Doldrums

I've had a pretty uncomfortable couple of days.

Forgive me for what is going to be a little history lesson but thinking back, I believe it all started while I was meeting a couple of friends, who during the course of conversation were putting forward the idea of a reunion of sorts. This reminded me of a time when I was let down bitterly by many good friends. We used to meet and have a reunion once a year in the pub... but this started to become impractical and I organised a meet up at my own home. Despite people's promises and the effort I put in, almost no-one showed up... most painfully of all, it was some of the people who I am (maybe I should say was) closest to, who let me down... and I haven't forgotten.

You know it is remarkable how self-absorbed people can be... it really is and it is getting to be ridiculous. People always come to me with problems they want to share, or prayer requests... and yet on the rare occasions I go to them with even the slightest concern, they start rubbing their chin like a dodgy plumber and coming over all "tricky, could be tricky... not sure I can fit it in really".

The truth is that people when they get their slice of pie on this Earth, can be very neglectful of the friends they leave behind. Yes I know people have other commitments... but to completely shut out those people who have helped contribute to who you are today? Disgusting. I mean take for example when people return to town after a long time away... do they ever bother to ring or text for a night out? No.

They have forgotten.

I think what really hurts though, is to see people enjoying the things you can only dream of... and then on the odd occasion when they stuff things up or need help, they come to the one person whose plate is practically empty to ask for bread.

It's been rough... I had a bad Monday at work, and I'm being faced with an overload of people celebrating their own blessings... whilst I'm feeling somewhat of an outcast/exile. I think this is all being exacerbated by a change in the seasons... and I'm sure these feelings will pass. However even if they do.... will the reasons for them also disappear?

Unrequited love is a terrible thing... but how much worse is unrequited friendship?

Reality Bites!

I'm not a big fan of reality TV, but I do admit it that if I am sitting twiddling my thumbs, I can be lured into watching some of the programmes.

What I have seen on Big Brother has horrified me. I resent bullying. I myself was bullied as a teenager and as such tend to stick close to the outsiders.... the people who the "popular" ones don't accept into their clique.

There is great debate at the moment as to whether or not the treatment of Shilpa Shetty is racist or not. It has caused such a furore as to have been regarded as a "diplomatic incident" between The United Kingdom and India, forcing Gordon Brown (visiting India) to try and placate the concerns of Indian politicians over the interracial attitudes of the UK.

My personal take on the debate is that whilst the motivation for the bullying is not racial (the cause is basic jealousy, fear and misunderstanding); cultural and racial stereotyping are definitely being used as offensive weapons against Ms Shetty. Racism isn't fuelling the jealousy, fear and misunderstanding... instead, those feelings are fuelling any instances of xenophobia and racism.

Either way it is an abomination and completely out of order.

Some people think that the 21,000 complainants (of which I am one), are overreacting, they say this sort of thing happens all the time regardless of race or culture... people just snipe and we should "get over it". I do not agree with this. First of all bullying is something we should all stand up to anyway, it is abhorrent by its very nature. Yet in this instance, it is as if the nation via Big Brother has held a mirror up to itself and does not like what it sees.

"If your eye offends thee... pluck it out".

I think the British public clearly want to demonstrate that the attitudes being conveyed, be they racist, ignorant, or just bullying for it's own sake... are not attitudes they wish to be associated with and so they are moving in their own way to remove the injustice they see. That is why there have been over 20,000 complaints and that is why Ms Goodie will ultimately walk on Friday. Heaven only knows what that reception is going to be like. Dare they screen it live?

My hope is that once the ringleader is gone, that good can come of this, that there can be a reconciliation between the two other offenders and Ms Shetty.

I have to say that throughout this whole debacle, Ms Shetty has to her credit demonstrated enormous restraint and dignity.

This is all however, merely a microcosm of a problem that is evident in our society. The question I ask is, if the British public are prepared to stand up for someone when they are in the public eye... will we have the courage of conviction to do likewise in the dark, when nobody bears witness to our actions?

I hope so.

Just When You Think You Are Turning a Corner

Once there was a dog who liked to play fetch. He would often go up to the children in the churchyard with sticks or balls. All he wanted was for them to throw something out for him to chase after, to show a little friendship and affection... yet all the boys and girls would ever do is ignore him, shove him away or abuse him by beating him with the sticks he had brought... all this merely because they either didn't want him around or just didn't understand what he was really about. Yet despite his bruises the dog never gave up hope that he would be accepted for who he was.

Yeah it's a story... a parable if you like... but it's how I feel. Despite the odds, a friend of mine managed to talk me out of a dark place on Friday. It was a place where I was perceiving most Christians as hostile or rude and intolerant and unaccepting of me. It's a weapon the enemy is using against me with great fervour at the moment.

A weekend of peace that not even England's unkind exit in the World Cup managed to crack (well okay my Dad managed to wind me up about that on a couple of occasions until I was a boiling engine of rage... but fathers are good at that... aren't they). Today I received a couple of disheartening and upsetting messages in my Myspace Inbox. Time after time the human race just does not get me... has no grasp of where I am coming from and is so quick to judge and point the finger. Why my fellow Christians should be especially adept at this is both beyond my understanding and highly ironic. I'm not going to give in though. If people want to play that game... fine, let God convict them of it. I know who I am... and it is not who any mere mortal on this Earth makes me out to be.

Truth be told I would be happy with just a handful of genuine Christian people to talk to. No plastics, no legalists, no clique members... I'll stick with the Christians on the outside edges thank you very much. That's right... the one's who get labelled as weird or geeks... who don't get accepted by other Christians because they seem a bit odd. Message to the elitists... we are good enough for God so why aren't we good enough for you? Who appointed you judge jury and executioner over us? Why do you cling to your sacrifices and forget the important things such as mercy and compassion? Away with your heresies! I tell you the truth, whatever you do not do for the least of your brethren... you do not do it for Him!

I don't know how Jesus feels about this, but my patience is wearing thin. To quote the good Doctor:

"I'm so old now. I used to have so much mercy. You get one warning. That was it."

Cut your brothers and sisters out of the loop... judge their actions too harshly... and you've done it to Christ.

Mark that well for your own sake. Sometime there is a fine line between discernment and prejudice... I believe this generation has crossed it!

N

PS I now feel I've moved onto the next line in the poem "If". Whereas before I was merely having to believe in myself when all others doubt me, yet make allowance for their doubting too.... now I feel I have to resist the urge to lie when I'm being lied about and not give way to being hated when so much hatred is coming towards me.