Thursday, May 26, 2005

A Close Shave

I’ve had a very narrow escape. On Friday night, I was considering going to a night out at one of the local pubs with a few friends from my old Fellowship… that will not be happening now. Last night, I was texting a few people with regard to the spectacular and extraordinary Liverpool victory in the Champion’s League final (whilst simultaneously taking yet another opportunity to poke fun at Man Utd.)

The person organising the Friday event telephoned me over a misunderstanding about the game. While doing so, he asked me if I was coming on Friday and told me who else was. There’s only about four others going, and one of them is the girl who caused me trouble over the New Year.

She was the one who dithered and swung to and fro for months as to whether or not she wanted to be a friend or have a relationship, backing off when I advanced and advancing whenever I backed off.

Really, whether she was aware of this consciously or not. All she was treating me as was an “inbetweener”. She was using me as a prop until the next guy came along. A lot of girls want to have their cake and eat it. She wanted someone who was a physical type, who was a bit of a bad lad, but also strong in faith… in that order! Yet every time she has gone down that road before, she has been used or tossed away like an oily rag. I was trying to teach her another way of living, and at first it seemed to be working. However, the pull of her past actions was too great and she played to her previous form.

It came to a head, when I basically laid my cards on the table in a letter. She knew how I felt, if she wanted to be a friend… I’d be a friend, but if she was to go out with me properly, the time for messing about was over… the time for a decision was now.

Whichever road she’d have taken I would have freely accepted. Yet the next time we saw each other, she made the fatal mistake of blanking me completely. No real friend does that. So when a note came through the post saying she wanted to be just friends, I cut loose. I was being used, and that was completely unacceptable. I am glad I have moved on (several times actually).

I suppose one of the reasons I felt so strongly about this, is that I had become a mentor to her. So I actually felt betrayed by someone I regarded as my student (Obi-Wan style). It's not the first time this has happened, I just hope it doesn't happen too many more times, and that the people who I help coach don't keep kicking me in the teeth!

If more people were going tomorrow, I’d be OK. I’d have plenty of scope to keep my distance. However, with only a handful things would be too close and I’d probably have it out with her, which she wouldn’t be able to take.

I’ll maintain my policy of keeping a distance while the option remains. A gentleman will walk but never run.

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