Sunday, January 08, 2006

On the Edge

I am totally annoyed at the moment.

Just as I seem to have become accustomed once more to waiting on God and acquiring his wisdom, the enemy plays a joker.

I have known for some time, that a colleague of mine claims to have psychic ability*. I try to pay this little heed as possible... as I am in the workplace, it is important to try and get along with your workmates. Unfortunately as of last week I wasn't afforded the usual luxury of doing that.

I was told that by them that they had a gut feeling about the time of July, that I would find something substantial in the area of relationships (this distressed me greatly because I will see someone who I have been keen on around this time). "Oh Great!" I thought, "Now if anything does come along around that time, I will have to dismiss it!" For that would be my normal tactical response. I am that focussed on doing the right thing by my faith, that I would scupper any attempt to enter something that might seem to endorse a practice I am spiritually opposed to.

My mother is annoyingly superstitious. There was a time several years ago, where purely to spite the notion of Friday the 13th being unlucky... I asked a girl out on that fateful night.

That turned out really well.

6 ½ years later I emerged, bruised, battered and largely scathed form a relationship that did nothing positive for me as a person. So I'm learning that it is dangerous to make bold swooping gestures with your life... just to make minor theological points.

Back to my current situation and I found myself a little stressed by it. So I took it to God. He knows that I am having to wait on him in that situation and he also knows how fragile I am in doing that.

A scripture was put on my heart:

"I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice." John 10:1-5

I feel that God is really encouraging me to not jump to any decisions. I feel he is saying that if I do ANYTHING either positive or negative regarding that information, I am giving it power. It doesn't matter if my intentions are honourable or not. You see, it's not good enough for us as Christians to run away from that which we know is not from God... it is far more important that we learn to follow the direction that God gives us as well.

I feel God is saying I should just ignore what I was told completely and not act either way according to it, becaue if I do I'm not responding to his voice. It may be that he also chooses that time to bless me, but I am to listen for his voice and trust him to make it known clearly to me. He may come earlier, he may come later... but I have to hear his voice in this.

Do you know what? Maybe that's why I require the wisdom I spoke of two days ago. Maybe in this area of my life I am not wise enough to pick up on God's direction and I need to train myself to hear him better.

If I can master this, life will be so much better. I am so tired of having to flit around trying to please God by relying too heavily on my intuition. It will be a release to be at a point where I just chill and don't think too much about the consequence of every possible outcome and evantuality. I think maybe I'm loading myself down unnecessarily and am missing out on the enjoyment in life that God seeks to give. The more you lean on God, the more you find that the following is true:

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."" Isaiah 30:21

That is the strength we all require and that is the strength I seek in this area of my life. My prayer is that I can achieve this.

For those of you who pray, I ask that you pray for help to forget that which does not help me.

May God bless you with the strength to rest.

N

*Brief Update as of 9th January. I felt it was important to point out that I don't have an issue with the person who made this statement - only what was said, because it runs contrary to my personal beliefs and moral code.

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