearth. Very soon, the coal grew dim and went out. A week later the man was back in church.

Now I wasn't planning on going AWOL from Church, but I was considering distancing myself from some people whose friendship had felt unbalanced and pretty unrequited. I soon took the hint though. Especially when in yesterday's notes, Selwyn made reference to the writings of D. Broughton Knox who believed that the members of the Trinity focus on one another and the Church rather than their own identity within the Trinity... and that as Christians this is how we too should operate.

It made me realise that while I can't do anything about how other Christians choose to behave towards me, I shouldn't be giving myself reasons to "shut up shop" around them. I'm needed even if I'm not always wanted.

It's strange... but since reading that and having a couple of conversations, since rejecting the current temptation of isolationism, things have begun to calm down. It is not the first time I have been tempted in this way and I am convinced it certainly won't be the last. It seems very important to the Enemy to keep me at arms length from God's people... these things happen so intensely it makes me wonder if it is important to God in terms of my calling... perhaps a conversation for another time.

I have to say how grateful I am to the ministry of Selwyn Hughes. I never met him in this life... but I'll be sure to thank him for his service to God in the next!

A Harsh and Delicate Balance

"The spirit is willing but the body is weak."

Jesus said it to his apostles in the Garden of Gethsemane. It summarises neatly how we feel when we know the way, but are uncomfortable with going the way.

Paul later wrote:

"For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want."

More or less the same thing, said in a different way.

Why does it have to be this way? It always seems that temptation comes, only when your heart is getting right with God. It is a rhetoric question. I know the answer to this, but I ask anyway... because it is also a heartfelt plea.

The answer is that when you are not following God, when he is not in pole position, you are not an active threat to the enemy's schemes... so why should he waste valuable resources on you? However, knock your idols off the throne and put God back as numero uno... and the story is very different.

Recently I have been inwardly positive, I currently feel that the things that have had a hold on my heart in the past are now not so much of a priority. Yes I want to achieve/receive those things, but I feel a lot more inwardly patient towards them. Yet, shortly after this realisation came, temptation soon followed along in it's wake. It takes various forms... what it can't control on the inside it will distract on the outside. It seems to get more fervent with age as well.

Honestly, that is where I am... it hasn't helped that my bible notes went missing a week or so ago, so I have found it harder to focus on God (that's an excuse, I know... I could always spend the time praying instead, but this is one area in which i benefit from a little discipline). Thankfully they have shown up now, so I hope to be in a better position shortly.

I decided to jot this down in case there are any other people who feel the same way... so that you know that we all have our cross to bear. Jesus knows all about it:

"Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." Hebrews 2:18

If you are willing, you could pray for me... it would be appreciated.

May God bless you and if you are reading this and having struggles, post your name or if anonymous you can type help... and I shall pray for you in yours. OK?

Throwing Your Toys Out of the Pram

Recently I've had a couple of conversations about sin and misbehaviour, and how they affect us as christians.

A friend of mine who is a Christian, used to smoke... but after wrestling with it, has finally managed to kick the habit. He doesn't believe that addiction to smoking is just a physical thing. Now, months down the road.... when the physical effects of addiction are totally gone.... he still gets the occasional pang to light up. He believes it is a spiritual stronghold. The only time he gets this temptation is when everything around him is going pear-shaped.

I know exactly what he means... but not for the same reason.

Against all the odds I've never smoked, despite the fact that my parents do (in fact I think my mum smoked during pregnancy - times were different), never had a physical addiction or dependency of any drug. I hardly ever drink alcohol... only having one or two glasses of wine on special ocassions (that's enough to make my legs feel like lead and for me to be a little giddy). However, that does not stop me from having my own rebellious moments. It's the equivalent of what we do as babies, we get upset and do something negative that is pointless or non-beneficial and will upset us all the more... such as throwing our toys out of the pram, just to get our poor parents attention. I believe this is exactly how we treat God.

Maybe you know what I'm talking about. Something goes wrong in your life... and you do something that damages yourself or your relationship with God and/or those near and dear around you. You know you really shouldn't do it, but you know in the sort term it will make you feel better... and yet when the dust settles, the smoke clears and the deed is done... you are immediately convicted of your actions and steel yourself not to do them again.... until the next time.

God is so gracious.

Despite our wretchedness, despite our rebellious nature; he still loves us and wants the best for us. The book of Hebrews comes down pretty heavy on sinning deliberately once we have recieved God's grace. Yet Paul and John in there works point out both the need to refrain from sin... but also the recognition that we still do it. Listen to what John writes:

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. (1 John 1:8-10)

Paul also makes the following statements:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. (Romans 7:15-25)

and

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. (Galatians 5:16-18)

Moving on and I want to look at one more curious thing that Paul wrote:

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:7-11)

Paul was given a "thorn in the flesh" a messenger from Satan to torment him. Some scholars think it may have been a physical affliction... but others think it may have been Paul's own struggle with sin. Lets just consider that for a moment. What did God say to Paul? "My grace is sufficient for you." So God recognises us in our struggles and has mercy upon us. Ho wonderful is he? He offers us the way out - Life by the Spirit.

As I've said before... running away from sin is not enough... we must run to the Lord. Even this in itself is not enough, we need to learn ro run using the strength God gives us:

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31)

I just want to conclude by pointing out (whoever you are) that God says:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

The Hero's Eternal Struggle

Continuing on yesterday's theme (namely sin), I wanted to share with you an image that has stayed with me all through childhood.

As a kid I was really into the Superman movies (though as an adult I can appreciate that really, only 1 and 2 were of critical worth). An image has stayed with me from the 3rd movie (it's about the only decent bit of the film). It involves a fight in a Metropolis scrapyard. To set the scene, Superman had earlier been exposed to contaminated kryptonite... which instead of making him double up in pain, changed his nature into that of a corrupt selfish individual.

However, after committing various evil deeds, something happens... he gets a nauseating headache and is forced to land in a scrapyard. As he clutches his head, his alter ego Clark Kent emerges from within him. This is the scene that I always remember.

Evil Supes and Clark duke it out and throw junk and stuff at each other (pictured below). Supes is seemingly quicker and more agile (but in reality they are the same person... it's just his TRUE persona is mild mannered). It ends with the evil Supes dumping Clark into a compactor... and you think that's that, as he walks away. Suddenly there is a jolt and Clark pulls himself free. Another fight begins but Clark gets the drop on Supes and strangles him from behind. Supes disappears. The familiar Superman tune fires up and Clark pulls open his shirt He's the TRUE Superman again.

Or again, it is like in The Iron Giant. The robot in the film carries some seriously impressive hardware and weaponry; when he sees his friend hurt... he goes on a rampage and starts disintegrating and melting tanks. When he sees the boy Hogarth is still alive, he snaps out of it. He makes a conscious decision and declares "I am not a gun!" It's a good job he did because there is a nuclear warhead descending on the townsfolk and only The Iron Giant can stop it by sacrificing himself. He flies into it in space and his last words are what he truly wanted in his heart to be - "Superman!" (Don't worry, it does have a happy ending).

That's what we have to do... stop being the gun and start being the Superman that we truly are.

So what does this all have to do with sin?

It reminds me of the struggle we all face within. Some days, if we let our guard slip... our sinful nature breaks free and tries to reassert itself. It basically tries to go on a Superman rampage. However, at some point we get a headache... or should I say soulache. It's at this time that God is calling us to account... and the person he shapes us to be, springs forth in the power of Christ (for that is the only way it can), then comes the titanic struggle. It is a struggle we all face. Paul wrote this in Romans:

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

That can be quite confusing because of all the do's and do not's. What Paul is basically saying is that he's human... like you and me. He struggled with sin just like you and I, and he fought his own personal Superman. Yet he admits he does not have the strength to do it in himself. What is the answer? "What a Wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ his our Lord!"

Jesus is the answer.

"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I do not write these words to you as a mighty preacher, or wise sage. I am merely a fellow traveller along the road who has had his fair share of struggles... and yes... sometimes struggles even today. I wanted to write this to tell those of you who don't know, how to combat sin in your own life (turn it and temptation over to Christ), and to remind anyone who has forgotten about also.

Be Clark Kent, be the true Superman... not a gun.