Monday, March 21, 2005

Not Good... Defintely Not Good.

Somebody at work is trying to set me up on a blind date, not for me thanks, I know what I'm like and it wouldn't be beneficial! I know in many ways, I just need to chill out, but I just hate situations that are forced.

First of all I like to sound out where a person is coming from, before even approaching them. As far as I'm concerned, a blind date is an artificially generated scenario... and I'd rather get to know a person within a proper social environment first, where there is no danger of expectation, and there isn't a focus on one person (if the conversation isn't going too well, you can always move on and talk to somebody else, no questions asked).
Secondly, I'm not a secular minded person at all, and however "nice" somebody is, I'm always going to be looking at every relationship (platonic and romantic) from a spiritual perspective.
Thirdly, for some bizarre reason, there was a reasonably attractive young lady at church this week, and you never know she might become a regular... it's also possible she's just there to get her bans read and her bloke doesn't want to come along... need to check out that fourth finger next time! This warrants further investigation!
I wouldn't even go on a blind date if someone at church tried to set me up, I'm just not comfortable with the whole idea. I am a self confessed control freak, but this whole thing is giving me bad vibes.
My best mate keeps telling me, that one of my greater faults is that I won't be told. You can't tell me something is good for me, or that I'll enjoy it, because I don't want to be a sheep... I don't like other people pulling my strings. If I want to read something, watch something, chat someone up, it'll be because I'm comfortable with the idea... not because I'm acting on another human being's agenda!
Would people (especially people who don't know me really well) please let me make my own decisions? To quote Tolkien: "Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger!"
It's my life (and more importantly it's God's), I would at least like a say in it!
And in the final analysis, we've seen on two separate occasions what happens to me when I go into any kind of relationship without having done my homework properly... it's disastrous.
I'm paranoid that this is going to get set up against my wishes, which will leave me with two options. 1) Don't go... no one has a right to expect me to go to something they know I had no desire to see happen., or 2) Go, and just use it as a chance to witness. That will either scare them off, or get them interested in God. I've got absolutely no intention to pursue anything romantic from such a set-up.

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