Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Tide & Time

I'm a blessed man.

After three weeks without a car I find myself in the midst of many changes, mostly for the better.

I got back from Scripture Union Camp nearly a fortnight ago and found that I had received an unexpected bonus from work. I also found out that the insurance payout on my car (if I can't bump it up by arguing that the salvage value is higher), is not as much as I may have hoped for.

I believe completely and utterly that the Lord is at work in this entire situation.... right from the car crash onwards. While I was waiting at the scene, not once did I go into shock, however I did feel greatly at peace and I sensed the presence of God around me. I don't feel a great sense of loss. OK so I'm a bit miffed that I don't have as much freedom to get about, but really it's just plastic and metal and when God feels the time is right for me to get a new one He will provide opportunity.

I feel that God doesn't want me to get a car but to instead focus on paying off some old debts that need settling. As soon as I got back from Camp I had the bank calling me to try and persuade me to pay back a sizable chunk of my debts in a shorter space of time at a reduced rate. This was excellent news! Yet at the same time I saw an instant opportunity to reduce that figure further by paying for one of the debts straight off. Bang. Gone. No more.... finito!

When I do finally get the insurance payout on my car, I am going to probably get a bike to get around town... and invest the rest in killing off the other non fixed term debt. Bang... that'll be two gone and we're not even into Autumn at this stage!

Finally we'll have the fixed term loan (ironically on the car that just got trashed), but that's only got 19 payments left and I'm sure I can start to pool resources into getting that paid off sooner... even if I incur a penalty.

The financial burdens and chains I have borne for so long are finally loosening. The last remnants of my past relationship mistakes are fading fast.

None of this would have happened had I heeded God in 1998. Trashed my first car then and nearly split up with my girlfriend of the time. I let myself get talked back into going out with her and instead of paying off a computer financial agreement I bought myself a new hunk of junk so that i could continue to see her. I don't need to go on about why the relationship was bad... I've blogged enough in the past about that. However suffice it to say that twice more I had severe problems with my cars... my second car just died of old age. Again out of devotion to my girlfriend I took a loan for a more reliable car. Despite this, the cam belt eventually went on that car and I crazily extended that loan to make sure I was on the road... all for a girl who did not deserve the attention she was getting and who certainly was unworthy of the level of importance/devotion I was showing her. I would never dream of doing that now... I would never have considered it prior to going out with that girl. I had a bad dream... I was bewitched like the black knight in C.S. Lewis' The Silver Chair. God snapped me out of that and has blessed me in so many ways since.

I now feel that he is preparing me for the future. he is enabling me to settle my scores.... I believe because the promises are coming. I have to be ready for them. Goodness knows I don't deserve them... but God is gracious and if he is willing to give abundantly out of his love.... how can I do any less then be in the place and circumstance he needs me to be in to receive them?

Blessings to you all


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