The Inner Dark

Amongst the films I am most looking forward to this year, one of the firm favourites has got to be Spider-Man 3.

I'm looking forward to it because it is going to cover the "black suit/Venom" storyline. Essentially the story of Venom has always been to me, a tale about recognising and fighting your own dark side. We all have a dark side, something deep within that urges us to do selfish things that hurt or neglect others. I don't know what you choose to call it, but I call it sin. I wonder if anyone reading these words, is concerned over attitudes they see in themselves that they know are wrong... but feel helpless to deal with?

This particular Spider-Man storyline serves as an excellent parable of how the sinful nature infects us and affects our lives and the lives of others. In the story, Spider-Man comes into contact with an alien symbiont that bonds with him and boosts his powers. However, what Peter Parker does not realise is that this being that he has made a Faustian bargain with, eats away at his soul... making him more aggressive and dangerous and isolating him emotionally from those he loves most of all.

As a Christian, I believe that sin entered the world... and our lives in much the same way:

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. - Genesis 3:6-7

Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate." - Genesis 3:13

and:

But each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created - James 1:14-18

The Bible also teaches us that sin crouches at our door and desires to have us... but we must master it. Peter Parker, upon realising what this alien creature is transforming him into, is also faced with this daunting challenge. Either to reject the darkness, or be consumed by it.

In the comics and film, the symbiont is vulnerable to intense sound. Our sinful "symbiont" is vulnerable to one sound... the voice of the God who calls out to us in love.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:16-17

We have to choose to accept that voice, to accept the offer of grace and forgiveness that comes through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, if we wish to remove our inner demon's from the throne of our hearts.

The central theme of Spider-Man is that "with great power, must come great responsibility". We have been given the most precious power of all... free will. You can choose to embrace your inner darkness, explore the apparent freedoms it gives you... or you can choose to recognise that darkness for what it is, repent of it and ask God to get rid of it.

Of course Spider-Man's choice to reject the symbiont isn't the end of the story... and it isn't for us either. You see, once you cast out the darkness from your heart... it doesn't like being rejected... and will always try to get back in through any chink in our armour - any upset, any character flaw.

We have to learn to grow closer to Jesus and take on his character if we are to effectively combat sin, for the Bible says of Jesus:

For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted. - Hebrews 2:17-18

Go and watch Spider-Man 3, it will probably be a cracking film... but if anything I have said here has made you recognise something about yourself that needs sorting out, I implore you to address it. If you know you need to get right with God, pray with somebody you trust. If that door doesn't appear open to you.... then I am always here and what is said to me, will remain confidential and sacrosanct.

"It's a Fair Cop Guv!"

Well, finally did it...

I got myself booked in for an appointment at Specsavers next Tuesday at 11am. It'll be interesting to see how my eyes have fared since I last got them checked. Am I heading for a future where I take on a new sophisticated, more intellectual image? If that is what happens, and I do require glasses, you can bet I'll record any change in how people perceive me right here. Onwards to adventure!

On a slightly similar note, I wonder how many of you "zone out" like me? I have a really strong tendency to lose my focus, blur my vision, switch off and just go off into outer space. This happens regularly and I can often feel it happening. Is it normal for this to happen so often... and where the heck do I go when that happens?

I also had the opportunity to hit the road again today. I had to chauffeur a couple of directors to and from a meeting at my office. It was good to be back behind the wheel once more, even if it was only a brief voyage without much misadventure.

God bless

N

The Eyes Have It.

It's been ages since I last had my eyesight checked.

To be fair though, the last time I showed up to arrange an appointment... the opticians sent me away on the basis that my dad didn't need glasses till he was in his mid to late 30's. Not very scientific, is it? That my friends is the trouble with living in a small town. Everybody older than you knows you, or at least likes to think they know you simply because they have watched you grow up from a distance. They still call me Nicholas - they don't know me as Nick, because they've never bothered to get to know me properly. You, who read all about me here... can call me Nick.

Recent events in the town, should teach these people to know better than to make assumptions about people on the basis of what they have seen from a distance ... but they don't learn, they never learn.

Anyway, I work with VDU's and heck I'm also on here often enough, so I really should get my eyes tested regularly... and my colleagues are concerned about me but the truth is I can't make my mind up where to go. If I go to my hometown optician, they have my long term records... but they are a private practice and may not have an extensive amount of equipment, not forgetting of course that they also sent me away on the basis of my parentage.

I could go to either Specsavers or Vision Express in Stratford, where I work.... but I always try and stay loyal to the people I'm already associated with. That is my nature.

I remember as a child, I had a rather uncaring, even Aryan attitude towards the idea of wearing glasses. I used to be terrified of eye check ups as a kid because I felt if I ended up wearing spectacles I'd be in some way inferior... and I felt inferior enough back then. As I've grown up, I've naturally shed that judgemental and silly attitude. Heck if I wore glasses, some people might actually make the mistake of considering me an intelligent life form.

So the questions:

1. Where should I go?
2. What would I look like wearing glasses?
3. What sort should I go for if I need them?

I think if I do need glasses I should get some oblong, minimal depth, frameless ones. I don't think oval will work with my head and I certainly don't want octagonal wired Gestapo glasses!

Unfettered Joy!

I've been thinking a lot about opportunities, threats, strengths and weaknesses lately and have come to the conclusion that some important changes are going on in me as a person.

In just merrily bumbling along in life, hoping for all the things I wanted... I very rarely looked over my shoulder and contemplated on what I already had. Always with my eyes fixed on the road ahead... I neglected many times to just consider where I was.

For one reason or another I've been thinking about my status in life - 32 and single... but you know what?

SO what!

I'm finally starting to appreciate the freedoms being single affords me... and yeah, maybe I want to settle down... but the Lord gave me these freedoms for a purpose and I'm not ready to surrender them just yet - because I haven't really used them or explored them as I know I can. Nor have I just let my hair down and relaxed around people as I know I want to. In private, I need to start flexing my spiritual muscles and train for what is ahead of me. In public, I need to learn to play.... to just have fun as I am... and not get encumbered by serious relationships that at the present time I don't really have time for.

I was thinking of a quote from a Spider-Man comic this afternoon:

Are you the man who dreamed of being a spider? Or the spider who dreamed of being a man? Are you the one... or are you the other?"

In fact the quote is actually in turn, based on one from the Chinese philosopher Zhuangzi:

One night, Zhuangzi dreamed of being a butterfly — a happy butterfly, showing off and doing things as he pleased, unaware of being Zhuangzi. Suddenly he awoke, drowsily, Zhuangzi again. And he could not tell whether it was Zhuangzi who had dreamt the butterfly or the butterfly dreaming Zhuangzi. But there must be some difference between them! This is called 'the transformation of things'.

Now looking upon those ideas literally, they seem silly. However i had a revelation today. there comes a time in a Christian's walk when he must decide for himself:

Are you the man of God who dreams of being a man with a normal everyday life... or are you the man with an everyday life, who dreams of being a man of God?

I thought I was the latter... but more and more I'm confronted with the realisation that I am the former. That isn't to say that Christianity requires the total rejection of all the things we desire in life... but it does require that they be laid on the altar as a willing sacrifice.

There is the old Star Wars philosophical joke: As a boy you want to be Luke Skywalker.... as a man you want to be Han Solo (boys want to do fancy Jedi tricks and have a light saber, men want to get the girl).

I've always wondered why you couldn't have the light saber and the girl. Maybe you can... and maybe one day I will; but for now, if I can serve God better with a "saber and Jedi powers", than I can running off with princesses, then I can do without. If I have to be a monk rather than a scoundrel then so be it. I'll happily take Gas Meter girl for a coffee if she should happen upon my complimentary email... but it ain't the end of the world if nothing comes of it. Yeah I want to bounce my own kids on my knees one day... but that is the bonus... not the sole purpose of my existence.

The Unknown Bride

Sorry to have been away so long, I've been away in Abergele, Wales; representing my company at the launch of a new very sheltered housing development - Tannery Court/Cwrt Barcdy. I impressed a few locals with my layman's knowledge of Emrys Ap Iwan (we held the launch at the school bearing his name).

I try to keep my writings on Myspace, separate from my blog here (to maintain the accurate impression that they are separate entities). I usually only enter dreams on Myspace, however because of the strength and nature of the last dream I experienced, I thought on this occasion I would replicate it here:

I dreamed I was getting married at my parents church in Alcester... it seemed to be an arranged marriage. I have never met the woman before me, yet I seemed to have little choice about the situation (although logically one would think I would have, seeing as I was dressed for the occasion).

This woman was blonde and fairly tall, her hair extended to about midway down the length of the back. Most significantly, I could tell she was emotional and genuinely seemed to need me... the wedding was important and she was sure she could be a good wife if I gave her a chance, though I knew her not. She had some kind of spinal problem as she seemed to stoop a lot.

I remember coming away from the centre of the church to discuss this in the lady chapel (where the choir gets changed at St. Nick's). On the way in I saw Mrs Stally, widow of the first vicar I knew at St. Nick's and mother of an old childhood friend. On the way out I saw Steve Burch... our last vicar at Great Alne... and I was just walking over to go and ask him what he made of it all... when rather annoyingly I woke up. I could have done with some sage advice about that and a real life issue that is bothering me... although I'm not sure whether the advice of an imagined friend is the same as a real one.

The feelings I most remember are that I was incredibly tempted to go through with the ceremony because I had great compassion for the woman. I felt uneasy being plunged into the ultimate commitment with a complete stranger... and I felt that heroic part of me that tends to be the gallant knight wanting to say yes and hang the consequences... because a lady was in need. The other part of me was saying that hang on you've been at the whim of ladies in need all your life and it has led you to danger... is this wise?

I felt that I should say yes... that this woman was different... and that all the rottenness of the past had happened to dissuade me from making the correct decision.

Oh and the other night in my dreams I saw the moon shining a silvery blue. It was huge and you could make out the pock marks of all the craters... it seemed a lot nearer to Earth than it should have been. It was night in my hometown and there was trouble in town.

Any people with the spiritual gift of interpreting dreams would at this point be very welcome and in fact strongly desired... as my life seems to be heading on a one way trip into the surreal at present.

God bless

N