It's Nothing Personal

A couple of weeks ago I was having a conversation with a friend about the way I handle some of the injustices I see in the world around me.

He pointed out that I always take it personally, I always make it about my own issues with life. I believe this a form of what many psychologists would call transference.

It permeates so many of my attitudes in both personal encounters and international politics. It is both a strength and a weakness. It is the former because it reflects empathy, which I believe lies at the heart of loving your neighbour as yourself. However it is also a weakness because if left unchecked, it puts you at the centre of things... which isn't healthy. It also leaves me exposed to attack.

Many years ago, my parents were once told by my art teacher, that I had a very powerful imagination... but that I had a tendency to act without focus, I let my raw emotions and imagination control what I put down on paper. It was a strength because I conveyed powerful themes, it was a weakness because there was so much going on, so many ideas flowing onto the empty paper in front of me; that it was hard to understand the message that was at the heart of my work.

Sometimes more is less and less is more.

It's one thing to be passionate, it's quite another to be reckless and utterly governed by your emotions... and when I see injustices in other people's lives, I am often governed by my emotions.

Conversely when it comes to acting on behalf of myself, I find myself confined by procrastination and inaction.

I need to find balance and refinement.

In my favourite sequence from the film Highlander, Connor (Christopher Lambert) is being taught by Ramirez (Sean Connery). He is taught among many things, that if he overextends his thrust, he becomes off balance and vulnerable. This is exactly what happens with me. when I become emotionally attached to a topic. I throw my weight so readily into the battle, that I leave myself wide open. Sure I score a few mighty blows against what I'm facing... but I'm clumsy and I take a heck of a beating in response.

Ramirez teaches Connor that he must learn to harness his power.

This is something I need to do also.... under God's direction.

I can't go on being all or nothing. I can't just move from procrastination to nuclear assault and back again. I need to be passionate but measured.

Roger Morris once advised me that if I was not careful, I ran the risk of living my life defined by others... and he's right. I need to take on board what my friend said about taking things personally... but I must not assume I am completely wrong... because I am not my friend... I am me. My role and purpose in life is not identical to his. I must not allow myself to be made in the image of others. God has a shape in mind for the man I am to become and it's not the shape of any one person I know.

After all, "love your neighbour as yourself" is the SECOND greatest commandment. The FIRST is to "love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your strength". We need to make sure that God is at the centre and not ourselves, or anyone else.

Jesus had the complete human emotional experience... but never once did any one of those emotions overrule the most important emotion of all... love for the Father.

I intend to touch more on the subject of being defined by others"in the near future. For now though I want to leave you with this thought:

Listen to your friends, and heed their advice, but don't make pleasing them the heart of what you do. Don't lose sight of who and what God called you to be. You can serve your friends and yourself better by making sure God remains at the centre of things. I'm not talking religion here, I'm not talking about merely obeying what your vicar or pastor says... I'm not talking about surrendering your emotions to doctrine like a robot.I'm talking about taking your emotions and thoughts to God and engaging with him on these things. A relationship with God is not about rejecting your emotions and passions... it's about embracing them in the context of his will.

Cobwebs

Right it's time to sweep out the cobwebs and blow the dust off of this place.

I've been gone too long. I've been suffering from a dry spell of late... and I've not been keeping the blog up to date. Sometimes if you just leave things, time moves on around them and they change and move on without you... and they can easily become unrecognisable:

I feel like I've stumbled upon one of my thinking places up Cold Comfort Lane. If I don't go to them for a lengthy period of time, they get overgrown with brambles and I can't use them until they are cleared.

It's a bit like walking back into a church that's been left empty for too long. However, there is a difference between a church that is empty and a church that is deserted. This blog is most definitely not destined to fall into the latter category, not while I still feel it serves a purpose both personally and publicly.

So as we draw nearer to Christmas, I hope to up my work rate somewhat. I need to. I need to get my creative juices in full swing again. I know striving is not the answer... my best inspiration comes from above. However while fire may not come without wind... sometimes you need to rub sticks together to prepare a catalyst for when the divine wind comes. It's not about doing things in your own strength; it's about making sure you are in a position, a frame of mind, to receive what is freely given.

I've had a similar debate about this with people who prefer to remain away from attending church on self-imposed sabbaticals while they wait for revival to come. I maintain that while the race may not be run until God moves... part of discipleship and faithful service to him, is our willingness to be ready. Paul puts it far more eloqouently:

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

So while it's important not to rush ahead and act without God... it is extremely healthy for us to spend time focussing on him, flexing our spiritual muscles so that when the starting pistol sounds, we are off the blocks in the best possible condition. Don't misunderstand me here... I'm not saying we have to slave away or God won't pour out his blessing. We are not the centre, God is... if he needs to do something powerful through us and we still aren't ready despite his prompting, his abundant transforming grace is there for us. My argument is merely that we have the option to choose a beneficial course of action while we wait for God... and not just the freedom to choose a permissive one.

Well, this post was just intended to be a quick wave through the window to get me back into good habits... a toe in the water, but already just the act of sitting in front of a blank screen has borne fruit.

So until next time (and by next time, I don't mean next month), be blessed.

The Wanderer Returns

Sorry if I appear to have been absent for quite some time. Special thanks to Robin for prompting me to action... may God bless you for that... and I hope over the coming days something I type here will carry a word of encouragement or inspiration for you.

I keep meaning to return and post something meaningful, but every time I have reached a point where I feel able to put fingers to keyboard... events overtake me and I find myself facing uncomfortable truths and emotions.

Most recently I've been upset by what I perceive to be a situation where someone has received pearls... and they have treated them like swine. I'm not involved in the situation at all... I'm only seeing it from a distance, but what I have seen disgusts me.

If you are given things you treasure, you don't disrespect them... and you certainly don't show disrespect to the one who gave them to you.

However there's an equally deep and uncomfortable truth that mirrors the emotions I am feeling and reflects another harsh reality back at me. I'm betraying the traits of the prodigal son's older brother again. A fool might argue: if the other person doesn't turn away from their wrongdoing, they are not truly "prodigal"... but I'm not a fool. The older son was lost in his own way, yes he'd been faithful... but he'd harboured feelings of deep hurt right from the day his brother walked out. His own problems did not start with his brother... they came from within.

So I'm wise enough not to point the finger at the other person and yell to God "You've given this person X & Y and they've destroyed it... and I'd NEVER do that, yet I'm still denied... IT'S NOT FAIR!"

I won't lie... yes I've felt it... but that's just emotion and truth is more powerful than feeling.

I know the truth.

I'm also trying to make sacrifices before prayer group on Monday. In the past I went home first... but lately I've felt prompted to go straight to church. This really paid off the other week, as I was given an echo of an image from scripture that I originally received two years ago... and is relevant to where the church is at.

I'm also beginning to feel stirred up about stuff. I keep getting uncanny hints. I recently went to my old vicar's church and was surprised in conversation that things I'd been encouraged to do previously by another vicar, were being reaffirmed by a couple of random people I was chatting to.

The most startling thing occurred this evening as I was preparing to write this very post. I was scouring YouTube for a clip from the movie Excalibur to sum up my return to the blog after so long an absence. I found the clip and one of the text comments left by a user quoted this scripture:

"In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye, like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions. The LORD alone led him; no foreign god was with him.

Have I not kept this in reserve and sealed it in my vaults?"

Deuteronomy 32:10-12, 34

Now I've read that passage before and lately I've been recalling a vision I had years ago of an eagle hovering, stripping it's nest (I'm led to believe eagles do this in order that their young will learn to fly).

I am at once humbled, disturbed, astounded and encouraged by reading that... I consider it a timely word. It reminds me that there are promises out there for me, that God's been looking after me all this time... all this time, and when in his sovereignty he judges the time is right (and God like wizards is never late, he arrives precisely when he means to), everything which he has graciously planned for me, will come.

I am completely reminded that God is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or even imagine... and in the words of Han Solo "I can imagine quite a bit". One can only stand agape in wonder of God's awesomeness... if you could stand at all!

I recall with trepidation and eagerness in the same breath, words that resounded in my heart a long time ago...

"Everything will be given when everything is taken away."

but there is also the reassurance that came in some of my darkest hours...

"Whatever happens, it will be alright."

Time will tell.

Not All Differences Should Be Tolerated

Normally it's an arrogance to assume your own culture is superior to that of another.

However there are exceptions.

I should explain...

Recently I've been giving thought to the recent tragic death of Gayle Williams - a charity worker who was based in Afghanistan. The Taleban took her life because they believed she was spreading Christianity.

Militants have been targeting Christians in the country for some time, but what makes this especially tragic is that they are so blind to the good in others (probably wilfully blind), that they can't see beyond their hatred of what is different.

It doesn't matter that Serve Afghanistan is committed to helping disabled people in Afghan communities... all they could see was that this lady was different because of her beliefs... and for some crazed reason... that was justifiable enough reason in their sight to kill.

And that ladies and gentlemen is why I believe in this respect, our culture IS superior. We would not tolerate the killing of anyone on the basis of their belief... we find the very idea disgusting. We have seen what racial/cultural intolerance can do when left unchecked... how many millions died in the last century because of the ideals of a few insane people? These thoughts are not far from us as we prepare to commemorate the price paid to rid the western world of such tyranny, over 60 years ago.

Some people say we have no right sharing our differences with others in their own country and should respect the local culture without trying to impact upon it... yes, there is a valid point there... to a certain extent.

Except for one thing - nobody has a right to restrict an idea or a philosophy by an imaginary line around a patch of land. Every human being has the right to decide to believe as they will... it's not something that governments or militias should have any say in whatsoever.

I have a friend who is currently doing aid work in another south-east Asian country, and she lives under the shadow of being exposed to these potential dangers every day. So naturally this is a concern for me.

Some countries such as North Korea even take unspeakably revolting steps to prevent access to positions of faith that differ to that of the State... or punish their own people for daring to believe differently... and this is unacceptable.

It's a far cry from the kind of comfy world that we in the West are used to, where our governments responses to other cultures is to accommodate and assimilate (sometimes at the expense of what we might perceive our own heritage to be).

Personally I think everyone on the planet should be allowed to propagate their own beliefs and opinions so long as they don't conduct a "negative campaign", that is to say... adopt the tactic of attacking another person's culture. I certainly don't think the Early Church did that. I believe it's primary tactic was to emphasise the merits of living in Christ.

I know some may be reading this and thinking that those who are "foolish" enough to subscribe to a belief system can't complain when someone with a strong disagreement comes along with an objection... and to them I say, take the log out of your own eye - that's your own prejudice telling you that...and the sooner you wise up to it, the better off you'll be. This isn't something that is restricted to religion, faith and belief.

How many things - be they sublime or ridiculous, are people prepared to hurt or kill others over?

One of the darker aspects of human nature, is that when we are gathered in sufficient number, there is a temptation to view the smaller different groups with disdain, disgust and even hostility.

But we are better than this... we don't have to accept this stupid animalistic side to our natures... we are something better and nobler - all of us... and if half the world needs waking up to that, maybe that's something we need to look at.

But not through the crosshairs of a weapons periscope, or down the barrel of a gun.

Feral

I'm sorry that I've been absent for some time.

I'm not that productive at this time of year, I really do struggle. I somehow think I'm supposed to hibernate from the end of October to the end of February.

Do you think I could persuade my doctor to sign me off sick with "hibernation"?

It's got to be worth giving it a go!

Can you imagine? A quarter of a year off work spent in bed because the Doctor says you have a justifiable medical need for it.

Anyway aside from all this, I've found myself in a bit of a wild state. It seems that apart from trying to fend off the lethargy that comes during the winter months, I'm getting overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions.

I find this quite strange because I'm sure my head should be winding down from stuff like that now... not cranking it back up!

Perhaps it doesn't work like that. Maybe we don't fade up and down with the seasons... perhaps we hit erratic highs and lows while we slow down in Winter or speed up in Spring.

All I know is that at the moment I'm really sensitive to stuff.... positive and negative. It's not leading me anywhere dodgy or bad.... but it's there all the same, my feral side - the part of me that reacts instinctively to the situations and emotions I'm presented with, and pays no heed to any ideas of analysis or procrastination I might normally subscribe to.

Oh well, I'm just going to enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts and milk it for all it's worth.

God bless

N