Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Taking Stock

Recently I've run the full spectrum of emotions in my walk with God. I've been happy, miserable, calm, angry, depressed, elated, full of hope, full of despair, in turmoil and at peace.

I was incredibly frustrated because despite being obedient in one situation and repentant in another, he still didn't seem to budge. It was like "what do I have to do to persuade you I need you to act on my behalf?"

When I get upset if I think a friend or superior is being too hard on me or asking too much of me, I tend to react by working all the harder something like "if by doing more than you expect I crack up or reach breaking point, you were the one who caused it, so you can pick up the pieces of your broken friend". I've learned through this, that sadly I can be a bit like that with God too... and that is not a good thing, it's something I need to be mindful of and change the way I work.

I went out to a bridge where I occasionally go to think... and hammered out a few things in prayer. So if you saw a strange man in black standing above the A46/A435 Arrow roundabout at 10pm last night... that was me! when I woke up this morning I felt a lot more calmer and rational. I'm not as agitated or anxious about my current situation as I was. In fact I have this feeling that whatever God is going to do with regard to his assurances to me... something is going to happen soon. The word SOON keeps resonating within me, so I live in hope.

As you know, at the Maze we were studying the wisdom literature of the Bible... and crazy as it may seem, I feel like I've been living out the books in my lifestyle. Hopefully I'm nearing the end of my Ecclesiastes phase now and can move on.

At the Maze, one think that stayed with me more was the three H's... the need to be HUMAN, HONEST and HUMBLE in our response/dialogue with God. Well I've certainly been doing that lately. Honestly though people, if you are in a situation and you are angry or depressed... even if it's with God.... take it to Him, it does you good to unload it at his feet. Just be respectful of who he is when you do it. Yes you may feel unfairly treated, yes you may think life is cruel... but always remember that God is righteous and whatever he is doing... in the final analysis or the bigger picture - whatever you wish to call it, his will is perfect and he will do right by you.

Call on him.


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